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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Are we equal within this marriage?

29 replies

wicketkeeper · 10/07/2011 14:31

We're perfectly happy - but following conversations in which my mother feels DH has a hard life, and DD thinks I do, I've begun to wonder, and would like an outside opinion.
Some background information - currently we run our own business, from home (he does the work, I do the books), and take equal payments out of it. I also work part-time as a supply teacher, so effectively I earn more than DH. In the past we have had periods when I have been the sole breadwinner, and periods when he has been. I do most, but not all, of the cooking (he always has the kettle on and a meal on the table when I've been teaching all day). I do most, but not all of the washing (if I need him to do a wash while I'm at work, he will do it gladly, but is unlikely to notice that it needs doing). I do all of the ironing. I do most, but not all, of the dishwasher filling/emptying. He does most, but not all, of the car-related stuff (I will happily take the car for a service, but I'm unlikely to know that a service is due). He does most, but not all, of the DIY. Once a week we have a mad couple of hours, where between us we do all the vacuuming and clean the bathrooms. He is a hands-on Dad and Grandad. In the past, when he was working 12 hours a day, I would get up at 6 to make tea and toast and fix up a packed lunch for him (as I wasn't working, I felt that this was the least I could do, but my daughter thought he should do it himself).
So, what's the verdict?? Seriously want to know, as I feel I'm somewhere in the middle between my mother's 'traditional' outlook, and my daughter's take on it.

OP posts:
swallowedAfly · 11/07/2011 19:21

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GrimmaTheNome · 11/07/2011 19:29

I reckon if you're happy that's fine. The OPs marriage may not be exactly 50:50 but it sounds equal enough -she's no-ones doormat. She sounds assertive enough, and he sounds fair enough to deal with matters amicably if she (or he!) feels something is too out of kilter.

TeiTetua · 11/07/2011 22:59

Seems to me that the mother and the daughter need to back off and find something else to worry about. If you've got a marriage where partners support each other, lucky you (both).

wicketkeeper · 11/07/2011 23:19

Well, that's annoying - I wrote a lovely long reply, then hit the back button to just check something on the first page, and lost the lot. Grrr.

Anyway - sorry I've been quiet - blame a day at work. To summarise, as long as we're happy with the status quo and neither of us feel hard-done-to, we're probably getting it about right. And a ready reckoner is to look at leisure time. Today I spent the day teaching in a Reception class while DH spent the day organising an upcoming business trip. When I got home he made me a cup of tea, then we had a quick snack (I'd had a main meal at work, he's on a diet) and decided to go out for a walk (beautiful weather). We then sat in the garden with a glass of wine. He came in and carried on organising his trip (two weeks in the States, visiting three different facilities, with all the flights, car hire and hotels that will involve). I sat out for a little longer, then came in and watched TV for a while. I then got on with a bit of paperwork (determined to get to the bottom of that in-tray...), we watched University Challenge together, did some more work, then he carried on while I watched that Rageh Omar thing about Islam. DH made us a coffee, and later I made us a cup of tea. Yup, seems pretty evenly matched to me. Watch out DM and DD - back off, both of you!!

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