Rabbit in the Headlights: Advice gratefully received!

[BahamaLlama]

Please could you impart your wedding/event best advice, top tips, what to be wary of, etc?

We shall need to save and pay for our wedding and so are mindful of costs, but as it is very early stages, I'm rather confused and daunted right now.

For example:

• Pros and cons of a church ceremony versus a registrar service? Is a church ceremony much more expensive all considered (e.g. flowers to decorate, reception transport, etc)?

Do churches tend to marry any couple these days (I'm not divorced, but I've not been christened/confirmed)?

• I understand prices are hiked if we declare it's a wedding so better to say a party? Has anyone done this, and can you 'get into trouble' when the provider discovers you in a wedding dress, etc?

• As above, I presume it's cheaper to order a non-specific cake rather than say to order a wedding cake?

I see you can order Pattiserie Valerie cakes online. Are there any other good national suppliers out there?

• From your experience, what has/hasn't worked at events you've been to?

• Where/how can I get any wedding 'bargains'? What are the best ways we can try to save money?

• What have been the really sweet touches others have included in their weddings/receptions?

HUGE thanks in advance

We focused on:
A venue that's convenient for guests and doesn't require a 15 mile drive to the nearest hotel. Not as aesthetically pleasing as a barn in the middle of nowhere, but no logistical issues with getting guests there.
A small local florist who charges much less than large florists with shops to maintain etc.
Cake from a woman who runs her own small business and only charges £200 for a 3 tier cake for 80+ people.
Dress is a sample from a small bridal shop that's being altered by a local seamstress.
The registrar fees are pricey in our area (£400), but we don't go to church and it would be hypocritical of us to book the beautiful local church just for pretty photos!

I'm not stressed at all, as our focus is on us getting married and our friends / families all having a nice day together

In that case OP I’d spend the money on legal advice first.

@CurbsideProject

Thanks for your post. That's great advice about the flowers and cake. I hope (assuming we will still be getting married!) that we are able to find somebody local and equally as reasonable who could do our cake. The price you've got for your three tier cake is really good - and for 80 people too - wow!!

@IMOGEN
Thank you. That's what I'd been thinking too and where I am at the moment. Just got to find a decent solicitor now who can help to advise me... Some other friends were saying they have legal 'deed agreements' in place that set out the value, equity and percentage property split if they were to separate. At first glance it sounds like it could be perfect for us, and OH completely understands fortunately. However when calling around firms not one solicitor has thought to mention this potential option to me - going straight to prenups and wills. Not helpful assuming this legal deed agreement stuff is actually a thing

Maybe you should start your own thread in legal and ask for experiences / advice ? Not instead of intructing your own solicitor, but to give you some ideas for your own thoughts and research first.

I agree it’s crucial that you do this now. Because ( I assume ) you are the one who will be taking maternity leave and will have your career and pension adversely affected. And you are the one who will be the main carer for your child / children if you spilt.

I say this before some **hole comes along and bleats “ well you wouldn’t advise a man to protect his assets before marriage so that proves you are sexists nah nah nah “.

Men generally don’t end up with less money and greater financial responsibilities after a divorce. Men don’t generally take maternity leave and go part time to facilitate their wife’s career.

@IMOGEN
Thank you once again for your great advice. Brilliant shout on the legal thread. Or at least I can search to see what info I can find on here already.

Exactly this!! I'm all too aware of the very real existence of the glass ceiling and the gender pay gap.
It's depressing I need to be considering all of this, but I can't afford not to and especially given the divorce stats as they are. Not protecting myself could affect me and future children for life #Sensible

You've already had great advice, so I will just outline the main areas we saved money:

1. Flowers and decoration.
   My sister made bouquets out of origami flowers. £50 total materials, and we get to keep them forever. I used greenery from the garden and handmade numbers from foam flowers for centrepieces. Cost about £10 altogether.
   We chose somewhere that looked nice as it was, borrowed decorations, and bought things that we'd like in the house anyway.

2. Cake.
   I made my own, but Tesco do a 'cheese cake' for just £30. You can have a second one waiting in the wings for more portions, and double it up with the evening buffet.

3. DJ.
   Don't have one. They're mostly naff, and you know your own crowd. Spotify playlist.

4. No cars.

5. No photographer - this is controversial to some, but we had talented family take our photos, we were comfortable with them, and they're beautiful.

6. Cheap dress. For £250, I had a custom made top, custom skirt, and a change for each into non-custom items for the evening. I spent £12 on my shoes from New Look. They were seen exactly as much as anyone with a big skirt has their shoes seen... Bridesmaids given a £70 budget, each bought a different dress of their own choosing to suit the theme, they were welcome to accessorize as they pleased, esp. if they could include it in the budget.

7. Favours - we only had these because they were free with a pruchase of someone else's wedding cast offs.

I thoroughly recommend a DIY venue to, because we could hire our own staff, and have the following also:

8. Our own evening buffet and canapes. Bought these from M&S and Tesco for very much less than the cost of a proper caterer, even with staff to serve them. Plus we could lay on a proper massive spread instead of half a cucumber and cream chesse puff of air per person!

What we did spend on:

Free bar
Accommodation for wedding party and family
The main meal
Food for guests on the Friday night
Entertainment

Thank you @thecatsthecats

Really like the idea to ditch the DJ and doing your own buffet. Cannot go wrong with M&S!!
I think we would need to invest in a photographer as couldn't trust our friends to be able to do a good job I don't think, but my friends Uncle did a good job for her wedding so would like to see if we could book him too and hopefully get a bit off for mates rates...

If you do decide to have a church service ask the vicar if you can speak to the people who do the flowers every week to see if they can work your colour scheme into their arrangements. Also find out if any other weddings are taking place on the same day so you and the other couple can mix your colour scheme.
Do any of your family drive an unusual car or other vehicle? If so ask if they can chauffeur you to the wedding.