"We need to talk about dad"

[SardineQueen]

I just saw a trailer for this on C4. Don't know if I will watch it but the topic is obviously going to be DV and I thought that some on here might be interested to see how it is all approached.

Lambeth - just seen it. Is it too late now? Am now going out for rest of day but will check back this evening.

Sardine it is quite normal to protect younger children when the Dad goes mental, whether or not it includes physical violence. It is a natural reaction by all family members.
I know.

I don't know how helpful it is though.

At the end of the day families muddle through. And if you are middle class you get no support from the state because the drs & psych people see a family with a house who are just getting by and judge you less needy than others without any of the basics around them. Unfortunately being middle class you don't often have the money to get the support any other way. Sad situation. bitter experience.

I think the pressure on the older sibling to keep the secret must have been terrible though. And it would have meant that the whole thing couldn't be talked about openly within the family. Seems very hard on the older sibling and not a healthy way to heal IYSWIM.

my brain injury personality change post was simply in answer to the query as to how normal this was.

I have no idea what went on in this partic case, I read an article about it at the weekend and the elder son said the dad refused to discuss it (apols if this has been said).

It all sounds most Lizzie Borden. I wonder if we will ever know the whys.

same here. the convo about acquired brain injury was already ongoing when i added my two penn'orth - no idea about this case or film.

although i did lol a bit at sakura's distaste that we were only talking about men with acquired brain injury, not women. well, dh is a man, which is where my experience of abi started, (i didn't personally get blown up, and nor did any of female relatives) and the rest of my posts weren't gender specific. our not-for-profit provides rehab opportunities regardless of gender.

it did make me a ponder a bit though - it can't really be correct, but ime most victims of abi do seem to be men - i'm assuming because of the cultural aspects of masculinity that encourage them to drive too fast/ ride powerful motorcycles/ get blown up etc... interesting point though sak. (and it reminds me of my trans friend who gave up motorbike racing when she started to live ft as a woman, and who looked at me as though i was crazy when i asked why)

this case looks very strange though. def not abi. and def one of those 'is he faking'? we won't ever know if he was in his 'right mind' or not.

What hully and mad said - I wasn't assuming brain injury for this case, I just happened to read the thread and responding to how unusual or not personality change with a brain injury was - and went 'aha, this is something that has affected me, I shall post!'. I'm afraid I haven't watched the programme or read the article, cos well, er, I cba.

Aha I have the wrong end of the stick then! Fair enough

So did anyone apart from me actually watch this then? Tbh I'm still feeling a bit freaked out by it - the father came over, to me, as someone who should have been jailed - and the denial - and the consequences for the kids ...

Well, I've just watched it. What an incredible programme, and what an awful tragedy.

The father experienced a brief psychotic episode triggered by the death of his father. Not a 'brain injury'!

The things that stood out the most to me -

• a very middle class family who talk to each other a lot but hedge around real communication
• pressures for both parents caused by the idea of creating a 'perfect' family environment....that pressure added to the father's psychological disturbance
• and those patterns of 'perfect family' behaviour meant that when the father came out of prison for the assault he came straight back to the family home, further traumatising Henry
• Henry is very traumatised and probably needs therapy, but he is very brave in trying to deal with the 'fall-out' of it all with his family and the family relationships
• How resilient and forgiving the mother was, maybe too much so
• The father has buried his profound grief at what he has done and the effect of it on the family and found it hard to discuss because of that, but that was damaging to Henry.

Just fascinating re the family dynamics and the psychology going on. The brief psychosis was not gone into very much, it would have been interesting to hear about it from a medical/psychiatric point of view.

Terrible, terrible tragedy. But a compelling and fascinating programme.

selks great synopsis. Thanks. I watched it too and wept through most of it. Terrible watching a family struggle through as best they can due t some kind of mental illness having struck the dad.
Brief programme but fascinating. What a terrible thing to happen to a family.

Yes, it was really moving,and made me quite teary too, SirCharles.