I met an old friend and colleague and having exhausted the long list of worthy causes she is still actively involved with, she asked me what I had been up to as she never sees me at anything. When I replied that most of my time is taken up with being a Granny to 3 she was quite taken aback. I got a lecture about allowing myself to become a glorified unpaid childminder when I should be persuing my own interests and staying actively involved in political and social issues. She said that she had brought up her daughters to be independent, self sufficient women, able to stand on their own two feet and she would neither expect them to look after her as she got older nor expect to look after their children (her grandchildren). Apparently this just perpetuates the expectation that women will be 'carers'.
I found myself stammering, trying to justify my 'Granny' status, why it was necessary to enable my DDs to continue with their careers, etc. etc. but I could not put a cogent argument forward as I have never really considered this from a feminist perspective. Now I cannot stop thinking about it but am lost in a tangle of conflicting thoughts. eg:
Grandad is (almost) as heavily involved as I am in looking after the DGC.
The DGC also go to nursery, we only have them for one day a week each -so 3 days in all + the odd extra day or evening.
We were asked if we wanted to do this but not pressured into it.
It was easy to say yes for DGC1 but then impossible to say no to DGC2 & 3.
I always wanted to travel and see more of the world when I retired but DH is not keen anyway and says we cannot go because we have 'responsibilities'.
If we did go away I would miss the DGC.
I do feel that I have been 'caring' for most of my life between children, wrinklies and at work - have never been in a position to make choices to suit only me.
I wonder if the above is just an excuse for my failure to 'be all I could be'.
Sorry, this is heavy stuff for a Saturday night but can anyone help me sort out my confused thoughts?