Why is the image of women as the guardians of male morality still so pervasive?

[Bramshott]

"A letter to" in yesterday's Guardian here started me wondering why in this day and age, the view of women as the guardians of men's morals is still SO widespread? You see it on here on the relationships pages all the time - the idea that husbands can be 'stolen' and that its the OW who has betrayed the marriage much more than the husband - the idea that men are always going to cheat and it's up to women to stop them, whether that's the wife who should have "nipped this in the bud" or "put her foot down earlier", or the OW who should have not been available.

Clearly the letter is written by someone who has been betrayed and is very hurt, but IMHO saying "Men couldn't cheat if there was no one to cheat with" is just one step away from teaching abstinence to girls only in schools - making women always responsible for morality rather than putting the onus on men to behave better, and blaming them when they don't.

Thoughts?

Odd isn't it that men pride themselves on being the stronger sex - yet apparently not strong enough to control a few inches of trouser meat?

He doesn't even need to blame the two women involved, since that's being done for him. He can just shrug vaguely and drift on, doing whatever takes his fancy.

Well, in response to the naturalistic argument I'd really want an answer to this:

There has demonstrably been a turn by roughly 180 degrees in how gender and morality are perceived.

The mediaeval view on this which was still predominant in early modern times was very much one of woman as a temptress, seductress, consumed by the sin of lust.

By the Victorian age we have woman as the pious angel in the home, some kind of quasi saint. In fact, the supposedly positive influence of women's morals was cited by some campaigners as an argument in favour of woman's suffrage. Because women, of course, would always vote against vice and loose morals, whereas men were so much more susceptible to loose morals.

IMHO a strong pointer towards a more socially constructed view of the entire question.

NotADude, that's very interesting and explains the existence of the madonna/whore dichotomy which can be so restrictive to women. You are judged as being either the angel (which is boring) or the slut (which carries social penalties).

Personally I think it's socially constructed. When I was a teenager my DF had huge double standards for me and my bro. My brother was allowed to run about willy-nilly (sorry for pun!) whilst I was held on a tight leash. I tackled him about it once and he said that he "expected higher standards" from me. I think that's how it gets us and keeps us in place; we feel like it's a compliment yet in reality it just restricts us and makes us feel bad for enjoying sex.

I agree that women shouldn't be judged more harshly than men in this situation (and certainly no more than the deceitful spouse!), but the behaviour itself is absolutely blameworthy. Just as it would be, if an OM were having an affair with a married woman. Each individual is responsible for their own morality, no-one else's, but if that individual morality permits colluding in lies to, and deceit of, another person (even a stranger), then that's a flawed moral compass.

It also works both ways, with OW who blame the man's wife for a wide range of behaviours, ranging from being so neglectful that he was "forced" to cheat right through to blaming her for wanting to work on the marriage, even after discovery.

Ultimately, we shouldn't be surprised by, or in harsher judgement of horrible female behaviour, but neither should we hold back from judging it. Women have the right to be just as amoral as men and have equal responsibility as men, not to do harm to their fellow human beings.

Same old shit, really. It's based on the idea that sex is a commodity that women 'have' and men 'get' from them. What is percieved as 'morality' in sexual behaviour is women trading sex for something else and getting the 'best deal'.
Because, of course, when it comes down to pure biology, what makes the most sense in breeding terms is for women to have lots of sexual partners when they are fertile, to ensure superior sperm - but for men to ensure their genes get passed on, they need to have lots of sex with one woman in order to ensure that no one else impregnates her. Because men made the rules, women get told that it's their job to catch one man and keep him happy by allowing him just enough sexual access to stop him moving on to a more compliant woman. Just think about how nearly everything that is peddled to us about 'natural' and 'right' sexual behaviour boils down to 'Men should be allowed to do what they like and women should put up with it' and ask yourself how natural something is when it has to be enforced and reinforced with social sanctions and threats of violence or even death.

Exactly solid, if chastity was all so "natural" for women they wouldn't have to stitch girls' vaginas up.

I usually enjoy "A letter to" so I was surprised they printed this one TBH - it reads like the sort of thing you might madly email to a friend in the days and weeks after you've discovered your husband having an affair, not something I'd expect to see printed in a liberal national newspaper . . .

I personally don't buy the primitive sexual urges thing. It just as much sense, surely, for a woman to be promiscuous, on that basis? The more men she has sex with, the greater the chances of encountering viable sperm.

Fetchez - if one views sex as a means of passing on genetics, woman needn't be (as) driven as men towards promiscuity - if a woman has a baby, she can be 100% sure that it shares her genes; a man cannot be so sure.

I remember reading some/a (?) article about societies where it was considered normal for women to have multiple male sexual partners because then more of the men in the community would be invested in her children.

I think it was posted on here.

Yes, it does make better sense in terms of breeding and passing on one's genes, for a woman to have lots of different sexual partners. THis is the reason why women's sexuality is so heavily socially controlled - because men-as-a-class know the best way to pass on their genes is to own women for breeding purposes and make sure they do not have sex with any other men.