I'm so down right now, please help me find a book to read

[adaptiveness]

I'm not going into the details, but I'm not in a good place right now and I badly need a good book.

I have 5 mins to write this, so am going to be really unreasonable and just list the stuff that I can't deal with reading about right now.

No sex, suicide, romance, bad stuff happening to kids, sad endings, books that will make me think about the fucked up state of the world. No kooky, random, wet, indecisive protagonists. No 'hilarious' bad parenting.

Any genre fine: fiction, literature, sci-fi, fantasy, non-fiction, historical, comedy, biography, sport. Whatever. I just need to disappear into a good book.

Please help!

Yes to Jilly Cooper (if you like horses and a bonk buster!) also Adrian Mole, James Herriot and My Family and other Animals (both the Gerald Durrell books snd the lovely Claire Balding autobiography).

I hope you feel better soon

@lazylinguist

The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss. Long, adventurous fantasy book, and my favourite book in the world! It has a sequel (A Wise Man's Fear) and will eventually have a (long-awaited) third and final book. It's not totally without romance, but it's not mournful, maudlin or soppy at all.

This with bells on!

I'm not particularly into fantasy but these two books are just bloody incredible. Planning on reading them again shortly!

The Caliph's House.

Harry Potter is also always a safe go-to. I've read them all about 15 million times now but they're just bloody great at getting stuck into and letting real life melt away for a while!

Jeeves and Wooster are your friends here.

Lark Rise to Candleford

Diary of a Provincial Lady. Laughed at nearly every paragraph. 90 years old but the the humour and observations are completely contemporary.

Hope you’re ok OP.

Crooked Heart and V for Victory by Lissa Evans. Set in world war 2 but that's
Not the focus-great characters that stay with you afterwards. Well written.

I know why the crawdad sings

@doubleshotcappuccino
I think you've combined two books there 

There's sex in The Midnight Library iirc
Richard Osmans Thursday Murder Club

Mudlarking by Lara Maiklem - non fiction, social history in London linked to areas of the river Thames and the objects she’s found mudlarking on the foreshore. Interesting and gentle.
Also agree with suggestions of Bill Bryson and Terry Pratchett.
I hope things improve for you soon.

@doubleshotcappuccino

I know why the crawdad sings

Both 'Where the Crawdads Sing' and 'I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings' feature sexual violence and bad things happening to children. They're both completely not what the OP asked for!

The Wind in the Willows

OP, I hope you're feeling better and have chosen a book from the suggestions to read, please pop back on and let us know you're ok

I second Old Baggage by Lissa Evans - the protagonist is a former Suffragette, and the story follows what she does once the right for women to vote has been won.

I really love this book, and the characters.

My comfort reads include many previously mentioned, and also:
Anything by DE Stevenson (OK, they all have a bit of romance but nothing gruelling)
The Pursuit of Love/Love in a Cold Climate by Nancy Mitford
John Buchan: The 39 Steps, etc (though be prepared for outdated views and language)
Kim by Rudyard Kipling, ditto
Wives and Daughters by Elizabeth Gaskell

@NuffSaidSam

'Elinor Oliphant is completely fine'

That features romance, suicide and dreadful things happening to children!

I came on to say Bill Bryson. Any of his travel books would fit the bill I think.

Yep was going to say whilst it's one of my favourites it is not what you're after

So sorry to hear you’re feeling so down OP.

My favourites have mostly been mentioned - any of their books you are in safe hands and it’s certainly what I turn to when I need a smile:

• Bill Bryson
• Terry Pratchett

Also consider getting into an epic series where you can lose yourself. There are some slightly unsettling bits but nothing too horrible from what I can remember in the Robin Hobbs Farseer / Liveship series - I read them during a stressful and emotional time in my life and remember it was total escapism! Start with Assassin’s Apprentice.

Ooh also on the murder mystery front - anything by Anthony Horowitz is good! He created Foyles War and wrote a lot of Midsomer Murders so it’s all quite gentle and Agatha Christie like!

West With Giraffes

Get yourself stuck into some hard science fiction, no love, romance, children or anything about the current state of the world. Pure escapism, and wonder about the Universe, it makes you feel insignificant in a good way.

Try Alistair Reynold's Revelation Space series or Steven Baxter's Xylee books. They'll keep you going for ages.

Hope you're feeling better soon.

Thanks everyone! I have a long list of books to try out now. I'll keep trying different ones until a book just clicks.

I agree with previous recommendations for any Agatha Christie and also Anthony Horowitz Magpie Murders in similar cosy murder style

As well as books, can I recommend Cabin Pressure, the BBC radio comedy? There is something about it that helps lots of people through hard times.

I think the first two series are on Spotify now.