There's petrified and there's PETRIFIED

[Rainbowsandunicorns88]

I know wedding jitters are usual. But I mean nerves for the actual day. As in full on panic attack paranoia. The thought of eyes glaring at me, walking down the aisle, standing up in front of everyone....just the thought gives me palpitations and a tight chest. My wedding is 5 months away, medium sized I suppose with 70 day guests and at first when we planned it I was happy as Larry about them all there. Now shits getting real. Did/does anyone else dread the actual day?

Don't cancel it unless you don't want to marry him. It just needs scaling down and if he loves you he will understand. If he doesn't then maybe you should cancel it!!

Can you just think about DP at the alter and concentrate on him and his face advise he sees you enter?

Block all the other people from your mind as you picture this?

Takes some practice!

But GP seems like a good idea before you think about cancelling

I have mild asthma and I take beta blockers.

Are you sure you want to marry him?

If yes, what kind of wedding would you like if it wasn't for the anxiety? Would you really like the bigger wedding and to enjoy it, or is it that really you would prefer the smaller one anyway?

I'm just thinking the anxiety might be serving some kind of purpose for you that you could solve yourself by identifying what your deepest needs/wants are, and then arranging things to be that way anyway, without the need for the anxiety. Not sure it that makes sense and it is just a thought, not a criticism.

If you deep down want to be married to him and want the original type of wedding you thought you wanted, there will be some things you can try to do to help the anxiety and not let it dictate to you how you live your life. Alternatively, the anxiety may be trying to tell you something important - not necessarily that you don't want to marry him, but something. You might need to dig deep to try to find out what.

Lap what beta blockers do you take? My GP says it's contraindicated in asthma.

I'd like a tiny tiny ceremony then a party. His response to my suggestion? Let's cancel the whole thing.

Propranolol

Well it sounds like he is being unreasonable not to discuss and compromise, then. Is he usually like that in other situations, or just with this? How bad would your anxiety need to get, how upset and unwell would you need to get, before he would take some notice of what you want and agree to compromise? I'd be feeling anxious in those circumstances too.

I don't like that at all, OP. What he's basically saying is that your fears don't matter; it's his way or it's the highway.

It's a bit amateur psychologist of me I know, but I suspect that what you're experiencing could in fact be your innermost self trying to tell you something...

Have you been completely honest with him? Does he think you are just going off the idea of getting married?
Whether you do go forward as a single person or a married one you need help with your anxiety.

I agree with Fechez. I think your psyche is digging in and trying to protect you! It is being stubborn just like he is.

You'd hope he'd see you're upset and want to agree something you'll both like, but he hasn't done that so far. If you insist that he works with you to reach a compromise on this, and he says no, then you are left with a decision to make.

How much money is committed? I'm not in any way suggesting that £ should be a factor in whether you cancel/downscale/go ahead as planned.
But it might explain his reaction if he doesn't fully realise the level of your anxiety.

Speak to your gp. The waiting list may be ages or there may be some low level intervention you can start with while you wait.

You may as well ask, you've nothing to lose.

Then have a look at AnxietyUK website. There's lots of advice and they can provide cheaper cbt for folk who can't afford it.

I don't think think marrying someone so unsupportive sounds like a good idea.

I have the same issues with being centre of attention and anxiety, DP and I have already decided to elope.

Hmm, on the one hand I know everyone wants their partner to support them unconditionally, but on the other it can be really hard living with someone who has extreme anxiety. From your DPs point of view you've booked a wedding, invited loved ones and he's probably excited about the whole thing, and now you want to cancel because of anxiety. So he has to let down everyone he wanted to have there, because of anxiety. Have you cancelled things in the past? I know my anxiety has spoiled things that should have been enjoyable events, I got help and am much better now at just gritting my teeth and getting on with it rather than letting it ruin things. So perhaps your fiance is just gutted that the anxiety is winning, rather than an unsupportive bastard. But don't marry him if you don't want to, that's 100% fine.

YouMed it's exactly that. Anxiety gets in the way of everything. But weirdly and annoyingly, I can power through excruciating anxiety in, say, job interviews and appear as the most confident woman in the world. Yet shopping centres, trains etc mega freak out. He's bored and frustrated of me cancelling things. He's excited for his big day too.

With me the social anxiety is worse with people I know... Job interviews the worst thing that van happen is I don't get the job and therefore never see them again, but with friends it matters more! But fwiw I didn't find my wedding too bad - you do all the vows etc with your back to everyone and I was concentrating hard on doing vows etc so not really thinking about anything else. Also I wore a veil so couldn't really see anyone walking down the aisle, and I was very thankful as a female I wasn't expected to make any speeches! So essentially a bit of walking past people, a but of speaking with my back to people, and I was done 😁