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Money gift - how much to give? Northern Ireland

36 replies

traintocatch · 27/07/2024 07:31

Myself and DH are going to a colleague's wedding soon and have no idea how much is a reasonable gift. My DH is line manager to the groom and have worked together for about 6
years. We were thinking £300? Too much?

OP posts:
shoofly · 28/07/2024 14:40

traintocatch · 27/07/2024 12:39

Thabk you. What did you give 5 years ago? Similar circumstances?

Honestly I can't really remember? Wedding was in England and by the time we'd booked flights, car hire and a place to stay, it was expensive. Probably around £250
(Actually pics have just come up on Facebook memories it was 6 years ago ) 2 adults and 2 kids attended

shoofly · 28/07/2024 15:00

shoofly · 28/07/2024 14:40

Honestly I can't really remember? Wedding was in England and by the time we'd booked flights, car hire and a place to stay, it was expensive. Probably around £250
(Actually pics have just come up on Facebook memories it was 6 years ago ) 2 adults and 2 kids attended

Was a family wedding

traintocatch · 29/07/2024 11:35

thank you everyone. Could you help me also with how to give? bank transfer? cheque? cash? what do people prefer? Previously we contributed to the registry.

OP posts:
Lightupthenight · 29/07/2024 14:22

Cash is best in my experience.

You have to be careful with names on cheques. When we married we got a number of cheques made out to (say) Mary and John Smith, but I hadn't changed my name so that was a hassle.

The last wedding I attended (ROI) had a 'postbox' at the reception where you could post the cards. Previously, I gave the gifts to best man or groomsmen at the wedding (early in the day!!) Or dropped it to the parents house in the run up if it was nearby.

sickofsickness1 · 29/07/2024 14:33

We went to my husbands partners daughters wedding in October. We gave £300 to their Honeymoon fund.

Husband is a mid to high earner and those from the company had agreed they would give £300 per couple.

Is anyone else from work going?

Ohmydreams · 29/07/2024 20:20

traintocatch · 29/07/2024 11:35

thank you everyone. Could you help me also with how to give? bank transfer? cheque? cash? what do people prefer? Previously we contributed to the registry.

I haven't been to a wedding in the last 5 years that hasn't had a postbox. Prior to that it was ti the groomsman

Lunatallah · 29/08/2024 16:09

I would agree with in an around your budget- the very least i would give to a couple is £100 (me attending on my own) - so £200 from us as a couple depending how close we are to the couple it could range from £200-£400 as a couple.. I like to cover my plate and also gift them a bit more towards honeymoon etc .. i know not everyone will agree - i honestly wouldnt attend if i couldn't give the minimum ... we are getting married soon and have had gifts ranging from 50 a person ( a close cousin of my FH) to 500 from FH uncle. I definitely think your on the money with a minimum off at least 200 as a couple ...

traintocatch · 29/08/2024 21:26

Lunatallah · 29/08/2024 16:09

I would agree with in an around your budget- the very least i would give to a couple is £100 (me attending on my own) - so £200 from us as a couple depending how close we are to the couple it could range from £200-£400 as a couple.. I like to cover my plate and also gift them a bit more towards honeymoon etc .. i know not everyone will agree - i honestly wouldnt attend if i couldn't give the minimum ... we are getting married soon and have had gifts ranging from 50 a person ( a close cousin of my FH) to 500 from FH uncle. I definitely think your on the money with a minimum off at least 200 as a couple ...

In the end we gave £250/couple and regretted it. Was a little dissapointed that the bride wasn't introduced to us and other colleagues and their partners. The groom did come and talked to us a couple of times. We were 3 couples and another 2 colleagues. Bride never spoke to us the whole time we were there and not anyone else apart from their families, bridemaids and groomsmen. Is this normal or this would be considered very rude? We didn't experience this at other weddings we attended. We certainly ensured we said hello and thank to every guest at our wedding on the night. This was a wedding of about 80 people. We never got a thank you for coming never mind the gift from the groom since he returned to work, 2 weeks ago. We also paid hotel room as we went there to have a good time. Our group left at 11pm as it was all very boring....

OP posts:
snowlady4 · 29/08/2024 21:56

You don't need to 'cover the meal.' I hate this idea and how it's 'a thing!' I personally give the exact same gift to a couple who are having a really lavish do as I do to a couple who are having a humble (but equally lovely,)pub lunch! It's a gift not a payment! It's a celebration. It shouldn't be about cost- theirs or yours- and you have no choice in their expenses. I'd be horrified if friends who couldn't afford it gifted me a certain amount because they felt obliged to cover the cost of a menu and venue I'd chosen myself!
Its totally personal to the individual but I think £100 is appropriate as a guest, £300 is vulgar- so maybe go somewhere in the middle?. Or if you want to be generous, you could give money or a voucher along with a thoughtful gift or bottle of champagne.
Enjoy yourselves and don't worry too much about your gift!

Timeforicecream · 29/08/2024 22:11

Oh goodness that’s awful to hear!! I’d be so disappointed and upset at that.

it reflects very poorly on the couple that they didn’t go around & chat to everyone who attended. 80 people is a very small wedding in NI so no excuse for that at all.

I hope the food was good

suki1964 · 29/08/2024 22:50

traintocatch · 29/08/2024 21:26

In the end we gave £250/couple and regretted it. Was a little dissapointed that the bride wasn't introduced to us and other colleagues and their partners. The groom did come and talked to us a couple of times. We were 3 couples and another 2 colleagues. Bride never spoke to us the whole time we were there and not anyone else apart from their families, bridemaids and groomsmen. Is this normal or this would be considered very rude? We didn't experience this at other weddings we attended. We certainly ensured we said hello and thank to every guest at our wedding on the night. This was a wedding of about 80 people. We never got a thank you for coming never mind the gift from the groom since he returned to work, 2 weeks ago. We also paid hotel room as we went there to have a good time. Our group left at 11pm as it was all very boring....

Edited

Sounds like my husbands nephews wedding

Big posh 5 star Belfast wedding, food was piss poor, drink was non existent - nothing to toast with and just one small glass of wine with the meal, and her family were pigging ignorant.

I realised I knew them ( I used to work as a chef at a very popular pub ) and I knew I had seen them but when I said oh you eat at such and such I was told in no uncertain terms they had never darkened the door and the mother of the bride actually turned and walked away from me. Same happened about 6 months later when we were sat at the bar and they came in as a family and tried to hide under the table ( very weird family ) lol Marriage never lasted 5 years

We the extended family on the grooms side, of which there was just 8 were left to get on with it, totally ignored. So we got on with it and had our own party at our table :) First time Id been to a wedding and the kids were in jim jams by 8pm and parents taking them up by 9

Seriously though its not the norm. Our daughters wedding was a blast. We as the hosts made sure we spoke to everyone and thanked them for coming - we knew next to no one, we ensured everyone was having a good time, we introduced those looking lost to ones who would take the time to bring them out of their shells, we checked that they were happy with their rooms and knew where to go for breakfast, sat and chatted to whoever. The grooms family were also great mixers so everyone who attended had a good night and hopefully left feeling they were a valued guest

Sons wedding, well again we were the spare parts but at least that was tiny and we were all living together for 3 days so had to get along, but there were divisions - the NI contingent mixed with the Scottish and the English and the Australians stuck together

I personally hate weddings and usually decline, esp if we are just "the works lot" , they become as excruciating as the works do. If we do attend cos we really have to, its £100 gift unless its family

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