Women who can't work because their partners earn 'too much'

[AnnieLobeseder]

This is a spin-off from the 'lucky not to have to work' thread.

There are endless discussions on childcare costs on MN, and this is a point I've argued endlessly, but I'd like to post it again here and see if I get any different responses from a more feminist viewpoint.

When I had 2 DDs under school age, I couldn't afford to work because childcare would have costed more than I earned, and because of DH's salary, our household income was too high to qualify for any sort of working tax credits or childcare help.

I am of the opinion that childcare benefits should NOT be linked to household income, but to individual income. Why should I be forced to not work simply because my partner, in theory, is able to support me? I found that very humiliating, debilitating and frustrating. I HATED being a SAHM.

Every time I ranted about this, I got two main responses:

1. Childcare costs are not just your responsibility, they're your DH's too so he should be paying, that means you can afford to work.

Um, no, if childcare outgoings due to me working are more than I bring in, we, as a family, are making a net loss, so that logic just doesn't fly. If you can afford to suck up that loss to keep your skills and work experience intact, great. We couldn't afford it.

2. You shouldn't have had children if you didn't want to pay for them. Why should we taxpayers shell out so you can work. You should be home looking after your children anyway.

Surely it would have made more financial sense for the government help with my childcare costs, even if it was just to the point of me breaking even, to enable me to be in the workplace, paying tax and contributing to the economy, rather than losing my employability at home?

Please discuss!

Of course educated parents/carers and people around them makes a difference to childrens lives.

In the first 5 years of a childs life it is the most important time period and the most important part out of that is the first 4 months. Babies have a wide range of capabilities that can be nurtured but they lose some before the age of three. The synaptic connections are pruned if not used and if they are used then they make the pathways for thought. That is why having an education is a plus if you are a parent. The first years are the most important and what happens during those years can shape a childs life and life chances forever.

I so often see the attitude that women feel they have 'wasted' their education by staying at home but nothing can be further than the truth. I dont think a lot of parents really just how important those years are and how much everyday they are putting their education and knowledge in to shaping and building the brains of the future generation. To me there is no job more important.

very well said Sunny.

I totally get your point and partly fustration, however perhaps you should just embrace the fact that you are in a a lucky enough position to be able to stay at home and bring up your children without having to worry about money.