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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

When you meet new people at what point do you 'out' yourself as a feminist?

90 replies

margerykemp · 25/09/2011 15:27

I've just become part of a new 'crowd'. Maybe I'm just feeling paranoid but I feel like I'm 'hiding in the closet' as a feminist as I haven't mentioned it (yet). Part of me doesn't want to be labelled as a 'man-hating, hairy legged lesbian' but it is such a core part of my identity that I dont feel like I am being entirely honest with people by 'hiding' it.

I feel a bit daft writing this now!

But have any other MN feministas felt this dilemma?

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Hullygully · 28/09/2011 11:30

I suppose it depends if you want to shut them up or convert them.

LRDTheFeministDragon · 28/09/2011 11:32

True, hully.

Beachcomber · 28/09/2011 11:36

I'm not sure I want either of those TBH.

I think I just don't want to be subject to sexism.

phdlife · 28/09/2011 11:39

LRD it's been funny coming back to Oz and 'civilian' life - rather less of that comfort these days.

And I've yet to run into a MNer down here (sigh)

LRDTheFeministDragon · 28/09/2011 11:52

Are there no Australian MNers? How odd.

Btw, there seem to be zillions of Australian PhD students/academics around - I've never been there but like to imagine it is a very erudite counry.

blackcurrants · 28/09/2011 12:28

Interestingly, Hully I have a conversation like that almost every week.
I'd put my students (22 in class) into self- selected groups, by topic, to discuss different themes in the book we were reading. One theme was 'representation of Women'. The group was four young women.
One said "Isn't it funny how we're all girls?"
Another said "Yeah I know! I mean, I find this really interesting. I'm not a feminist or anything, I mean..."
Whole group "Oh no, of course not."
Me, their instructor, "Um...."

blackcurrants · 28/09/2011 12:37

(PS I did not, at that point, suggest they sign my MANIFESTO. I was teaching.)

Hullygully · 28/09/2011 12:37

Scary.

My dd is 13, I'll ask her if she would call herself a feminist, and her friends.

Woe betide if she gives the wrong answer...

LRDTheFeministDragon · 28/09/2011 13:02

black -

I had a student who did admit to being a feminist. Unfortunately, he was also the one who concluded that rape was a perfectly appropriate narrative device for demonstrating that men need to learn by experience (of rape) what women really want.

The 'I'm not a feminist I want things to be equal' seems very common.

I occasionally talk to mates about things I've read on here and (because I don't out myself as a MNer), I end up saying 'well, the women in the feminist group I belong to were saying ...'. Guess that outs me as well.

WishIwereAtTheWiesnProst · 28/09/2011 13:02

Beachcomber

I had some mormons come to my door and ask me about god, I told them I was agnostic, and they said oh tell us about it.

They spent an hour at my house chatting about my agnosticism and their travels. Then thanked me for showing them a nice time and went on their way. They were lovely!

Beachcomber · 28/09/2011 13:19

I suppose they are quite pleased when people talk to them for a bit rather than just hedging with them.

The ones who came to my door were very nice and awfully understanding of how radical feminism and organised religion weren't very compatible. We did agree that I probably wasn't suited to their organisation.

AyeBelieveInTheHumanityOfMen · 28/09/2011 13:22

I don't announce it, but will say if asked. I do challenge a lot, though, so it's quite obvious.

I don't assume that everyone is a feminist. The evidence is all around me that this isn't the case, so I'd rather stick to the reality of the lives of women.

WishIwereAtTheWiesnProst · 28/09/2011 14:57

I had a student who did admit to being a feminist. Unfortunately, he was also the one who concluded that rape was a perfectly appropriate narrative device for demonstrating that men need to learn by experience (of rape) what women really want. Being thick LRDTheFeministDragon does that mean he thought men needed to be raped to understand the situation or had to rape?

The 'I'm not a feminist I want things to be equal' seems very common.
I think that is a response to many people thinking feminism wants women higher than men on the hierarchy.

LRDTheFeministDragon · 28/09/2011 15:03

wish - you're not being thick, it's just I'm being boring as I've mentioned this before on here. Basically, there's a text we read where a woman is raped, and her rapist is punished, and as a result learns how to make women happy. My student didn't realize that this is quite a misogynistic message - that the rape is justified because it results (ultimately) in the better treatment of women. He thought he was being a feminist because he supported the end message, that men should treat women better, and didn't realize the end message is one that condones rape as an unfortunate learning experience for men.

Sorry, it's beside the point but did illustrate to me fairly clearly that identifying as a feminist can sometimes be something people do partly because they like the way it sounds or they have a sense it's a good thing, but not always because they really want to examine it as an ideology.

WishIwereAtTheWiesnProst · 28/09/2011 15:43

oh ok thanks for clarifying!

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