Whats in a name

[LilBB]

Im new to feminism after stumbling across this part of the forum. I have been reading up on all things feminist. Whilst its clear that all feminists have differing views one thing I keep coming across is how taking your husbands name in marriage is frowned upon. I took my husbands name. Not because I felt I should but because I hated my maiden name. It reminded of my father who I have not spoken to in many years. I also wanted us to have a family name (tbh if I liked my maiden name I possibly would have suggested us both changing to that, although I'm unsure if a man can take his wifes name without changing it by deed poll?). I must confess I hate it when we have letters that say Mr & Mrs His Initial Our Surname. Just because we are married does not make me less important or less of a person. We are equal with our own names so why refer to us just as his? Why can't it be Mrs & Mr???

Anyway what are peoples views on this? Can a feminist take her husbands surname?

(Also if anyone could recommend a book that would give me a good overview/history of feminism I would appreciate it)

I don't know Poolet. This was 20 years ago when it was just beginning to come in, changing back to your maiden name after divorce. Recently, all the women i know who got divorced, returned to their maiden name. One friend of mine, who isn't even remotely feminist, did, so I thought maybe that was the norm now. I don't know, would be interested to.

fluffles - double-barrelling comes with its own set of problems, just because you have to choose which of your two surnames to pass down. I don't think that there's anything intrinsically wrong with children having their father's name in the same way that I think a grown woman changing her name is wrong. I plan to double-barrel my children's surnames because I think that overall it has the least drawbacks.

I've just thought of another reason "family names" are stupid. It means that if you change your name and your sister changes her name, apart from not being related to one set of grandparents ever, now you're not related to your parents or your sister! How is that anything to do with families? At least your sister is always your sister. Your husband might not always be your husband. It's like having his name tattoed on you. Yes, you could laser it off if you split up, but that will be a hassle so why not just not do such a foolish thing in the first place?

I think the thing that sticks out to me is that your surname is your formal or professional names. A lot of women nowadays keep their surname and say it's just because of their career. So I think people pushing surname-change onto women obviously believe that women can't have a meaningful professional life.

It makes sense to have either your mother's or your father's name because you actually are an extension of them. You are their offspring. But to make a woman an extension of her husband - especially in the case of addressing a couple as Mr and Mrs Hisname Surname, which is the "proper" way - is wrong and nonsensical. It's interesting how many women don't like to be referred to by their husband's first name or get offended by being asked for the "head of the household" when by changing their name they are saying that that's how they want things to be. But I guess it suits them to change the things that annoy them the most and then say people who want actual equality for women are too extreme. :/

This is something that really winds me up and I need to stop rambling now.

Don't be silly Rinabean - having a different suranme doesn't mean you are not "not realted to your sister".

I would just want to have the same name as my children and partner - the family that I created - and to be the Somethings. I want Christmas cards to be addressed to the Thingy family.

If I were having a civil partnership I would still want DW, myself, and our children to have the same name.

I feel exactly the same as Trillian on this. (Although I would quite like not to be related to my sister sometimes!)

I didn't change my name when I married. Never even considered it. I already had a perfectly good name.

I belive I have just as much right to my father's name as my brother.