Would you mention that you had children at a job interview?

[GetOrf]

This subject came up in another thread.

I have never said that I had children in an interview - I had a 4 month maternity gap which I just left as that - a gap - when I applied for a job after having dd.

When I had been at that job a few months I applied to go on the company's training scheme - I still didn't say I had a baby because I was afraid that they would disregard my application if they knew I had a 9 month old baby.

I have moved jobs a lot and have never mentioned being a mother in interviews. I have always mentioned being a mother casually several months in.

That said - I have always worked in a very male-dominated environment, I know that I would have been unofficially written off if I said I wsas a mother. Has anyone else spent their career doing that?

Also, someone said on the other thread that they always take their wedding and engagement rings off at job interviews as well, I have never done that (am not married and only been engaged a couple of years so it has never came up as an issue).

It's very sad, but I know it has been necessary in my own case.

I've been musing some more on this, and realised that, although I do not intentionally mention my children in interview, I probably do mention it to recruiters (my new job prospects these days mainly come through headhunters) as I work 4 days a week, and want to keep that going for a few years at least. So I guess the message will have got through to most prospective employers anyway.

I do think the tide is slowly turning, in my industry at least. One of my most recent bosses (a single woman with no children in her forties) said she would have absolutely no qualms about employing women with small children as they were the best time-managers she'd ever come across and they generally fitted in as much work as anyone else even with time-constraints of having to leave for school pick-ups etc. She did say that this generally did not apply to men with children, as it was still the women who did most of the work at home, regardless of how 'wrong' this was!

I do appreciate this is not the case for most industries- I work for one where it is easier to flex your hours and can in fact be a bonus, as global working means that vendors and colleagues can be on very different timezones. I quite often do evening TCs (with in my hand ).

I was directly asked in an final round interview if I had children and when I said yes was told - by the female MD - that in her opinion working mothers did neither job well ( i.e. both work and parenting)... ...

This was in front of another senior member of her team who has just returned from mat leave! I nearly said.. 'I'll get me coat then'

I did, on the same basis as Tortoise. I was taking a 30% pay cut and moving out of the city where I was doing very well in a professional job to move in house.

It has worked very well. My office is full of parents, everyone has photos up and there is absolutely no question that if you have to go / work from home for a family related reason, you do so.

i would love to work in parent-oriented company

21 years ago (I was 19) I was interviewed for a fairly basic admin job in a male-dominated industry. I had worked there as a temp for weeks already so they knew me and were happy with my work.
Anyway, I used to wear a ring that just happened to be on my engagement finger.
They asked me at interview (and I was a bit angry about it tbh) if I was "you know, umm err, going to get married, and then umm err you might want to have children and leave etc".
I looked the male interviewers in the eye and said clearly and politely "you do realise that you are not allowed to ask me that".
I then added that actually I was not engaged and even if I was it had no relevance to the interview.

I wouldn't unless it was necessary - i.e. to explain a significant gap in employment, as it probably sounds better to say you took a career break because of family responsibilities, rather than have them assume you were just unemployed!

Otherwise I can't even imagine how it would come up. I don't know whether it would lead to discrimination, but it would probably sound a bit weird and unprofessional to start going on about your children in an interview!

It all comes down to the attitudes of the employer - male or female doesn't matter.
I've had a lovely male boss who had the same view's as poledra's former boss re: working mums and their excellent time management. He actively supported me when I went p/t.

But I've also had shocking male and female bosses who - even though some had children themselves - would not employ mothers - and discriminated against mums already in the workplace.

It's still a workplace/industry lotto as to whether you will be greeted with open arms or as a pariah as a working mum.

My mother was in charge of sorting people (mainly women) as candidates for interview in a public sector job and her 'brief' was to look for women who had children beyond nursery age. The reason - less likley to go on maternity leave and once the children are past nursery age mothers are less clingy and not as inclined to stay off if the children are ill. Mum said she lost count of the number of brilliant cv she threw away without them even being considered as they were the wrong age/stage of parenting. This is the public sector! I was shocked!

oreocrumbs, even leaving aside what your mum was asked to do, how did she decide who had children of nursery age?

I was thinking the same thing - surely people don't put their children/ages on their cv ?

Anyone I know who has admitted that they discriminate in this way has said they do it based on age. I suppose you could tell from the CVs of many women because they will have explained gaps on CVs due to family responsibilities or have suddenly gone part time. But there must be a high likelihood of error.

Yes - my 'couldn't be arsed working' gaps would have fitted that model perfectly, actually. Would you write on a CV if you were part-time? Is it relevant? I don't put my age on my CV either, although you can have a good stab at it based on my years at uni / year of GCSEs etc.

In fact, the only clue to my gender is my first name, I might start taking that off as well! (When I review application forms, they have been anonymised in any case).

Mollymole - why on earth as an employer do you ask? None of your business and possibly discriminatory (i.e. illegal) to ask that question.

Hell no!
I count my maternity leave time as employed time as, officially I am still employed in that job. Gaps would be a total giveaway. If my last employer had known I'd had DCs they wouldn't have hired me.

rainbow - agreed about maternity leave, you wouldn't put that down as a gap. It's where someone's been a SAHP and thus actually between periods of (paid) employment that the gaps are more obvious.

"however, it would make no difference to me whether the applicant is male or female, i would ask the same questions regarding children/childcare"

by law you would be required to. It's illegal to ask only female candidates if they have children.

I'm a self-employed artist/designer, so have never had to face this dilemma.

I have an older sister, and she doesn't mention her DCs in interviews, as she says it isn't relevant as to whether or not she can do the job.

I have been a stay at home mum since having my first child! I would probably have to mention my children if I returned to work as my middle child is profoundly disabled and has lots of appointments!

I've been asked once. I was not happy about it and asked if they would ask a male candidate that question. Having already decided not to take the job is offered I enjoyed the squirm that followed.

The last interview I attended it did come up. However, it was in the context of why I wanted a job that was both a step backwards in seniority and, more importantly, in salary. My response, apart from the challenge of learning a completely new system (I work in an IT related area) was that the job was very close to my home. At a pinch I could walk in so the travel costs would offset some of the salary drop and my dughter's school was nearby so I could walk her to school and still be in work on time. To be fair, one of the interview panel had worked for me in the past so the fact that I have children wasn't exactly a secret.

Bovril - has the employee said she will find this diffficult, or are you assuming it will be? Maybe the child's father can do pick-ups on those days?

I travelled and worked late on and off since DS was a baby, and DP and I shared our parenting equally. I would never assume anything about a male or a female employee, and have made flexible arrangements for both, while expecting all employees to be able to to the job required.

In my last interview I mentioned, in passing, that I had children. I didn't say that I was a single parent. As I'm a man they probably didn't even consider the possibility.

I have been asked about my childcare arrangement on numerous occassions. I'd love to turn around and say would you ask that of a man but I suspect that would be the end of my interview.

Ishani,

if you think you weren't given a job because you have children you do have a legal right to ask them to show that all other candidates were asked the same.

I haven't been in this situation yet. I'm still at the same company I was at pre-children.

I would not mention it in an interview now but like MrIC my DH would have no qualms about mentioning he's a father. Even though he and I do 50% each of the childcare, it wouldn't occur to DH that he could be discriminated against for being a parent.

It's that old chestnut isn't it - working fathers get a lot less grief than working mothers.

A father who has to leave at work 4 o clock sharp to collect his children - hero father and all round marvel

A woman who does the same - slack working woman using her children as an ecxuse to skive