thinking about how much to keep aside for weddings, 3 offspring 1 d 2 s

[Juneday]

having been to first family wedding in many years I was chatting about the cost, who pays for what and how subject is broached, it feels like that DH & I will have at least one to pay towards in the next 2 years - do I assume the old rules no longer apply - brides parents pay for most of it and grooms make a contribution? Some still seem to have huge affairs and the parents invite their own friends too, others it is all about the bride and groom, family and a few friends. Obvs depends upon other things too such as religion being a bit part, size of family etc. So based on chats so far £20K from brides parents, 😩 including dress? and offer what if you are parents of the groom? Thought and own experiences would be great.

will have at least one to pay towards in the next 2 years.

Why do you think this?
and can you actually afford it?
There aren't really rules anymore...we paid for our ourselves....so did about 50% of our friends

I had friends piss 10k up the wall on a dress BECAUSE THEY COULD mummy and daddy were footing the bill so who cares?

Mine was £600 and honestly you couldn't tell the difference between them...
I'd be much more inclined to gift them something after the wedding but I'm very commercially minded about cash.. new car? New kitchen? Yes
Navy ribbons on chairs amd personalised chocolate flipflop wedding favours? NO! 😅

Me and all my friends paid for our own weddings. No family help

It’s not really an issue regards why, but let’s just say age and committed relationships and fairly obvious chats along those lines. I agree regardless of funds £10k on a dress is madness, £1k is pretty high for something that is usually worn once but friends whose daughters have married recently tell me this is quite usual. It’s not about what we can afford, but what we should offer when we know in one instance the parents will be offering. I only have friends whose daughters have married to date and am keen to hear what grooms parents generally offer…. And I agree some if the merchandising and barely noticed extras are OTT. It should be a fun party with the couple feeling comfortable and the main feature. But if any parents of recently married young men can share I would be keen to hear.

For our wedding, which was 10 years ago admittedly, my parents paid 60%, we paid 40% and my DH’s family contributed nothing (except the list of their friends they wanted invited).

My kids are all at the point of getting married. There are five of them. They are each getting £1k so they can choose what to do with that money - put it towards a dress, a band, the food. But that's all, because they are all much better paid than I am, in couples (obviously) while I am single, and want to do things their way without any guilt about 'what Mum might want'.

They are all perfectly happy with this.

All my sons have been married for at least ten years, so not recent - but the couples all paid for their own weddings, with just a small contribution from us. We didn't have thousands to spare, anyway.

Our wedding came in around £22k last summer - we could afford this ourselves and had budgeted within our means.

Brides parents very generously and unexpectedly gave around £10k - some paid directly for dress/bills/some specific contributions they made - and then some transferred to us to spend as we wished. I am aware they have offered the same amount to their son and his partner - it’s not about being parents of the bride.

Grooms parents paid for grooms suit - they offered nothing more. They are not aware what bride’s parents contributed. They are not in as comfortable a financial situation - but also do not have as close and involved a relationship with us.

Between my parents and my husband's parents we had £1500 towards our wedding - we were very grateful and not expecting it. I really don't think there is any need or expectation to contribute £20k. A lot of weddings don't even cost that much to start with!

I’ve been married over 20 years and we pretty much paid for our wedding ourselves apart from a £2k contribution from my parents.
Id just decide an amount that is affordable to you and offer the same amount to all children.

In my experience, it totally depends on how much the parents can afford and whether they want to give and children want to accept. I think you should offer the same amount to all of your children though as while parents contributing is still fairly common (although definitely not always the case), I think the concept of brides parents paying is outdated. My parents paid 5k each and in laws gave 10k so all the same, but they didn’t actually ask each other what they were giving. Probably my parents (separated) did discuss it actually, but not with my in laws.

Give each child the same amount of money. How much you contribute is entirely up to what you can afford. Plan ahead knowing that you will need to make similar contributions in the future and may not be able to schedule the timing, so don’t overextend.

The couple can use your contribution to help set their budget. Don’t get into agreeing to cover certain things or percentages. you don’t want to be arguing over canapés.

I'll be honest - this isn't an expense I've planned for or even considered. I forgot it had ever been a tradition, it didn't cross my when I got married even.

Hopefully our kids will be as untraditional as we are and pay for their own wedding if they want one.

I find this very old fashioned.
my kids will be lucky to have anything for the more important life event prior to wedding etc, let alone a wedding. As a single parent.

In the situation that I have money, my preference will be to offer money for house dep. Not a party

then they can spend their own money on the dresses 👍

Same contribution to each child, for them to use towards the wedding they will be paying for.

We have two sons and one daughter and will give them 5K each for their weddings. No plans yet but think this is the fairest.

Depends on your budget!!

All kids in our family got £5k. The 2 x girls got an extra £1k towards their dress.

The vast majority of my friends who got married split the cost between their own savings and some gifted money from each set of parents. Average cost about £20-25k all in I reckon, some more some less.

i do agree with sentiment of giving all the same - my parents did this in effect and mother in law had no money to spare so we expected nothing but she bought us a lovely present that we still have. I know one DCs parents will be generous, one is likely to marry abroad (not English) and other loves a party. Her lovely friends were debating weddings and said they need a pact not to marry within 6 months of each other because attending weddings is so expensive. They were laughing about it but also serious .. years ago I went to a variety of weddings from traditional with big all day parties, to lunch in the garden, and drinks in the evening (couple married in secret aboard the week before). I would guess one third followed what parents suggested and parents mostly paid. Inevitably some divorces since🤔. I try to be fair and equal .. two had more help at Uni due to 4 year courses and one elite sportsman so spent more on tours. So I do feel to make it fair we will offer a little more towards DD when time arises. It’s impossible to ‘equalise’ one never knows career trajectory etc

For my wedding (2018), my parents offered to pay for the food and my mum specifically wanted to buy my dress. (My dress was £1k which was average in the shop i went to. One shop where i tried to make an appointment said that their cheapest dress was £1500 so we soon dropped that idea!) Another family member wanted to pay for the flowers in memory of my Grandad, who loved gardening. Then DH's mum gave us a little monetary gift (less than £1k for context) which was the same as all his siblings had received when they got married. The rest we paid ourselves - music, venue & marquee (the biggest cost), church fees, cars, drink, decorations, invites, bridal party clothes and gifts, hen & stags, stationery, photographer, etc. Can't think what else. So the contribution from everyone else all together probably came to less than £10k?

I'm 33 and engaged. I don't expect my parents, or my partner's, to give us any money towards the wedding. We both earn decent salaries. However If my parents wanted to pay towards something specific like my dress I wouldn't say no.
In my circle of friends weddings tend to cost between £20k-30k. I am happy to delay getting married (no plans yet and been engaged two years) so we can save (it'll be a while off as we prioritised buying a house and just moved in recently). It would be our choice to have a wedding that costs this much so wouldn't expect parents to help out.
I believe most of my friends are the same. I think parents paying for weddings is outdated and honestly a lot of us probably earn more than our parents do (or did if retired).

We gave £5,000. DS used his savings most of which had actually come from us, So effectively about £10,000, which more or less paid for the wedding.

I think the days where the father of the bride was expected to foot most of the bill have long gone. The cost of living will have had an effect on how and what families can afford. I would much rather gift money towards a house than a wedding, of which my generation, many are on to husband #2/3.

Our son got married a couple of years ago. We split the cost of the reception, sit down meal and drinks with the bride's parents. We paid the fee for the chapel and banqueting room because the venue linked to DH's job. They paid for the flowers, printing, cake, etc. DIL bought her own frock. DS paid for the honeymoon.

When the time comes for DD, she'll have a similar wedding and if the groom's side don't or can't contribute, we will pay.

My three all paid for their own weddings. I gave them £2000 as a wedding present.

If you believe your daughter is your possession and believe in dowries then you pay for the bride. If you want to treat your DC the same then you may gift them a contribution, but most couples should be paying the majority themselves, particularly if they want a big flashy affair

@crumblingschools it’s more than my sons girlfriends parents will offer to pay … I am certain of it - so we want to do our bit too. They are older and retired with good pensions and there are no living grandparents her side to help. She isn’t spoilt she is independent and hard working but why would she refuse their offer. I just wondered what people had experienced. If I am wrong and DS and his gf offer to pay themselves of course we will give them money or a decent present.