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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

How old are you - and does every one know?

46 replies

wicketkeeper · 30/10/2011 14:30

I don't look my age at all, and am often taken for 10-15 years younger than I really am. Which I thought was great until a much younger woman pointed out that unless people admit to their real age, other people won't get a sensible view of what people that age are really like. So for example we have a stereotype of what a 50 year old woman is like - and that will never change unless the women who don't fit the stereotype actually tell people that they're 50.

Is this a feminist issue? I don't think men have as much of a hang-up about their age.

OP posts:

gramercy · 31/10/2011 14:40

I'm afraid there are situations in which I'm coy about saying how old I am.

But I think it does depend on the company. Amongst friends/family I can be honest, but in the school sphere I feel embarrassed as I am very much the oldest mother. I know it's silly - there's no crime in being 47 - but dd's friend's mother is 29. I do not feel like the empowered experienced woman, but the shrivelled old bat.

InnoPanel394 · 31/10/2011 14:44

Of course everyone in the world knows my age (DS' friends, bus driver, teacher, random people in the street). I have a seven year old who knows...

thefirstMrsDeVeerie · 31/10/2011 14:44

I never lie about my age.

Whats the point?

I am 44. Big deal.

HerdOfTinyElephants · 31/10/2011 14:46

I can only think of two people in the last fifteen years or so who have asked my age. So I don't see what difference it makes whether I lie about it or not...

Poledra · 31/10/2011 14:52

kickingking, I get what you mean about wondering if you're immature. I have twice recently had people being amazed that I am over 40. And it made me wonder if I appear immature, or they were actually expressing surprise that I have not reached a more senior level in my chosen career at my advanced age . Both of these were from colleagues who had recently joined my company, hence my professional anxieties about it. And they are, to add insult to injury, younger than me (and also more junior, I should add).

I do think some of it is that I have young children (7, 5 and 3 years old) and there is still a general assumption that you have children during your twenties, despite the huge body of evidence to the contrary.

madwomanintheattic · 31/10/2011 14:56

this is really very interesting to unpack at a personal level. i let all my colour grow out and had my hair chopped off - so i had very short grey hair. my hairdresser was appalled (i'm 'too young' to have grey hair).

last month i decided to colour it again - not to 'hide' the grey, but to make it a bit funkier as i felt quite staid, so instead of using my natural shade, i've got lots of different colours through it (including the grey, lol). changing some signatories to a bank account the other week, my date of birth came up, and my colleague (male) said 'oh, you don't look that old', and without even thinking, i said 'well, thank you.'

thank you? thank you? where on earth did that come from? i didn't even think about how i felt about his remark (it was a passing comment), but i knew the correct, culturally normal response, was to be pleased that someone (a man) thought i was younger than i am (a woman). eh?

i never lie about my age, and rarely think about it. but apparently if i don't watch out, i condone the inequality that older women (of which i class myself as one) receive. bizarre.

so i'm on the watch for that now.

these things do jump out at you from behind a bush, rather.

SardineQueen · 31/10/2011 14:58

I haven't lied about my age since I was underage for pubs etc.

I would find it a bit odd if I found out someone I knew, even if it was just a work colleague or someone else not close, had lied about their age.

I thought women lying about their age was bit of a myth TBH. Also what is this "never ask a lady her age" stuff about? Why on earth not?

madwomanintheattic · 31/10/2011 14:59

quietlyafraid · 31/10/2011 15:15

And fed up of being IDed for bars and alcohol when I'm almost always the oldest person there by 3 - 4 years at least. Highly embarrassing and a bit of a nightmare if I have forgotten ID. I get constantly patronised by my sister-in-law as she married husband's older bro (I'm 5 years older than her).

Hate it. I'm sure thats ungrateful, but I'd love to be taken more seriously at times.

Pretty sure my age has been taken as a negative in recent job interviews for being too old (all other candidates and staff younger). I would be tempted to lie if asked again under those circumstances.

EllaDee · 31/10/2011 18:22

mad - That sounds like what I'd do. Foot in mouth feminism all the way.

madwomanintheattic · 31/10/2011 18:41

oo, ella, i was supposed to stalk you and ask what you are studying, and i got sidetracked. so either i did it and was drunk and have forgotten or i didn't get around to it. psssst, what are you studying? (have i forgotten? in the back of my mind i think you told me, but i can't place it at the mo...) put me out of my misery and remind me!

EssentialFattyAcid · 31/10/2011 18:50

I have never been beautiful, and I think this makes ageing much easier for me than for women who are used to being admired constantly for their looks and have to come to terms with this kind of attention being withdrawn.

I think that the pressure on men to look young is much less than for women, but I think it is increasing for men now in our youth-worshipping culture.

TheRealTillyMinto · 31/10/2011 19:02

i am 37 and only lied about my age to get into clubs & pubs when i was under 18.

EllaDee · 31/10/2011 20:29

Stalking? I'm honoured!

You've not forgotten, I only saw SGM say that on the other thread ages later so thought it might look a bit wanky to burst in once it'd moved on with my stuff, you know.

I'm doing a PhD in Medieval Studies (mostly Lit, technically also Art History). I'm working on manuscript culture and how people learned to read in English, and what it meant to use manuscripts instead of printed books, that sort of thing. But what is fun for me is that a lot of this has to do with women, as women were the ones who usually taught children to read, and they were the ones who had to read to do household accounts, and so on. In fact over half the texts I look at were not written specifically for women, but ended up being read mostly by women. Basically I love finding out how you'd think women in 1400 or whenever couldn't read, and were poor, downtrodden, uneducated things - but they weren't! It is great to study something so central and important like reading (well, I think it's important!) and find women at the heart of it, even 600 years ago, when we think women would have been so crushed by society they couldn't do anything.

Whew ... that's me rambling on - but I love it! It's also fun for me as a dyslexic person, finding out some of the reasons why English print culture/reading lessons are such a pain for us now!

EllaDee · 31/10/2011 20:30

........Aaaaand this post is totally identifying, so if by any slight chance anyone is sniggering because you know me, be kind and PM rather than letting me make a twit of myself.

Hullygully · 31/10/2011 20:32

I am 74.

I have forgotten the other part of the question.

madwomanintheattic · 31/10/2011 20:56

oo, ella, that is interesting. i started as an eng lit undergrad and reading is really my thang, although i have subsequently drifted, as you do. sounds fascinating! sgm was right. (and phew, not drunk and forgotten. tis always a worry...) i love poking around in a good archive, now you are also on my 'people i want to be like' list.

rubyrubyruby · 31/10/2011 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EllaDee · 31/10/2011 21:15

mad - that is very kind. It's lovely when people like what I'm doing, it reminds me how lucky I am to get to do it.

I think the whole project basically has a little 'sponsored by MN feminists' tag in my mind, too.

nooka · 01/11/2011 05:45

I'm 40 and only get bothered about my age when I look at younger people who are more successful in their careers than me. Otherwise because I am the youngest in my family I tend to think of myself as young regardless of the number of birthdays. I've also only fibbed about my age to get into pubs. I have been ID'd a couple of times as an adult, most recently a couple of months ago and I was furious I think the poor shop assistant was a little surprised, but I didn't find that someone thinking I might be 21 when I am 40 was flattering. Just bloody irritating!

The only person I have known who I know has lied about their age was my father who told everyone he was 50 for at least 10 years (including before he turned 50)

sommewhereelse · 01/11/2011 06:10

I make no secret of my age in RL but I would rather not say it on here just in case some weird internet stalker is collecting clues about me to identify me.

I realise that a few months ago I told DS that you shouldn't ask women who seem old their age for risk of offending them. What should we be teaching our children about this?

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