Cheer us all up - your favourite funny scene(s) in literature

[StiffyByng]

Mine is Gussy Fink-Nottle giving out school prizes in Right-Ho, Jeeves.

If you recollect, sir, he had already proclaimed himself suspicious of Master Simmons's bona fides, and he now proceeded to deliver a violent verbal attack upon the young gentleman, asserting that it was impossible for him to have won the Scripture-knowledge prize without systematic cheating on an impressive scale. He went so far as to suggest that Master Simmons was well known to the police.

Can't think of one right now but just wanted to say excellent username.

Hard to pick favourite scenes from William, but here he is taking an intelligent interest in Shakespeare with a hapless substitute teacher

How could that other man Ham…”
“I said Bacon.”
“Well, it’s nearly the same,” said William. “Well, how could this man Bacon write them if Shakespeare wrote them?”
“Ah, but you see I don’t believe that Shakespeare did write them,” said Mr Welbecker mysteriously.
“Well, why’s he got his name printed on all the books then?” said William. “An’ if this other man Eggs…”
“I said Bacon,” snapped Mr Welbecker again. “I want first to tell you the story of the play of which you are all going to act a scene,” he said. “There was a man called Hamlet…”
“You just said he was called Bacon,” said William.
“I did not say he was called Bacon,” snapped Mr Welbecker.
“Yes, ‘scuse me, you did,” said William politely.
“Listen! This man was called Hamlet and his uncle had killed his father because he wanted to marry his mother.”
“What did he want to marry his mother for?” said William. “I’ve never heard of anyone wanting to marry their mother.”
“It was Hamlet’s mother he wanted to marry.”
“Oh, that man that you think wrote the play ...

(William the Pirate)

That’s superb! Thank you.

@JaninaDuszejko thank you. It hadn’t actually occurred to me there was any connection. My usernames always tend to the Wodehouse.

Half Blood Prince- the muggle Prime Minister chapter.

Eleanor Oliphant getting her hollywood wax

Dorothy Sayers, Strong Poison - Miss Climpson's seances and her letters reporting back to Peter Wimsey. They have great funny patches, those books:

In a single moment of illumination, Miss Climpson saw her plan complete and perfect in every detail. It involved a course of deception from which her conscience shrank appalled, but it was certain. She wrestled with the demon. Even in a righteous cause, could anything so wicked be justified?
She breathed what she thought was a prayer for guidance, but the only answer was a small whisper in her ear, "Oh, jolly good work, Miss Climpson!" and the voice was the voice of Peter Wimsey.

Not sure why it’s stuck with me but tickled me so much at the time
Where D”you go Bernadette when the “other woman” is typing a letter from a keyboard that has I think the B and the Ps muddled up.

My favourite scene from The Card by Arnold Bennett.
Ruth and Denry are an engaged couple, she is a bit of a con artist and spends loads of his money on holiday.

Mixed up with papers and sixpenny novels on the bookstall were a number of souvenirs of Llandudno—paper-knives, pens, paper-weights, watch-cases, pen-cases, all in light wood or glass, and ornamented with coloured views of Llandudno, and also the word "Llandudno" in large German capitals, so that mistakes might not arise. Ruth remembered that she had even intended to buy a crystal paper-weight with a view of the Great Orme at the bottom. The bookstall clerk had several crystal paper-weights with views of the pier, the Hotel Majestic, the Esplanade, the Happy Valley, but none with a
view of the Great Orme. He had also paper-knives and watch-cases with a view of the Great Orme. But Ruth wanted a combination of paper-weight and Great Orme, and nothing else would satisfy her. She was like that. The clerk admitted that such a combination existed, but he was sold "out of it." "Couldn't you get one and send it to me?" said Ruth. And Denry saw anew that she was incurable. "Oh yes, miss," said the clerk. "Certainly, miss. To-morrow at latest." And he pulled out a book. "What name?" Ruth looked at Denry, as women do look on such occasions. "Rothschild," said Denry.
It may seem perhaps strange that that single word ended their engagement. But it did. She could not tolerate a rebuke. She walked away, flushing. The bookstall clerk received no order. Several persons in the vicinity dimly perceived that a domestic scene had occurred, in a flash, under their noses, on a platform of a railway station. Nellie was speedily aware that something very serious had happened, for the train took them off without Ruth speaking a syllable to Denry, though Denry raised his hat and was almost effusive. The next afternoon Denry received by post a ring in a box. "I will not submit to insult," ran the brief letter.
"I only said 'Rothschild'! "Denry murmured to himself. "Can't a fellow say 'Rothschild'?" But secretly he was proud of himself.

Thank you @Fyredraca - just bought The Card cheap on Kindle.

I won't spam the thread with William quotes, but a heroic blogger has done a summary review with short quotes for every story - so handy for tracking down favourites. He reminded me that his favourite is one of mine too: William does sound effects for terribly intense amateur drama in William the Good:

“List,” said the heroine, “how the thunder rages in the valley.”
The thunder raged and continued to rage. For some minutes the cast remained silent and motionless – except for facial contortions expressive of horror and despair – waiting for the thunder to abate, but as it showed no signs of stopping they tried to proceed. It was, however, raging so violently that no one could hear a word, so they had to stop again. At last even its maker tired of it and it died away. The play proceeded. Behind the scenes William smiled again to himself. That had been a jolly good bit of thunder. He’d really enjoyed that.”

All indexed at justwilliamsyear.co.uk/bibliography

@YesToThis oh I hope you like it, it's one of my all time favourites. Strange that nowadays the author is little known.

@Fyredraca I had better wait for the weekend - can't put a good book down on first reading. I was sold by "Llandudno" in large German capitals, so that mistakes might not arise

Love love love finding a new author ...

These are all superb. Thank you! I love the way they rely so heavily on turn of phrase for their humour.

Anna of the Five Towns was also very good, though it's not a humorous story.
Let me know what you think of the Card, hardly anyone I know has read it. It's marvellous!

@StiffyByng

These are all superb. Thank you! I love the way they rely so heavily on turn of phrase for their humour.

Thanks for the thread - it was a great idea.

Someone on the other thread said Three Men on the Bummel was even better than Three Men on a Boat. I like the narrator playing golf ... (courtesy of Project Gutenberg).

"To escape from this train of reflection, I put a golf-ball in my pocket, and selecting a driver, strolled out into the paddock. A couple of sheep were browsing there, and they followed and took a keen interest in my practice. The one was a kindly, sympathetic old party. I do not think she understood the game; I think it was my doing this innocent thing so early in the morning that appealed to her. At every stroke I made she bleated:

“Go-o-o-d, go-o-o-d ind-e-e-d!”

She seemed as pleased as if she had done it herself.

As for the other one, she was a cantankerous, disagreeable old thing, as discouraging to me as her friend was helpful.

“Ba-a-ad, da-a-a-m ba-a-a-d!” was her comment on almost every stroke. As a matter of fact, some were really excellent strokes; but she did it just to be contradictory, and for the sake of irritating. I could see that.

By a most regrettable accident, one of my swiftest balls struck the good sheep on the nose. And at that the bad sheep laughed—laughed distinctly and undoubtedly, a husky, vulgar laugh; and, while her friend stood glued to the ground, too astonished to move, she changed her note for the first time and bleated:

“Go-o-o-d, ve-e-ry go-o-o-d! Be-e-e-est sho-o-o-ot he-e-e’s ma-a-a-de!”

I would have given half-a-crown if it had been she I had hit instead of the other one. It is ever the good and amiable who suffer in this world."

Anthony Trollope is often very funny. My favourite line is in The Last Chronicle of Barset when Mr Crawley says "Peace Woman!" to Mrs Proudie and Bishop Proudie ":leaps to hear the wife of his bosom thus addressed"

My favourite line in Wodehose is "that time in my life when aunt called to aunt like mastadons across a primeaval swamp"

Mapp and Lucia also funny. When Lucia, who was supposed to play Queen Elizabeth in the fete but couldn't because of her husband's death and her friend offers her the role of Raleigh's wife instead. Georgie says "Raleigh's wife! You might as well have offered her "confused noise without"" And Georgie polishing his bibolots - what a rush it all is.

great thread.

Jane and Prudence (Barbara Pym) has lots of amusing passages. I like:
Fabian often imagined a tablet to himself put up in the church, though he never stopped to consider who should put it up or why.

My favourite line in Wodehose is "that time in my life when aunt called to aunt like mastadons across a primeaval swamp
I also like:
She fitted into my biggest arm-chair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were wearing arm-chairs tight about the hips that season.

Author? Author? Did you write these legs?''Yes."'Well, I don't like dem. I don't like 'em at all at all. I could ha' writted better legs meself. Spike Milligan - Puckoon.

There’s a bit in ‘my family and other animals’ where he describes his sister coming out of the sea in a knitted bathing suit with the dog attacking her that made me laugh and laugh. I was still at school when I read it. Just hilarious.

I love Wodehouse's Psmith. More even than Jeeves. Why oh why did he disappear from Blandings.

Introducing himself

I am Psmith," said the old Etonian reverently. "There is a preliminary P before the name. This, however, is silent. Like the tomb. Compare such words as ptarmigan, psalm, and phthisis.

Jollying Mike along

Mike nodded. A sombre nod. The nod Napoleon might have given if somebody had met him in 1812 and said, "So, you're back from Moscow, eh?"

(Mike and Psmith)

Dabbling in gainful employment

Work,' said Psmith, with simple dignity. 'I am now a member of the staff of this bank. Its interests are my interests. Psmith, the individual, ceases to exist, and there springs into being Psmith, the cog in the wheel of the New Asiatic Bank; Psmith, the link in the bank's chain; Psmith, the Worker. I shall not spare myself,' he proceeded earnestly. 'I shall toil with all the accumulated energy of one who, up till now, has only known what work is like from hearsay. Whose is that form sitting on the steps of the bank in the morning, waiting eagerly for the place to open? It is the form of Psmith, the Worker. Whose is that haggard, drawn face which bends over a ledger long after the other toilers have sped blithely westwards to dine at Lyons' Popular Cafe? It is the face of Psmith, the Worker'

(Psmith in the City)

and pinching umbrellas

Merely practical Socialism. Other people are content to talk about the Redistribution of Property. I go out and do it.

(Leave it to Psmith)

The cricket match in the Pickwick Papers. Really silly.

Ah, Psmith. My first ever crush, and still, I fear, my ideal man. It was the thrill of my life to play an aunt in the play of Leave It To Psmith in my student days.

Giggling away here at this thread. Thank you.

My Family and Other Animals was very well read here too. The dry descriptions of all his siblings are glorious.

I am determined now to read those books on here that are new to me. As I spent every childhood holiday in Llandudno I’m partly excited by the Arnold Bennett.

When Pooter paints his friends walking stick in Diary of a Nobody and the friend discovers it .

Weirdly I read Diary of a Nobody for the first time on holiday in Llandudno. One always makes me think of the other.