What to make of this?

[TruthSweet]

Here. Apols for source

Wife says H raped her 6 times (via 999 call)
Retracts so CPS would drop charges (maintains that allegation was true)
CPS want to go ahead any way
Wife retracts completely saying she made it up
Police say they will bring charges against her for false allegations
Wife then says she told the truth the first time - he had raped her but he/his family made her recant
Wife gets jailed for 8 months

How is that justice? It does sound like a mess of a relationship/life but surely there was nothing to be gained by jailing her? And life does get messy, it's not neat and clear cut all the time.

If anything it will put wives/gfs of reporting relationship rapes as if they subsequently recant they could get jailed.

I think that the Judge was pee'd off with the to-ing and fro-ing and might well have jailed her for false retraction rather than the false allegation if it had been proved the H raped her.

I should probably explain that I don't think women lying in court is a serious concern. It might happen, but you'd have to be seriously unlucky to be wrongfully convicted in the current system.

A website is a totally different thing though, isn't it? You can say what you want and you know nobody can prove you wrong.

i think that the problem with a web site is that it would be so hard to know how truthful anyone is being.

in any situation where it is one person's word against another, it is almost impossible to ensure that there are no false accusations OR guilty people getting off free. however wrong it is that the current justice system enables rapists to escape, it does not make it right to allow another kind of crime to be more easily committed.

i also think that it is far more likely that someone would lie on a website than in rl. it is so much more anonymous & accessible, without the fear of having to face the accused. there is no accountability.

false accusation in rl are rare, but a website would be too easy - and would even make it possible for misogynists/rapists to set up fake IDs, 'name and shame' then retract, make it clear that they were lying, and thereby make it look like ALL people using that website were liers & making false accusations - it is just too open to abuse.

and sadly, there are many teens who use the word 'rapist' in the same way that they use the word 'gay' or the phrase 'your mother'. it's just a word to them, and they would write up things that weren't true 'for a joke'. having seen some of the fb updates of pupils i taught, i know that this would be something that they found really funny, or even as a way to bully someone they didn't like. (by naming them as a victim or attacker)

sorry, but as much as i hate how male aggression is 'normalised' and accepted, a website is not the way to rectify the situation.

I don't think that at all.

I think most women would not share their stories or would share stories without names, some women would name rapists and a very very small number of women would make something up. And I think the number of women who would make something up would be higher than in a situation where the facts can be checked.

I was just trying to find a way to say that I don't think the possibility of naming innocent men can be justified, then I read what I'd written and I realised it sounds stupid. It probably can be justified, I just don't like it, I like the fact that people are innocent until proven guilty, but I suppose there might be situations where it's just not fair that way? Now I don't know what I think. (I do think it's unrealistic to expect everyone to be totally honest though).

on an aside - at what age is it good to teach dd that 'no means no'. her & dh like to mess around with play fighting, but she has started running away, giggling, but saying 'no' - tonight i said that if she said no, she should say it properly, not giggling, and dh would listen. if she didn't mean 'no' then she should say something else!

she's only 7, i don't want to take away her childhood - she was giggling cos it was a fun game, not to be provocative, but i have to teach her this, don't I??

Why not teach DH that if she says no, he should stop immediately and not question whether she really means it? Surely if she learns that her "no" is respected, then she'll only use it when she means it.

I know it's just fun and messing around, but I hate the idea that she's being told that her delivery method (the giggling) means he won't listen to the word. I'm sure he knows when she's serious or not, but I think it's best to respect all "no" s all the time.

Dh did stop, but I just not comfortable with how she does it and think it not a good pattern to establish. What if other men don't show her the same respect if she giggles and says no? She won't understand.

I don't want her learning to say no but mean yes and I do want her learning that if someone ignores you then that is a danger signal that they don't respect you

I get where you're coming from. I'm saying that if he immediately stops, irrespective of how she delivers the No, then she'll learn that she should only say it if she means it.

I think the men who'll ignore a no, will ignore a no irrespective of how it's delivered, and it's our culture that analyses the tone of voice the girl used.

If 50% of rape accusations were made up it would still be less than the current rate of conviction/reporting. Would it really be worse? In my mind that's worse justice, innocent being accused rather than victims not getting justice, but that's shit isn't it?

When I was sixteen a boy I really fancied took me in a toilet pretending to shelter from the rain and made it difficult to leave unless I gave him oral sex, which I did. He was intimidating with a smile, insistent. But I couldn't say 'fuck off' which is what my 22 year old self would have done, so perhaps we start by teaching our boys to ultimately have respect and our girls that they have the right to say No and mean it. Coercive sex is not to be enjoyed....which, for some men, it doesn't seem to matter.

yes, that's the point, isn't it, that males & females need to learn the respect. not just regarding sex, but emotionally & physically too.

and that's the problem with the justice system - it doesn't respect the victims. it should be possible to look at the defendant & believe 'innocent until proven guilty' AND to look at the victim & think the same - not assume that they must be lying. we should be able to look at both victim & defendant, and hold them both credible in our minds until we know the facts. but that's not how the justice system works. however, i don't think that it would be how a 'name and shame' website works either.

so we need to teach our sons & daughters that to speak the truth when dealing with other people, not to use silly mind games & say one thing but mean another.

fwiw, i don't think this applies just to sex - i have a mil who won't tell you what she wants, but if you do something she DOESN'T want, there's crying & wailing & guilt trips galore. dh & I have a very troubled relationship with her. if she was more open & honest SHE would be happier. it seems so obvious - just don't lie & be deceitful, but it seems to be something that is vv hard for some people to learn.

I've got 3 daughters (4, 3 & 1) and DD1 does the 'no don't tickle me - why have you stopped?' thing too Tortoise. It drives me nuts and DH isn't sure what to do stop/carry on?
He's on the ASD spectrum so needs you to be very clear about yes/no - he can't do anything sexual with me if he thinks he might have even slightly persuaded me to do anything. Which is exactly how it should be quite frankly.

We've recently had a spate of child attempted abductions in our town so I've been teaching DD1 that if someone tries to get her to do something/go somewhere she doesn't want to that NOTHING is off limits - she can scream/bite/kick/punch/scratch/whatever and Mummy won't be cross. Normal rules do not apply when someone is trying to force her to do something. They are doing something wrong not her and anything she does do will be met with praise.

She has had a boy at school forcing cuddles on her and kissing her and I've told her to scream & run away and go straight to a teacher but I felt I couldn't tell to kick him .

The trouble is that it seems some boys are taught that everything is their's for the having and if they want something they should take it. It's one thing if it's sweets but another thing when they are an adolescent forcing themselves on their reluctant girl friend.

Forgot to say:-

With this case it's shown this H that not only should his wife put out/put up with rape if she does decide to involve the police SHE will be the one with the prison sentence and the criminal record.