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Original poster

Who pays for weddings?

60 replies

Kumbaya12 · 01/03/2022 09:57

Did anybody have their parents contribute? Or entirely self-funded? What stage of life were you at (young couple, already living together with kids etc)

Just curious

OP posts:
Zazdar · 01/03/2022 10:50

but weddings are also huge family affairs with everyone not only attending but also helping set up. So it’s cheap. Even food can be made by family

This is pretty much how our wedding was, although our ancestry is British. Both our families contributed to the preparation (and clearing up), some arriving a week beforehand.

We paid for most of it ourselves. My parents provided the venue and my husband’s parents provided the booze. Our parents didn’t dictate anything, although they did make some suggestions.

No children, own houses, not living together.

ExactlyThis · 01/03/2022 10:51

Self funded. Owned our own home.

riverpebbles · 01/03/2022 11:11

My family contributed a small amount, and my in laws contributed a small amount. The rest came from us. My in-laws paid for the whole of their daughter's (massive) white wedding, though.

ImInStealthMode · 01/03/2022 13:46

We're in our late 30s and my parents have kindly contributed about 1/3 of the budget. We didn't expect it, and we'd have managed without it, but due to inheritances in the past few years they are in a good financial position and wanted to. The only thing they've asked in return was that we invite my Stepdad's Dad as a courtesy (we knew he was very unlikely to want to travel to attend anyway).

It's allowed us a few extra frills that we wouldn't have been able to afford otherwise.

ImInStealthMode · 01/03/2022 13:47

Also; already own our own property (well I do. Once we're married we'll upgrade to a bigger property together). No DC.

stayathomer · 01/03/2022 13:53

Self funded then in the end our wedding presents helped too. Mum and dad gave a grand. If I could go back I'd have done it soooooooooooo (get what I mean?;)) much cheaper. I cant believe when they asked about adding on extras we said yes!! Fairytale wedding done on the quick as my dad was dying, cost 20k euro in the end (my god can't believe we spent 20k on a day that was only enjoyable because family and friends!!!Grin)

Parker231 · 01/03/2022 13:56

DH’s grandparents paid 100% for our wedding. They did not interfere at all - just flew in for the week of the wedding. Thanks to them we had our dream wedding and honeymoon.

Tree543 · 01/03/2022 13:57

@WeddingFavour

We're paying the majority ourselves. My parents have generously offered to contribute, but we made sure to plan a wedding we could cover ourselves if need be. We're early 30s and living together, no kids. The timing means my parents have recently received retirement lump sums and an inheritance, so they're in a position to, and want to, help.

DP's parents on the other hand... I'd never expect a contribution but both his siblings got married last year and I know from his sister that their parents gave them very generous contributions. However it doesn't look like they're planning to give us anything. Just seems a little unfair to treat your children differently (and all have had similar levels of support up until now too).

Same here. My in-laws paid for their daughter's white wedding. We got married 5 years later and didn't receive a penny from them.
Chewbecca · 01/03/2022 14:01

We paid for about 80% of ours, was given a cash amount from my parents and my MIL paid for the flowers.

When DS got married, they chose quite a small affair to keep the costs down so we offered to pay for the food and drink at the reception. We ended up paying the drinks bill for the evening too as it was less than expected and was nice to keep the bar open.

I think it is nice if the contributors pay for a specific item rather than just put cash in the pot.

WeddingFavour · 01/03/2022 14:17

@Tree543 Same here. My in-laws paid for their daughter's white wedding. We got married 5 years later and didn't receive a penny from them.

One of the siblings is a brother, which makes it even stranger IMO. You can almost understand them thinking, well it's tradition that the bride's family pay. As when we got engaged my parents offered to pay for the whole lot! But we couldn't take them up on that, it's too much money these days.

grey12 · 01/03/2022 14:59

Parents helped a little bit but it was mainly self funded.

OP don't forget there's no need for extravaganza wedding of the century thing (unless you're a multibillionaire!!!). You can have a great day on a more conservative budget and save for a house or holidays. Big tip: think about it like you're planning an amazing joint birthday party Grin that way you'll be more focused on making it fun and less focused in bridezilla stuff: nobody cares about the colour of the chairs or the exact tone of red of the flowers..... (yes, real examples.......)

Deadringer · 01/03/2022 15:05

I got married 30 years ago, we were 23, both working but not in well paid jobs, no dc yet, and my mum paid for my cake, flowers and dress.

DillonPanthersTexas · 01/03/2022 15:06

Married mid 30s, we paid for it all ourselves.

gogohm · 01/03/2022 15:10

My parents paid but it was very cheap, church followed by reception in their garden, I did my own catering cooking it all the morning of the wedding

Cravey · 01/03/2022 15:15

We paid. We went abroad with our children. We also put a sum towards the 25 people that came with us. A wedding in the uk was just stupid money, large families etc. Those that came enjoyed a 2 week all inclusive holiday too. We booked it all together got a really good group discount and gave a small sum to everyone's flights.

Cravey · 01/03/2022 15:16

Should have said my mum and dad insisted on buying my dress.

workshy44 · 01/03/2022 15:17

Parents paid for my sisters wedding, not mine but we are v wealthy plus it was 10 years later and they had retired.
I will pay for my DD's wedding but again we can afford it. When I was young it was the done thing, not sure how much it is anymore though

Ragwort · 01/03/2022 15:22

Paid for our own (& it was very modest - five guests and lunch out. I have an adult DS and I sincerely hope that he does not want an extravagant wedding ... I would much prefer to give him money towards a house rather than for 'one day' .... hearing about sums such as £35k being spent on wedding is truly shocking.

Peakypolly · 01/03/2022 15:24

My DM paid for the meal and the champagne, DH's parents gave us a lump sum, £2000, towards whatever we wanted, general costs, honeymoon etc. but I know they hoped we would actually buy something for the house (which we did). We paid the rest.
I plan to do the same for my DC when the time comes. I think paying for the whole thing does mean parents have far more right to dictate the guest list and I would have hated that!

Erictheavocado · 01/03/2022 15:28

We paid for ours entirely. Neither set of parents contributed in any way, yet both mothers expected to have their say in our arrangements. DH and I soon put them straight. We were young ( but about average age to get married at the time) and didn't live together until after the wedding. This was 40 years ago.
Our DC is marrying next year and has asked us for practical help with some elements and has said they do not need or want financial help.

JustLyra · 01/03/2022 15:35

We paid the main bit (though we had a very small wedding so it wasn’t a lot). My Nana, who brought me up, had given me money before she died to buy my wedding dress as she’d done the same for my sister and my cousins (she gave an equivalent amount to her grandsons too). PIL gave us an amount to go toward it and then paid for two things we weren’t going to bother having, but were happy to do so when they said they’d like us to and they’d pay.

Surely if you’re paying yourself tou can invite family as individuals instead of needing to invite ALL cousins for example or none?

Generally that depends on the family. In my family that would be something that people took real offence too. No-one is super close, but no-one is less close either so inviting some and not others isn’t the done thing at all.

In DH’s family it’s very common. PIL were one of 15 and one of 9 so on both sides there is a huge number of cousins. Inviting cousins without partners and inviting some cousins and not others is very common and not offensive at all.

40thanniversayfastapproacning · 01/03/2022 16:25

Intending to do what my parents did for us. Give a lump sum and allow my son and his fiancée to choose how to split it, wedding, wedding present, honeymoon. My parents didn't expect to dictate how things went but were available to help/advise when asked. My mum made the cake and got a colleague to ice it. Still have very fond memories of our wedding day - 40 years on.

Scbchl · 01/03/2022 16:27

I got married at 28 and my in laws paid for our band. My dad paid 5k towards the venue. My mum paid half of my dress and we paid the remaining 7k.

FairyCakeWings · 01/03/2022 16:30

We paid for our wedding, but my mum bought my dress and DH’s parents contributed to the honeymoon.

ukborn · 01/03/2022 17:21

I was only daughter of three to get married, but I was 40 snd my husband had been married before. We wanted a decent sized (120) wedding in central London. My parents contributed a figure and my husband paid the rest - my parents never knew what the budget was but for the wedding alone husband paid two thirds, and he paid for our wedding outfits, honeymoon and for a dinner the night before for all those who had travelled. My parents hosted a brunch the next day for their friends who had travelled in from abroad. It was a fantastic day and I was very lucky my husband was able to give me the wedding I wanted.