a bit of an odd one, but bear with me please... I wish I could make this punchy so people will post here, as working this out is really really important to me, both in terms of understanding the world more, but also in a very personal way.
I avidly read the feminist threads, and have been following the attempts to derail constructive debate here with a mounting sense of irritation/fury/depression, but also a sense of familiarity and personal relevance. Last night I realised why, and now i really need your help to work it out some more!
In a very large nutshell: i work in a very unpleasant company, which would be interesting enough for a post of its own - run by 2 women, but a product of a patriarchal society and women's individual ways to get ahead within that context (see second post for more about this if you want to read more! but you don't need to, more me ranting!)
I have become disabled, they are discriminating against me, i've just realised that they are using a lot of the techniques that people use against women/ feminists to deny them equality. Need to identity these techniques and work out how to deal with them, as without this i feel i'll fail to get through this.
I have become disabled partially because they have refused to listen to me and make adjustments, and now its crunch time, I need them to make adjustments, and quick. I have realised they are definitely discriminating against me because of my disability (consulted lawyers), but have had the insight that the way they interact and 'discuss' things with me echoes misogynist/ anti-feminist debate, even though they are women themselves.
The penny dropped after a really uncomfortable conversation with a director on Wednesday, which afterwards my friends nailed why i was upset in one... that she was belittling and minimising my disability/ health/ need for change. Minimising totally rang a bell... thats what people do to women to keep the status quo of inequality.
I now have a PLAN! late next week i have a formal meeting to discuss my disability and the changes they need to put in place. They will be trying every trick they know to not help me, break me down and make me go away...
I make them uncomfortable and they hate me and what i represent. I am ill having been perfectly well - reminder of lifes unfairness and their own mortality. They know that they have contributed to it, and guilt doesn;t make people act in a nice way... I am ugly now, fat and on crutches/ braces, limping/ dragging feet etc... ugliness is not tolerated, its disgusting and they don't want it in their company. I am a single mum coping with no family support and an abusive ex... they want to blame everything on 'child care issues'... and kick the weakling working mum who they despise for not being seamlessly in control...
I have prepared a really good business case, I know the law is on my side, I have the solution which is good for them and me... and I know they'd rather do anything than actually make it work. So, I need to prepare myself for all the underhand techniques they will use to discriminate and derail me.
My problem is i know they are doing something, but can't identify it til afterwards, when its too late to react appropriately...
This is where you brilliant people come in... please help me make a list of all the misogynist and discriminatory behaviours and discourse techniques, then I can learn to identify them and then handle them.
I tried to look it up on the internet last night and to my horror got a load of women hating sites explaining how feminists debate badly (spits and growls, ffs)... but again thats a whole other post...
so to follow are my thoughts on the list... can you add and debate and generally help me please?????
NB in case you are wondering, I need to stay working with them for another 6-12 mths, if i possibly can, but if they refuse to play ball, am going to have to take them to court, which i don't want to do if i can help it (yet anyway).