When you meet new people at what point do you 'out' yourself as a feminist?

[margerykemp]

I've just become part of a new 'crowd'. Maybe I'm just feeling paranoid but I feel like I'm 'hiding in the closet' as a feminist as I haven't mentioned it (yet). Part of me doesn't want to be labelled as a 'man-hating, hairy legged lesbian' but it is such a core part of my identity that I dont feel like I am being entirely honest with people by 'hiding' it.

I feel a bit daft writing this now!

But have any other MN feministas felt this dilemma?

[Catitainahatita]

Oops. I laughed so much I managed to post twice.

[Beachcomber]

PMSL at Blackcurrants' MANIFESTO.

That's how I feel about it too. Of course one's values and politics come across to others by things we say and mention, but I think the actual word 'feminist' popping up (naturally) in conversation is a Good Thing.

BIWI - the Mormons were very nice actually. They agreed that we didn't have an awful lot in common, shook my hand and said it was nice to meet someone with convictions. I almost invited them in to sign my MANIFESTO.

[BecauseImWorthIt]

Beachcomber - do you think it would work with the plethora of people who arrive on my doorstep trying to get me to change my gas/electricity provider?

[Beachcomber]

Will you give it a try and get back to us?

I see to get about a hundred phone calls a week asking me to buy solar panels for my roof - might try it on them.

Poor person who has to do cold calling - "Good Morning, can I interest you in some solar panels?"
Beach - "No thank you I'm a radical feminist who wishes to smash the Patriarchy. Come the revolution your capitalist solar panels will be up against the wall."
Cold caller - Hangs up quietly and has a new one to tell her work mates about on her break.

[FetchezLaVache]

Nobody has ever told me that I can't possibly be a feminist because I'm too nice. Hmmm...



Seriously, though, I have grown so fed up over the years of hearing the words "I'm not a feminist, but..." out of the mouths of intelligent women (who suddenly realise, upon further investigation on my part, that they may not be feminists but they seem to believe firmly in all the main tenets of feminism) that I make a point of using the "F" word whenever the opportunity arises. I obviously don't introduce myself as Fetchez La Féministe, but as it's clear the patriarchy has done a top job of making feminism a dirty word, I'm just trying to do my bit to reclaim it.

[Hullygully]

Beach, as an aside, you could just sign up to the TPS..

[Hullygully]

I'm intigued by the notion of these conversations

Person: You can't be a feminist, you're too nice
Fem: What is your understanding of a feminist?
Person: Oh you know, someone who hates men, wears dungarees and likes a bit of muff
Fem: Do you think that women and men should have the same rights, privileges etc etc?

1. Person: Er, yes
   

Fem: So...?

1. Person: No
   

Fem: Then you are an arse

No?

[Beachcomber]

Could be brilliant fun with the Avon lady.

[Beachcomber]

Don't think we have TPS in France. Did have equivalent Orange service for a while, but created havoc with my work (work from home).

[MrsClown]

Its really funny but because I have purple spikey hair people tend to assume I am a feminist! I recently had a woman ask what my husband thinks of my being a feminist. That makes me really mad. I dont really care what he thinks but he happens to agree with me and accompanies me when he is can on feminist activism. I dont suppose I would be married to him if he didnt.

I have also been told I am too nice to be a feminist, whatever that means.

[fluffles]

this thread reminds me of a lovely girl i met in a dublin youth hostel when i was a student.

she literally said 'hi, i'm x and i'm an ecofeminist' the moment we walked into the dorm

my friend and i are both feminist (she in a more academic way than me) and i have an interest in some forms of ecofeminism but we still can't keep a straight face when people talk about it because of the girl from the dublin youth hostel.

[LRDTheFeministDragon]

'Fetchez La Féministe' - that sounds wonderful!

hully - nope, never punched anyone and certainly not the senior-to-me men who usually come out with this stuff. It'd make a terrible mess over the sherry.

[Hullygully]

Well if you must eschew violence, how about laughing at them all sweetly, then when they ask why you are laughing, say, Oh but you can't possibly mean those things because you are a decent human being. Shame them into it.

[Beachcomber]

I don't really 'do' laughing sweetly myself. Doesn't seem very direct.

Never punched anyone for not being a feminist either

[LRDTheFeministDragon]

Possibly, but I think people who're sure what they're saying is funny and/or true don't respond to shame. In my experience. I do genuinely find there's something about replying to questions by saying I'm a feminist is very effective. They may conclude I'm a humourless/naive cow, but they do stop assuming I'm in thrall to the manly sexism.

I get the impression I've come across some prize wankers though, compared with some people on this thread!

[Hullygully]

No, not direct. But one needs weapons appropriate to the situation. LRD is talking about men senior to her. Winning the battle is more important than the tactics employed in my book.

[LRDTheFeministDragon]

beach, I cross-posted but it isn't very direct, is it?

The people who get under my skin most are those for whom sexism is really, really funny. I've come across very direct misogyny (the prof who said women are intellectually inferior to men springs to mind, can't get much more direct than that!), but at least there you know where you are. And people who're that direct get a reputation for being bigots. What is much worse are those people who fancy themselves as urbane, amusing, post-feminists and pass off any comment as a joke. Laughing sweetly is not really what helps there - though I bet it does when you come across an idiot who doesn't get why you find him funny, to be fair.

[LRDTheFeministDragon]

hully, it doesn't win the battle though - it sounds as if I agree with them.

I do like the 'assume any sane person is a feminist' stance though.

[Hullygully]

I mean, laugh if they say something overtly sexist with a straight face, obviously laughing if they think they've made a joke won't work!!

[phdlife]

I think I've always fuzzily assumed any sane person was a feminist.
It helped that in my previous life (academia) I was surrounded by people who actually were and had no trouble saying so.
these days I make a joke of it when someone notices I still have my own surname instead of dh's. "Yeah," I say, "It's because I'm a bolshie feminist." Never had a comment back

[Hardgoing]

I have never mentioned being a feminist to anyone, nor has anyone ever mentioned it to me. I work with lots of females who are very career-oriented and high achievers. We do talk about the sense of entitlement of the men around us though, and call it when we see it. So, if women are spoken about or treated in anything less than a fair way (esp. concerning maternity rights), I speak up in meetings or write emails.

It is not an identity thing with me though (wonders if I am not a feminist then).

[phdlife]

actually come to think of it they may well notice my hairy legs and pits and figure it out before we even get to that point.

[LRDTheFeministDragon]

Mmm, I think I'll carry on as I am, tbh. I doubt anyone obtuse enough to crack misognyistic jokes to a woman will note the subtle implications of facial expression.

phdlife - it's so nice when you realize you are surrounded by like-minded people, isn't it? I guess that's true in whatever context you're thinking of, but I do love it when I hear people say something and just know they're feminists (or, occasionally, when I am damn sure they must be MN or MN-influenced feminists ).

[Beachcomber]

I've generally found a fairly curt 'old fashioned sexist ideas don't have a place in the modern workplace' works for me.

I then move swiftly on to something professional with a 'so back to the relevant topic' type comment.