Plus one etiquette?

[wantthismummy]

We are only having a small wedding. Trying to sort out the guest list. We are wondering what is the etiquette for plus ones? As in, do we give everyone the option, or only ones we know as a couple? None at all? I just wondered what the ‘done’ thing was and what people who have also had small weddings did. Thanks.

I would not be giving your 18 year old sister the option of a plus one. It's not as if she won't know anyone.

Agree with PP that to me a “plus one” means they can bring someone random or someone they’ve just started dating. I wouldn’t be doing that. But I would be inviting established couples even if you don’t necessarily know the person’s partner very much. I think it’s polite.
If someone is in an established relationship of several years that’s not a “plus one”.

I would feel uncomfortable going to an event by myself so would either need a plus one or I would politely decline the invite. Now if it's a bunch of friends invited and you can sit them together then that's fine but if you don't know their partner me and they'd be essentially on their own or just as bad, a third wheel then I would say a plus one is a must.

To me, a plus one is basically a date or a random.

For married couples I would usually invite both. For long-term relationships, I would invite the partner if both the bride and groom had met them.

My view is that if a couple are either a) married or b) living together then they are both invited.

Otherwise only the person who is known to the bride and/or groom gets invited.

A recent wedding I attended bridesmaid A kicked off because her boyfriend of 6 months was only invited to the evening do, whereas the fiancé who shared both a house and child with bridesmaid B was invited to the whole day.

The bride quite rightly told bridesmaid A to do one.

We are having a small wedding too, and at first I had the same dilemma as you. I personally think it's rude not to invite established partners and spouses (maybe less rude if the couple met a month prior to the wedding). I have been to several evening receptions where the couple either didn't know my partner or me (depending on whose friend was getting married) and we always got invited together. Unmarried, but not a casual on-off relationship, so we are seen as a unit. For the meal and dancing specifically I wouldn't have felt comfortable without him if other couples got to come together.

You could always invite some guests with partners to the reception only, or not invite them at all. We have drawn the line at our immediate family and a close group of friends with partners. No cousins, aunties, colleagues etc. That way we have room for plus ones and can explain to anyone who asks that we are having a budget wedding and we can't invite everyone.

There are plenty of good reasons not to have met long term partners or spouses of friends (e.g. people you may know well from work or a hobby) and I personally think it's very rude not to invite them purely because you haven't met them. Have you tried to meet them or have circumstances just got in the way?

Conversely, I think length of relationship is perfectly ok as a reason not to invite a friend's partner. I wouldn't do random plus ones. In your case I wouldn't be inviting your sister's latest partner.

If they're married or engaged or in a long term relationship/partnership invite. What we did with our smaller wedding (100 guests) no one got a plus one if they weren't in one of the previously mentioned situations except our small bridal party. No one in our bridal party was married or engaged but the way we saw it was they did so much for us during the planning process they deserved to have fun and to have a plus one whether it was a new significant other we hadn't met or just a friend so they could have someone.