I have just read possibly the worst book in the world

[Mrsrobertduvall]

A Cold Season by Alison Littlewood.
Disclaimer...I bought it in Smith's on a buy one get one half price, and grabbed it as the cover looked good.
It's about a mother and son marooned in a small Lancashire village with unfriendly locals...a bit Wicker Man-ish. And of course there are witch/devil undertones.
It is utter tripe.
It is now in the charity shop for some poor sod to buy.

I quite like Martina Cole, they're usually quite mucky :)

I HATE all those ones set in Dublin, that include lots of words like dote. Usually involve female Irish, twenty something multimillionaire neighbours. How many of them are there, actually, in real life.

Hello Herrena!!!

I think what annoyed me about it was that the author went down various routes that could have been interesting (her personal trainer being concerned she had anorexia, the love interest that slept with his boss) but never took it further. just felt it was superficial!

i hated Far from the Madding Crowd - predictable tosh

Rockinina - Loved Jackson Brodie (especially now I have Jeremy Isaacs firmly implanted in my brain - he's really rather lovely in the role)

But...Totally with you on Lionel Shriver. Did you read that eyegougingly bad tennis book that had two of the most dislikable hero/heroines in the entire world? I just kept thinking it had to get better. It didn't.

And am I the only one who thought Heathcliffe from Wuthering Heights was just a bit of a primadonna tosser who needed a bit of a slap? He reminded me of a giant 12 year old boy confused about his hormones.

100 Years of Solitude is a larf-fest compared to some Garcia Marquez. I can sincerely recommend not reading 'No-one Writes to the Colonel' - if someone had written to him, Marquez could at least have printed their letters in his book and this could not have failed to make it more interesting. In fact the best thing that could have happened to the Colonel is The Old Man (from the Old Man and the Sea) could have invited him on the boat and they could have bored the shite out of each other instead of their readers.

I actually didn't hate Digital Fortress although it was deeply silly. As a techie you get used to reading books which have cringeworthy 'faux-technical' dialogue in them, a bit like the esoteric jargon in Star Trek only worse because it's actually meant to sound real. Digital Fortress wasn't the worst sinner in this category, not by a long shot.

I am finding this thread very therapeutic.

I also thought One Day was quite 'meh'. I like David Nicholls, loved Starter for Ten, but my mind boggles at how successful One Day has been for a fairly average romance with a faintly unusual gimmick.

everybodyssleepyeyed - oh it was RIDICULOUSLY superficial. Mind you I was 17, so so was I!!

I've just googled the author (Jane Green) and she also wrote Babyville, which I'm ashamed to say I did read while pregnant and again recently. It actually made some good points which I didn't register until after I'd had my DS - the fact that new mums get lonely and obsess over random crap was a key one for me. Maybe her books are good if you're at exactly the right life stage for them and utterly dire otherwse!!

I dimly remember Far from the Madding Crowd - wasn't there a character who was called Cain because his mum hadn't attended church regularly and got a bit confused as to which was the 'good' one?!

And 1950shousewife - I could not STAND Cathy, she's a self-absorbed princess. She and Heathcliff deserve each other!!

Jason Isaacs, Jason, not Jeremy

I also love Kate Atkinson with a slavish adoration and Jackson Brodie is included in that crush.

The Other Half Lives

Utter, utter shite

That's the chap CJ. Even as I typed it I was thinking...hmm...not right...perhaps they've all been at the Chablis enough to not notice .

Herena - Oh you are so right about Cathy. Self absorbed twot.

Oh, yes, probably the most rubbish book I read was actually self-published by a FOAF. It's awful, because when you see them again you're just praying "please please don't ask me what I thought of your book, because I'm a rubbish liar"
I think he could read it in my face, sadly.

Lucy Mangan put the boot into Wuthering Heights in the Guardian a couple of days ago - it was highly satisfying, since I did it for both O and A level, and even as a fourteen year old realised that it was bollocks.

Ah yes! When Will There Be Good News?, by Kate Atkinson*. It took a long time to get over how shite that was. Was especially disappointing as I remember liking Behind the Scenes at the Museum.

• Answer: Never

Kazuo Ishiguro's 'The Unconsoled' - I think the point is that the main character is unconsoled/never gets to where he intends ... but I gave up after the first 400 odd pages.
Kate Mosse - Labyrinth is utterly appalling (how comes she sits on book prize juries after writing stuff like that?)
One more to avoid Paulo Coelho - 11 Minutes which apparently studies the "sacred nature of sex" ... and if you believe that you'll believe anything.

Heathcliff the literary character I most detest (I appreciate there are many worse but so many people like him) - puppy murdering bastard.

I just remembered The Unbearable Lightness of Being. Only read it because some bloke trying to seduce me through books said it was his favourite book. Silly man.

The Hare with Amber Eyes... has ANYONE actually finished it? I tried and tried but kept falling asleep/glazing over with boredom.

I've got an unread copy of the Hare with Amber Eyes around here somewhere... this thread is not selling it to me.

I think I will put my head above the parapet at this point and sheepishly admit that I have read all the Twilight books - in a weird way I felt that I had to so I could join in the societal jeering! The first three were trite and predictable but I soldiered on. They must have some good points because I was sufficiently interested to read Breaking Dawn, which I maintain is the best-written and most interesting of the lot (admittedly that is not saying a lot, but still).

The movies are unmitigated crap though! yes I've seen them, don't you judge me

Oh no, have just bought Chesil Beach to read on holiday (guess where we're going).

However, I do rather like some of the one mentioned here, namely Kevin, Tractors, Lemon Cake, so maybe it'll turn out well.

I very rarely fail to finish a book but I hated Catcher in the Rye, and One Day was so dull! Did read Once Upon A Time In England all the way through but hated the characters and it was too depressing to even give away.

'Lord Of The Flies' is BRILLIANT, I tell you! :)

Kate Atkinson (apart from Museum one) = crap.

Ishiwhatshisname - Never Let Me Go and Remains Of The Day = tedious, boring crapness.

May I nominate Cloud Atlas?

I love Kate Atkinson crime stuff , One Day . Quite liked The Help , Paris Wife, Room ( 1st half) . Didn't rate The Slap . Just read a Sarah Rayner book One Moment One Morning for Book Club and it's emotionally manipulative tosh - pile of rubbish - think I will be biting my tongue a bit when we discuss it - like Jodi Piccoult but worse . Did enjoy Language of Flowers but expect that splits opinion .

bran - I am! Will heed your advice.

Cloud Atlas - completely agree

Another vote for The Island by Ian Hislop's wife Victoria Hislop. It could have been an interesting story/subject, but it's SO BADLY WRITTEN that even after all these years I am STILL FUCKING ANNOYED that I bought it because I was taken in by all the glowing reviews from what were obviously her friends.

At least Lionel Shriver and Ian McEwen can WRITE, even if some of you don't like their style.

Once by James Herbert sticks in my memory as a shit book because it was the first book I read that I honestly thought, 'what is this fucking drivel? Who writes like this?'

Still read it all. Possibly due to a morbid curiosity about how many cringeworthy fanjo euphemisms he could shoe horn into the book. Secret hole, anyone?