Regretting having children

[HerBeX]

There are two threads I've looked at today which set me thinking and I wanted to discuss the issues raised from a feminist perspective. Didn't want to disrupt what are primarily support threads for women feeling that they regret having children, by wandering off into theoretical feminist meanderings, so I thought I'd start a thread here to discuss this phenomenon.

The threads are

here

and

here

Basically as I read through these threads, I couldn't help thinking that if your life has been turned upside down, that of your partner hasn't and you've lost all your social status, isn't it a logical, sane response to be really depressed about that and to regret doing the thing which has led to this state of affairs? Under patriarchy, isn't it actually quite a sensible choice, for women not to have children at all, because the penalty for doing so, financially and socially, is so great?

The problem being that in some societies, the penalty for not having children, is even greater...

Any thoughts?

And we aren't just talking about SAHM or about gaining recompense when splitting up. It's a bit bad if the only value childcare has attached to it is when you split up!

It's very sad that they feel isolated, but the government cannot be expected to sort this for them. Surely the answer lies in reaching out to other mums in same boat?
What is it supposed to do? It won't pay women a wage for childcare, will it?
The govt will say that the responsibility falls upon the wage earner for this financial provision as they have made a pact to be a financially-joint unit via marriage.
Even cohabitees are treated the same way when it comes to the DENIAL of monies.

The only way to get them to recognise the value of childcare is to make children a precious ECONOMIC commodity (they are obviously precious in other ways to their family) and that it is worthwhile to pay mothers for doing it.

I know a lot of men leave their families and do not provide financial support, but there is at least a system in place to prevent this.

No, the only way to make childcare valued, IMO, is to completely overhaul the system and create a society where women are totally equal to men, and children are equal as well, and respected and enjoyed by society as a whole.

I chose to have a baby when I was aged 24. Luckily for DH and I it happened quickly and our DS is happy and healthy.

From talking to older women I know it seems like a lot of them also had children young, as it was expected of them.

Yet, many of my peers were amazed when I announced that DH and I were having a planned baby. Some were openly critical about "ruining my fun" and "having no more time" etc.

I don't regret having DS at all, but I do see how social views on mothers have the potential to isolate, rather than include women.

Since I have had DS all the toddler groups in the world are open to me, but chances to go to cafes with childless friends are fewer and fewer.

Mr IC I agree with what you said and how you said it.

absolutely agree that this is a capitalist and materialistic issue as well as a feminist one

I really relate to what Bumperlicious said about the physical toll it takes. I had a bad (but by no means trully awful) pregnancy, birth and first few months. It has made me more a feminist. I simply cannot believe the shit women have to put up with! As I say it could have been much worse for me, in terms of how I was treated at work, by medical staff, by official support of health visitors, childrens centres etc. And the thought that (some) women go through this with unsupportive partners or while living in terrible conditions...

Just my view but I think a lot of pnd is actually post traumatic stress and shock at the huge responsibility of shaping a new person's physical and mental well being.

And them some days you get the impression some people think having children is a fun and self indulegent hobby.