So upset after GP

[Enterusername111333]

I wanted to share a recent experience in case anyone else has been through something similar.

I’m 42 and have been dealing with extremely heavy, painful periods for over two years. A scan a while back showed fibroids, and I was fitted with a coil, which helped a little with frequency but not with the heaviness or pain. I’m also on iron tablets.

This week things got worse. I started passing very large clots — they were literally pulling and plopping into the toilet. I felt scared and unsure what to do, so I called 111, who advised me to contact my GP.

I got an appointment, but it left me in tears. I was clearly distressed, crying and asking for help, but the doctor just smiled and smirked throughout — not in a comforting way, but in a way that made me feel laughed at. At one point she said, “You’re making me uncomfortable.” She also randomly asked, “Are you worried this might be cancer?” — a comment that’s stuck with me and honestly left me reeling. Up until then, I hadn’t been worried about that, and she didn’t explain why she brought it up.

She kept repeating questions and confusing me about medications — saying tranexamic acid and norethisterone were “the same” (I’ve taken both and know they’re not). It felt like she was trying to trip me up. I had to push to even get my temperature and blood pressure taken.

She eventually agreed to a referral, but said it could take up to two years. After I left the appointment in tears, she later called me to book bloods for iron levels — which just added to the confusion given how dismissive she’d been earlier.

Honestly, I left feeling completely fobbed off and like I was being gaslit. I wasn’t aggressive, just clearly upset and in pain — but was made to feel like a problem rather than a person. If I were bleeding this much from anywhere else, I think the response would be very different.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? How did you push for better care? I’m exhausted, physically and emotionally.

I’ve had a similar fobbing off experience with my Gp but was referred and after an 11 month wait and managing my condition the best I can with no help today I had my consultant appointment and it was amazing. Surgery booked for in two weeks time. I felt heard. I was offered a range of options and was allowed to choose what I thought was best for me. Hang on In there

She said you're making her uncomfortable? Wow. Do you remember what had just happened?

She clearly wasn't reassuring or kind towards you. It sounds like she didn't understand why you were so upset, which is why she asked about cancer being a worry. What is it that you're worried about OP?

You did nothing wrong and you were treated poorly, I'm sorry x

I just know this isn't normal and it's so debilitating I'm floored for 6 days a month. I've been back and forward so much I'm just feeling desperate.

Oh, that is really rubbish, I'm so sorry. An email to the practice manager sounds very appropriate, but more importantly maybe seeing a different GP would help. Even if Nasty GP has done the referral, you've probably got outstanding questions that they can help you with.

Medical gaslighting is very real.

Can I ask what options you are given and what op? I left the coil to work for 9 months (still in) to see how it would help but it hasn't apart from increasing the gap between periods by about a week. Got another scan at the end of the month.

Can you see another gp? She sounds very out of touch and has a terrible bedside manner.
Ive had similar issues and eventually went private

I had this experience with an orthopaedic specialist who also missed something serious because she was being so sarcastic.
I put in a formal complaint, that wiped the smug smile off her face. She had to send me an apology.
I'm sick of the attitude quite honestly.

Why did she feel uncomfortable? Was it because you were crying?

@Enterusername111333 I am a GP, firstly I want to say I’m really sorry this happened to you and you were left feeling so upset and dismissed by this appointment.

I’m wondering if it was definitely a GP you saw? Or could it have been a physicians associate or similar perhaps? As I would like to think no fully trained GP would try to imply that tranexamic acid and norethisterone are the same thing (obviously they’re not). That sounds very odd to me.

If not a PA or another allied clinician (though I think most nurse associates and paramedic practitioners etc would also know better TBH), then could it have been a GP in training eg a GP registrar or even someone at a lower level of post-grad GP training? As plausibly they might also not know this yet.

Without wanting to be accused of further medical gaslighting, knowing how it all works behind the scenes, the scenario you are describing definitely sounds to me more like the actions of a clinician who is out of their depth and/or overwhelmed somehow by your consultation with her. Rather than one who is laughing at you and deliberately trying to be nasty or trip you up or fob you off. Contacting you afterwards to ask you to book a blood test is quite suggestive of this to me, she is still thinking about your case after you are out of their door and not wanting to make mistakes/let you down (so not the actions of someone with those motivations). And when I have been overwhelmed in the past I will sometimes have to follow up like this with something that should have been obvious to me at the time and is important but in the heat of the moment I didn’t think of. It’s very rare that I have to do this nowdays but I did it a lot in my last year of GP training as a GP registrar because a lot of stuff you’re encountering for the first time.

Some people’s reaction to feeling overwhelmed or out of their depth is a nervous smile. Could that have been what was happening there? And asking you if you thought this was cancer sounds like she was trying to ascertain any underlying concerns, this is a fairly standard expectation of us in a consultation. It can be a very useful question when someone IS secretly terrified they have cancer but not wanting to say it outright (not unusual), and until you address that elephant in the room the consultation will not resolve well. However it sounds like she lacked finesse in how she asked you about this, leaving you confused and worried.

The “you’re making me uncomfortable” comment is a bit more odd/unusual perhaps. What was happening in that moment? I would very rarely say this in a consultation (and a trainee would be less likely to have the relevant experience to know when to use this rather confrontational phrase though the younger generation are much better at being assertive and boundaried at an early stage, perhaps too much at times), but I might if someone is being very aggressive, including verbally aggressive, coming across as deliberately manipulative, or pulling their chair up to get right in my personal space or being overly flirty or touchy-feely in any way (including one patient who pinched my leg hard to “demonstrate the type of leg pain she was feeling” for example… not ok at all, and even though sometimes these things happen as a direct result of ill-health or upset or anger at a situation, people still need to be told when their behaviour is crossing a line sometimes!).

At the end of the day we are human beings too and it can be genuinely hard to focus properly on trying to help with a medical issue if someone is eg. screaming at you, threatening you or even just sobbing their heart out, clutching at you, and begging you to “do something right now!” etc. Especially when that’s happening at 10 minute intervals all day. And it’s a 2 year wait for gynae! I’m not saying you did any of that by the way, and I know you said you weren’t aggressive (though in their distress sometimes people don’t realise when they have crossed the line to being aggressive, and some clinicians are particularly sensitive to it too - this is true for me as I have previously been a victim of domestic abuse so my cortisol spikes very early on in any confrontation). But just giving some examples of times when I have felt overwhelmed and used phrases like “you’re making me uncomfortable” and needed to follow up with a patient afterwards as I couldn’t think clearly during the consultation. It can literally just be being distracted by the high emotion when someone is particularly distressed - many of us go into this profession because we are empathetic people to begin with and so a very upset patient can easily make us feel upset as well, which interferes with the kind of cool headed logical thinking needed to get to grips with people’s medical issues at times.

Anyway, I hope you don’t mind my posting and giving my take on what’s gone wrong here, it’s just another perspective from the other side of the consulting table.

Is it a mirena coil you have? I hope not a copper coil as that would generally make heavy bleeding worse! I definitely agree you need to see gynae to explore surgical type options for the fibroids from the sound of it. Two years sounds very long to see gynae, I’d say it would be about 9 months where I am for routine stuff, maybe 3-4 months for urgent non-cancer issues. Are you in N Ireland or something (where they do have absolutely crazy wait lists)?

Options might be removing the fibroids, having a hysterectomy, embolisation or endometrial ablation by the way.

I’m so sorry. I’d make a formal complaint to the surgery. Then seek a second opinion. She sounds shit.

I agree about a formal complaint. What was happening to make her feel uncomfortable,that's very odd?

@Britneyfani was referred to gynae and from referral to actual treatment, it was exactly 2 years and that was with a&e admissions, being pushed up the list, asking to take a cancellation etc
I ended up having an 8.5hr endo excision

Definitely report to practice manager and cc in pals email too. Save any chasing later. I hate how "womens problems" are so overlooked. Ive taught my 16 year old DD to push if issues occur. We need to sadly.

I was really crying, I think that's what made her uncomfortable

She is a GP and when I looked at the practice website she's on a 5 year placement not sure what that means

How ridiculous,her not you.

I think you need to see someone else.

Are you totally sure she is a GP? Because being in a “5 year placement” honestly makes it sound like she is a medical student and not even a doctor yet, let alone a fully qualified GP, which would make a lot of sense. We don’t have “placements” as GPs, unless we are coming back into the system after working abroad for a long time and even then it’s not 5 years…but a medical degree is 5 years. Does she have any letters after her name? If she is a doctor she should have MBBS or MBChB, and if she is a GP in the UK she will most likely also have MRCGP.

Yes, unfortunately I can totally believe it might be 2 years from referral to actual treatment. The NHS is in an awful state postpandemic (I had to have surgery myself not too long ago and ended up waiting 8 months for what was listed as urgent to be done within 2-3 weeks), but not usually to the first consultation which is what I think OP is talking about. It is rubbish that gynae issues wait so long, I do agree that perimenopausal type problems with heavy bleeding wait way too long for gynae, especially when they’re at the point that there is nothing further that can be done for them by me and they really need some sort of surgical procedure. I have had some patients who have repeatedly ended up in A and E needing blood transfusions or at least iron infusions and I feel so sorry for them struggling on at work etc while coping with that level of bleeding and anaemia.

She does sound out of her depth! You poor thing. I had similar issues to you in my late 40s and also had anaemia on top of that as well. My male GP sent me to the hospital to get an iron infusion and then he referred me to get further investigations done with a specialist in gynaecology and also to the oncology department at the local hospital to rule everything out. I really felt my GP cared and was onto it.

I’d definitely write to the practice manager and say you weren’t satisfied with how your condition had been managed and that your quality of life with heavy bleeding is difficult and not appropriate for a 2 year wait.

I can easily believe it’s gone up now - my dentist has told me 3 years for a wisdom tooth removal! Gynae is a state at the minute and so is dermatology

Put in a letter of complaint to the practice manager.

I would seriously consider going private and see a gynae for an initial consultation.

even more appaling when that doctor took specific oath related to ethos and respect

speak to practice manager OP (as others mentioned). If you feel pain it needs to be dealt with

It’s absolutely crap. I was seeing gynaes at the hospital and they were still poor. Fybroids, prolapses, heavy periods with barely a break between. I had the coil and bled more lightly but continuously without a break for months until I went to get it removed and they said it was already practically fallen out.

The last visit, the doctor discussed fitting a donut ring and went on about my need to lose weight which apparently would solve everything, until I cried. She looked surprised.

I’m so pleased to be past it all now. Had a prolapse repair privately, which was very helpful.

By the way, if you get the coil removed it can give you a very heavy bleed. Very heavy.