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Fiction cliches you hate

337 replies

SPBInDisguise · 30/12/2012 00:11

I read mostly crime and thriller.
Can't bear books that take the first hundred pages to describe the landscape. Thick frost, frozen lake, snowy trees, onto the action please.
Detectives that drink lots of coffee and work all night but somehow seem to actually work very little

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HaleAndHeartyYuletideAges · 31/12/2012 01:25

Oh God, I just remembered being completely sold on the 'feisty jaw jut' when a teenager and practicing it while being flirty with a lad I liked.

He eventually said 'will you stop doing that with your face, you look weird.'

Reader, I did not date marry him.

Themilkybarisonme · 31/12/2012 01:29

Haha @ "will you stop doing that with your face". Harsh but fair.

HaleAndHeartyYuletideAges · 31/12/2012 01:34

Agreed. I thought I looked feisty. I actually looked like a twat Bruce Forsyth.

LilyVonSchtupp · 31/12/2012 01:56

Female detective cliches US style,
Addicted to junk food and spend half the novel talking about the food they are eating even though it's usually McDs, hotdogs, donuts, coffee, grandmas pineapple upside down cake and therefore hardly the stuff of Nigel Slater's dreams.

Yet slim, athletic and hot to trot.

Despite wearing clothes along the lines of "turtlenecks", "my one good skirt" or "sweatpants and a scrunchy"

Big hair.

Lives alone, with an eccentric animal.

Torn between two men, one's a hurt but rugged cop with Mother Issues and a needy ex wife, the other is a mysterious criminal with dark but not too dark skin. Both are HOT!

No female friends. Unless they are hugely overweight / unattractive and Sassy! With a capital S.

Often has to pretend to be a prostitute to secure information. Or visit an Irish bar where her good looks and streetwise mien will elicit a hint or two from the twinkly barkeep.

Occasionally drinks a Chardonnay. Or a Miller Light if in the Irish bar. For show.

Hates smoking. Loves animals. And jogging. And old people. There must be a wise yet crazy oldster.

See Stephanie Plum, Kinsey Millhone, Temperance Brennan, Carlotta Carlyle etc.

SPBInDisguise · 31/12/2012 07:22

the jimmy hill impression and "stop doing that thing with your face" have me in tears

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Tanith · 31/12/2012 11:16

I hate women being called girls. Especially when the male of the same age, and often younger, is a man.

Terry Brooks: I'm looking at you with your "valegirl" and "valeman"!

Mu1berryBush · 31/12/2012 11:17

I hate in American books the british have terrible teeth chesnut. ofgs. People who can afford braces for their children make sure they get them and people who can't afford them don't. Same both sides of the atlantic. 80 million americans can't afford healthcare.

also hate the drunken irish. irish drink about the same per head as any other northern european nation.

lazy non thinking, and worse, it's just so BORING to read.

StairsInTheNight · 31/12/2012 11:40

I offer you 'peat soft Oirish brogue that has all women on their backs'

Salmotrutta · 31/12/2012 11:44

Just for something to fill a grey Hogmanay ...

Page 7 of Penny Vincenzi's "Absolute Scandal":

"... Tried to see herself through HIS eyes: long-ish full-ish skirt (Laura Ashley), blue shirt with turned up collar (Thomas Pink), and her twenty-first-birthday pearls, of course; blah bla blah"

Hmm
Salmotrutta · 31/12/2012 11:47

So yes, never mind a plot eh?

Just chuck in something that reads like a page out of a fashion mag.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 31/12/2012 11:50

True, Shakespeare's plots were pretty much all based on existing stories - the Roman stuff was cribbed from a Roman playwright (whose name I have forgotten as it's 30 years since I studied him) and a lot of the others on what was regarded as true history in his time (the Henry plays, RIchard III etc).

But a lot of writers take an old plot and redo it. West Side Story is Romeo and Juliet. Etc.

garlicbaubles · 31/12/2012 11:51

Bookmarking this thread to enjoy later! Agree with nearly everybody so far, and awestruck by witty erudition Xmas Smile

LRDtheFeministDude · 31/12/2012 12:53

bessie - Rowling does a lot of that 's/he said, simply' bollocks, doesn't he? I've noticed if a character is good and pure of heart, they're allowed to speak 'simply'. It takes real evil to be a bit complicated. Hmm

SGB - lots of it is Plutarch. We had to do it for Antony and Cleopatra for A level.

I agree there's redoing an old plot, which lots of people do, and there's cliche. I reckon cliche is different because it makes you groan when you see it, whereas some people get away with an old plot because you're interested to see how it happens, even if you know what happens.

I find the 'action heroine in a corset/heels' thing annoying. I can run in heels but it's not something anyone chooses to do, and there is a limit to how althetic anyone can be in a corset! (This is why I like the bit in Brave where it actually shows she can't pull her arm back to draw her bow wearing her restrictive dress).

Ephiny · 31/12/2012 13:07

Tbh I think 'said + adverb' should be avoided unless absolutely necessary. Especially when they're cliches like 'simply' or just redundant. I see some that are bordering on Swifties and they always make me giggle.

Bessie123 · 31/12/2012 13:33

I have never read Rowling. I shan't bother now, it sounds like I would find it annoying (thanks for the tip) I usually let 1 instance of saying things simply pass but more than one and the author is on my naughty list.

I did actually read an author with pretty much no annoying habits. She is called Mari Strachan but unfortunately she has only written 2 books.

LadyBeagleBaublesandBells · 31/12/2012 13:39

Jilly Cooper repeats everything in her books.
Everybody always "screams with laughter", she's the one with the fat woman getting slim through a broken heart, (in every book) and her descriptions of characters are all the same.
I loved her first few books but they never change.

HoratiaWinwood · 31/12/2012 13:52

yy LadyBeagle and "fat" means 11st or more, even if she is 5'9" Hmm

StairsInTheNight · 31/12/2012 13:53

YY to Jilly repeating. There's often a scene where the dark, rugged DP/DH comes with a face like thunder so everyone knows its the worst news, then he breaks into a wicked smile and says 'It's ok my darlings etc etc.'

SPBInDisguise · 31/12/2012 14:00

Horatia at just under 5'9 and just over 11st you have made my day :o (since you feel it is ridiculous to describe someone that way)

I've just read an awful book. Was very entertaining but basically about a man who shags around, cheats on his wife, treats the women he's sleeping with really badly, then has a bad dream about what a shit he's been and leaves his wife for the woman who's pregnant with his child. While they're having their lovey dovey conversation he basically ssays that if his wife forgave him he'd be off back to her like a shot and then they clasp hands and gaze into each others eyes.
I don't think it was ironic.

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Salmotrutta · 31/12/2012 14:01

And laughter does not " bubble up" .

If it did that you'd either be salivating or vomiting whilst laughing Hmm

garlicbaubles · 31/12/2012 14:04

LRD and complexnumber -
As soon as I read blackberry's post I thought, "I've read that Marian Keyes book", as well! It is This Charming Man, which I actually thought was a satire until I realised it isn't.

NotAChocolateRaisin · 31/12/2012 14:05

Really long "misunderstandings" between characters which normally take up the majority of the book and usually result in them sleeping with another person who is portrayed as "bad" without really any good call. Then the enviable discovery of the truth, usually through a friend or relative, and this kiss and make up with absolutely no consequences regarding the behaviour during the "misunderstanding".

Ie. the plot of most chic-lit

NotAChocolateRaisin · 31/12/2012 14:08

Oh!
And the baddie catching the hero/ine and explaining their whole plan to them before leaving them to be killed in an empty room or a useless third party.

NotAChocolateRaisin · 31/12/2012 14:08

*by a useless third party Blush

LRDtheFeministDude · 31/12/2012 14:09

Ahhhh, thanks garlic. That genuinely is one I've not read. I thought it sounded vaguely like Watermelon, which I read and loved for its piss-taking of all the daft chick-lit cliches.

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