Ok then - what's the absolute best way to respond to physical/verbal sexual harrassment?

[ElephantsAndMiasmas]

...Apart from with the Feminist Cavalry obviously.

Last week I had one man feel me up at a work event, and another make very loud comments to me about my breasts in the pub. I had never met either of these men before, but they were surrounded by their/our friends and presumably felt sure that no serious consequences would result of their behaviour to me (like, say, friends dumping them).

BOTH times I was told afterwards by other women who'd been there that the men had done the same or worse to them in the past.

So what I want to know is, what should we do, when faced with this twattish behaviour? I want something that will show the perpetrator that it's not ok, and discourage them from trying it on me or anyone else again.

Thoughts/ideas?

Because shutting up and being polite about it isn't working for me any more.

I'd recommend all-women self defence classes. never thought it would 'work' until i tried it. He ran away. The effective thing is role play and repetition until your response becomes automatic. Your body remembers what to do/say/shout even if you're scared or embarrassed. Be prepared to feel like a pillock, it will wear off with practice, then you don't have to get through those feelings at the time.

I suggest, the next time it happens, you grab the offender by the crotch, drag him outside and explain the legal concept of assault to him with the to of your shoe. You need not put up with what is, at heart, psychotic molestation.

I did quite a lot of self-defence at school and later as a police officer (no specific martial arts though). While I think it is a really great idea for almost every woman, I also think that the best thing you can work on yourself (i.e. other than ending the appalling acceptance of male violence) to keep yourself safe on the streets is running. Putting someone down is good, if they then give up that's excellent. But putting someone out, especially someone bigger than you, is hard. So once they're down (or you get some other escape route) you need to be able to get away. Go running. It's good for you too.

Still, I don't think it's a great answer to the OP. Feeling physically less vulnerable can make you feel better able to handle situations, or at least deal with some of the risks. But I don't think it stops attacks. And sadly in the sorts of situations Elephants experienced, a violent response (or running away) are probably going to have significant negative consequences for the woman. I do think being verbal about it, naming it as sexual assault, reporting it and telling people it has happened are good ways to deal with it. In a professional setting I think the reporting thing is important if you can do so without significant repercussions, even if you don't think their boss will take it seriously. Because the next time it might be worse or there might be a woman who will sue and your report could be evidence that will help make justice at least a little bit more likely.

I like the idea of a feminist cavalry, might need some serious stable space on that commune.

My mental response to this was "punch him in the face" but, actually, when it has happened to me (many, many years ago) I actually did nothing except freeze.

I like the idea of the notebook very much.

I did self defence classes wih my sis

It was a great laugh, but the instructor was very clear that after having done them you should not really feel safer and make the mistake of thinking you would be able to actually fight your attacker off in the heat of the moment

His best advice was to shout very loudly, get away by any means possible and then stay away until you find assistance. I wouldn't try to use it unless I felt my safety was very, very compromised because of the risk of escalating violence. Physically hurting someone, when it doesn't come naturally is very difficult to do.

The notebook thing is brilliant. Say you are making notes for a harassment case very loudly and watch him squirm.

I also have used the "why" approach. "Why are you touching me?" is easy to remember and won't get you tangled up with your words. Or "why would you say that ?" with a puzzled expression is very, very effective.

Anyfucker - good point, the main aim is stay safe, not get into a macho fight for victory. We were told to avoid using weapons, esp door keys as they can be taken and used against you, then you can't get into your house.