Top Tips for not-yet-a-mum Feminists, please?

[LRDTheFeministDragon]

There are a lot of threads at the moment about being a parent, and I know I'm not the only one who isn't a mum yet but would like to be. I am learning loads from those threads but also obviously missing a lot because I don't know what it's really like yet! I wondered if you could take a minute to tell me what you wish you'd known before you started, how you wish you'd tackled things - and what you did that you think made a big difference and really worked. What should I watch out for?

I know some of this will have been covered but I think it'd be nice to have it all on one thread - there are a few of us on here who are probably on the scrounge for tips and I sometimes feel it's difficult for me to understand what the real battles will be.

Thanks!

I have to say PrinceHumperdink does have a point - I would give it a year or two -between 30 and 33 say isn't a massive difference in terms of conceiving - in my view -

do you have things you or your DH would really like to do - like travel, work, study house things etc - that would be more difficult when you have children
and perhaps explore a bit why you are not interested - not that there is anything wrong with not being of course -
and maybe you and DH spend some more time with/look after some children - you might find it more fun/interesting than you think or not of course
also getting finances in a really good state is very helpful - personally we never had a much spare money the few years just before we had kids -

So many interesting points here, given me lots to think about.

Ephiny I feel the same way as you. Certainly not broody and in two minds as to whether this is the right thing to do. But to counteract that, I'm also feeling that we're running out of time and I certainly don't want to get caught in a situation where I change my mind but find I've left it too late. I think seeing friends dealing with infertility has definitely affected my view on this. Having said that, I'd prefer to adopt anyway (because of the health issues everyone has mentioned - I have a history of depression and am terrified of PND) if DH would agree to that so for me I don't think it would be the end of the world if we couldn't have our own.

thank you for this thread LRD - i am also not yet a mum and some of the issues that have come up on here are things that dp and I have spoken about.

one thing from my own situation is that dp is a secondary school teacher whereas i'm in an office-based business job. this means that (assuming i would go back to work, which is likely but I know htat it's difficult to know exactly what the situation post-dc might be) he would have almost three times as much holiday as me, which would be positive in terms of him taking on an equal share of the childcare

i actually work in a business that has quite a lot of women at a high level, though not beyond a certain point. most of the senior men and women have children, and from observation it seems that the problem for the women in terms of going higher is the increased amount of travel. the men with children all have wives/partners who either don't work or have jobs that mean they can take care of the children while the men travel. the women have husbands/partners who have to travel themselves and their h's travel seems to take priority (or their hs aren't prepared to support it - i don't know personal circustances well enough).

I worry about this, because i am ambitious. however, i admit I encouraged dp to become a secondary school teacher (he wanted to obviously and loves his job), which although is not flexible in term times and can involve residential trips, it means if/when we have children his job could better complement mine than other jobs might, because he has more holiday and less last-minute travel. likewise, I am in an industry where i can easily work from home if necessary. I don't like to always because i like being around my colleagues, but if we had a child who was ill i could look after them. it seems calculated perhaps, especially as it is unlikely that we will have children for a few years, but we have discussed this quite a bit

Hi everyone.

I am so sorry - I posted this thread then stopped replying to the excellent comments halfway through. I was having a thesis crisis (now over, thank god, but it was painful). I'm partly replying to say thanks because I have really appreciated reading your advice, and partly to bump this thread because ironing has just started one about being a mum and feminism, and I thought the two might be interesting to the same people.

Thanks again, everyone.