More woman get annoyed on mothersday, than men get annoyed on fathers day.....

[LoveBeingKnockedUp]

I'm not a regular on this section but to take a look when a thread takes my fancy.

Just wondering what your thoughts are really. Am thinking that every year there are a number of threads from unhappy women who feel they have not had a good enough mothers day, on the flip side i don't hear of any men being upset on fathers day.

So is it expectation, woman expect more, or men get treated better so have nothing to complain about?

Exactly any woman that does it is you that is screwed so its not your fault the mans a twat, but just dont put up with it is my point. Not directed at anyone but for every woman on the forums that comes on and says these things.

Domestic work- neither of us.

Childcare- mainly me because I'm a SAHM.

I have look at these sort of 'special' days from a very different angle now.

I used to have great expectations of Mothers day, valentines days, birthdays etc. I would get upset if I felt ignored or undervalued.

I honestly dont give a toss now. Any tiny thing my OH does for me is wonderful because I expect he feels the same as me. Every 'special' day is just a reminder of DD not being here. I know I can bearly get it together to get him a birthday card or fathers day card so understand the effort it takes for him to do it too.

A fucking hard way to get life into perspective but a very e/affective (sorry) way.

I think women are told to feel upset if we dont get the whole shebang on MD. We are told this by the people who make money from it. MD is a lovely old tradition that has been twisted into a commercial mess. I know that is hardly an original observation but its true.

Look at Christmas. Apparently everyone HAS to have a new sofa according to the adverts
Mothers Day HAS to be perfect. Your OH has to be a bit bumbling with the DCs, making a mess in the kitchen as he tries to make some toast, the silly thing. Yet still be clever enough to arrange flowers, dinner, jewelry etc etc. The DCs have to present you with an artfully naive card and something expensively twee.

Or no-one loves you.

Cleaner. Day to day stuff (put stuff in dishwasher, feed cats etc) we split.

TBH, I don't expect more from mother's day than a card from DS. And since he's too little to do it himself, I expect DH to put himself out just a touch and get one for him. Anything other than that is a bonus - but no card = red rag to a bull. It's just not that difficult to do, is it?

Anyway - thankfully our mother's day here in Australia isn't until June - that's a lot better for me this year.

Thank Holy Fk I'm out of that "2 bunches of garage flowers and he thinks everything is fine" loop. How do you people stand it.

And I do partially blame women for putting up with it, frankly.

Believe it or not, you are worth more, and there's plenty of women on here who will tell you how a real man treats a woman: with respect, love and consideration, and considers raising children and keeping the home going an equal task to be shared between you.

Only skimmed the posts. I guess women are more "invested" in mothers day, and get more upset if it doesn't happen for them, as mostly they are the ones with the main childcare responsibilities?

Frankly I think anyone spending their time looking after preschoolers needs some kind of massive fucking award.

And I include men, women, GPs, people who do it professionally etc etc.

Mothers day is something that I appreciate now that I have children. I don't mind about anything for me, but I do get something for my mum as a thank-you. She took 10 years out of work to be SAHM to me and my brother, I know that we drove her bananas, I didn't realise how much until I did it myself! So I say thank-you to her and I mean it.

Maybe it should be "day for everyone with primary responsibility for childcare" or something. Because that's what it's about, isn't it.

Mothers day is yet another ceremonial con (yes you can add engagement and wedding ceremonies in from my perspective)....designed to make women feel like having a little attention paid on them is sufficient to excuse the level service expected from them.

Children doing something for their mum can be sweet, but these over commercial days when women still bear the majority burden of domestic and childcare work just make my teeth itch.

I am guessing that years ago it was time to celebrate in a Christian form the well-behaved sanitised version of motherhood modelled on the Virgin Mary. 'Look, oh women, be chaste, hard-working and uncomplaining, make babies and care for them, and once a year we will make a big deal and demonstrate how you are particularly blessed by God... so shut up and put up!'

Now the religious bit has largely been excised and it's been turned into another festival of commercialisation and competitive acquisition. Come on, FFS how can a baby give it's mother a gift? It can't. It's a chance for commerce to prod people into a frenzy of expectation and anxiety.

I really don't think that failing to buy the requisite bouquet of flowers is 'treating women badly'. Is it really?

"The deal is that men get to domestically exploit women the other 364 days a year, and this is the one day where some appreciation is supposed to be shown by the family"

Well is that's the deal I don't want it thanks!

Wasn't it about returning to your mother church - seeing your family in so doing - to begin with?

Has certainly moved on since then though...

"The deal is that men get to domestically exploit women the other 364 days a year, and this is the one day where some appreciation is supposed to be shown by the family"

I always thought that Mothers' Day was about the kids showing some appreciation to their Mothers (rather than their husbands doing it - as you say that should be every day of the year). That said I remember my dad helping my sister and me get breakfast in bed ready for my mum when I was little - I feel bad that I'm reduced to posting her cards and talking to her on Skype these days (we're in different countries).

Though now I think about it, having just one day where children are culturally obliged to show their appreciation of their mothers is pretty pathetic...

It's not actually mother's day here in Spain (it's in May) but we've already had San Jose (father's day - which actually makes sense and isn't a modern invention) and I got some chocolate, which was more than I expected from DD (13 months) . I'd love to give DW a lie-in everyday frankly, but she wont take one (says she's hungry by 7am so just wants breakfast thanks, and hot porridge in bed is just too dangerous - we've learnt the hard way!)

I'm reading 'What Mothers Do' at the moment and it has really helped me to understand the feelings I've had since having DS. I think that Mothering Sunday should be about acknowledging what it is that mothers do. Not necessarily about the domestic chores etc (that is a separate issue that should be dealt with on a daily basis IMO) but about that very difficult to articulate thing it is that we give of ourselves to our children, that generally goes unnoticed and unappreciated by ourselves, our families and society.

One day isn't really enough. Mothering should be properly respected (and not revered in the sort of popular, cultish, 'putting mothers on a pedestal' way you sometimes see) but properly respected for being an important and valueble, often self-sacrificing, task.

Although task isn't really the right word. Please would someone help me with expressing this properly?