Wedding Dilema

[NannyOggsKnickers]

Hi

DP and I are getting married this Summer at our local church with a reception afterwards a the beautiful village hall. The wedding service is late afternoon and we are trying to do everything low key and on a tight budget.

The dilema is this:

Do we pay for caterers and have someone else serve, clear up and make the food. But not have a band or invite as many people?

Or do we ask guests to bring a dish instead of a present, hire a few waitresses for the afternoon/evening, invite everyone we want and have a great band?

I'm torn really. Both plans have their plus points. I'm worried about giving myself too much to do. Catering would be hot and cold buffet anyway but would eat up a massive chunk of budget. Any ideas?

A recent shoestring wedding we went to had a chip van and an icecream van and guests bought their own food from them - all pre-warned.

Both vans (actually there were a couple of each) added Wedding Specials to their menus. My friend said they were suprised to be asked but came to a really cheap arrangement very quickly.

We had deep fried calamari, clams and mussels with straw chips followed by a ridiculous amount of cake and ice cream!

Oh, we did make cakes for them

OK, I think I'm swaying back towards the caterers. Snack vans/hog roasts are a great idea but there isn't enough space around the hall to park one- hall right of the main road and fairly busy village.

Is there any advice on how to handle an open bar? We're providing all the booze because there's a limited number of licenses from the council for the year.

I would hate to be asked to bring food to a wedding. The practicalities just don't stand up - carrying a casserole dish of something with strong aromas while in my finest outfit? Sitting in a car with a salad going soggy? Trying to find my own dish/bowl/serving platter after it is over to take home that night with me? What size meal should I bring - a huge lasagne for 70 or a tiny tapas dish since the other 69 guests will all be bringing something too? When do I find time on the morning of the wedding to make it? It just simply cannot work. How would the hot food be heated and the cold food stay chilled? What if everybody beings desert? Pleaee please don't put this on your guests.

With regard to music, in my experience, if the bride, groom and bridesmaids spend plenty of time on the dance floor, then the guests will too. I think a band is better than a dj, dj is better than an iPod playlist but either way, lead by example and get up dancing yourself.

sycamore you could just say no. Whenever I've been to a wedding with food like this people have been asked to bring a specific dish to feed a rough number of people.

And I would dispute "it cannot work". It worked perfectly well in the three occasions I've been to.

You're providing all the booze?! No. you're doing this the wrong way around. Pay for the food and have an honesty box for the drink.

Are you in the hall the day before to set it up? We did everything ourselves for our wedding and paid a friends teenager to be at the hall while the service was on (we married at 4pm) to get all the prepared food onto the buffet table and prepare the welcome drinks. It worked really well, we spent the day before the wedding preparing food madly but it was actually great as there was no time for nerves. We started setting up the hall the evening before and finished off on the morning of the wedding. So many people were happy to help and that was lovely too. We took over the food in the no ring and put in in the fridges. Our food budget was £500 for 100 people and actually we spent less in the end, and there was more than enough. Saindburys sandwich platters can be picked up on the day and are good value, they also do free glass hire. I really liked the idea of asking people to bring food instead of gifts but Dh wasn't keen. I wouldn't change a thing about any of it x as for open bar, we didn't do that as there was a bar there and prices were cheap. I'd again see if any of your guests have friends or family locally who'd be happy to act as barman for the day, someone I know did this and charged a nominal amount for each drink (not sure I'd charge myself but it did mean no one was pouring themselves ridiculous amounts)

We've been to two weddings with free bars - on both occasions the couple bought the spirits and wines whenever they saw them on special in the months leading up to the day. Both times they had plenty left over! One of the weddings they paid for a barman and at the other friends just randomly did stints behind the bar or people helped themselves- it worked well.

We had a caterer for our wedding in the village hall and the 3 course meal was £14.50 pp. We also saved money by getting an M&S wedding cake, it was really tasty!

Another money saver for us was getting the flowers from an online nursery and my mum did all the flowers (apart from my bouquet and the buttonholes - she didn't want the stress so a florist did them). We used Triangle Nursery - mum spoke to them a few times on the phone and got great advice and the flowers when they arrived were perfect.

I would

Have caterers for the food
Set up loads of different playlists or download one of those DJ set ups onto a lap top (so no band)
Ask everyone to bring with them whatever they want to drink for the day (tell them there is no bar and they can bring whatever they will actually drink and keep it on their table - be that beer, wine, spirits or soft drinks). Try and find a way of providing ice and also provide things like bottle openers and some cups or glasses.

Guests will be delighted they get their own choice of drink, and it will cost them the same as a single drink from a hotel, for the entire day.
It's not the same hassle as trying to cook before the wedding, then transport in their car, then leave in the car for the ceremony, etc, then collect your dish at the end. Nor the same risk of food poisoning. Nor the work of co-ordinating who is bringing what.

Oh, and if you want something other than a standard buffet, all the curryhouses round here do a good deal on bringing a curry out to 'dos' in village halls etc..... just a thought.

Which ever way you decide, do have a plan for the tidy up afterwards, too. You will be tired by that point, so if you can minimise what actually needs to be done after the party is over, do so. Keep the washing up going throughout the evening. Ask everyone to collect and sort out whatever dishes they brought.

Ideally, pay someone, or allocate a small team to supervise the tidy up afterwards, if you need more help than has volunteered, ask everyone to help tidy up afterwards, too. I,m usually happy to help, but not if I am wearing 'wedding' clothes and shoes. If i know in advance, i bring a pair of jean and flats (whatever top am i wearing is usually fine) to help clear up afterwards. All the best.

Or order some party food from Waitrose - ham, beef, salmon, big salads - then add bread, cheese (maybe a cheese 'cake'), crisps, olives, pickles etc. Rope in some sensible teens to receive the delivery and lay it out while you are at the ceremony. Buy decent disposable glasses, plates and cutlery, and banqueting roll for the tables.
Borrow or buy containers to fill with ice to chill the drinks. Ask your local off-licence to do sale or return and ask if they will chill the drinks and deliver just beforehand.

You really need some reliable folk who are not guests to keep it running smoothly, go round collecting dirty plates etc. and clear up.

Bring and share weddings are fab! I've been to several. Works fine if organised well. Would hire a DJ rather than a band.

Thanks all. I think I've got a better idea of what to do. We've already got people doing things for us- cake, car, flowers, decorations and bell ringing! Which is part of the reason why we wanted to provide the wine and beer (some of which has also been donated). What do we think about a charity box in place of an honesty box? Get people to make a small donation in return for a drink. I've also considered limiting the number of glasses available so people have to finish their drinks rather than abandoning them for a new one. We won't be having spirits. Maybe a cocktail station.

The charity box makes no sense at all - why is it linked to the drinks?

For those saying it can work, please explain the practicalities step by step. I genuinely cannot see it as anything other than a massive pain for the majority of the guests. You would need massive fridge space at the venue, multiple ovens to coordinate the timing of heating everything at once, and I would predict tons of wasted leftovers that cannot be reused as they have already been reheated. Then you have a mess of dirty dishes to be returned to their owners and all the time you are dependent on the food hygiene and safety knowledge of dozens of amateurs.

As a guest, it would be very hard to say no to a groom or bride who asked me to bring a chile con carne for ten people but believe me, I'd hate every aspect of it.

sycamore The idea is that people pay a donation for their drinks, instead of full price, to encourage people not to spank the booze. At least if they are making a 50p/£1 contribution to a drink then they might not run through it quite a quickly. Also, it raises money for a local charity.

As far as fridges etc- the hall has a catering kitchen with a couple of fridge and a professional gas range. If I were to do it I would follow the advice on this thread and organise it so everyone knew what they were bringing. I wouldn't force anyone to contribute anything- hence why we're not asking for gifts or cash donations. If people don't want to help but want to turn up then I am cool with that. We just want to see people.

Could you not ask guests to bring a bottle rather than food?

Someone on here wrote a really good invitation which said something like "there will be some booze provided but if you are picky or greedy please feel free to bring a bottle to share or hide under your table" only it was really nice and humorously written not rude like what I've wrote

I'll see if I can find it for you!

One of the best weddings we have been to had an iPad and a PA system. When they sent the invites they asked us to include three favourite party type songs in our rsvp. They then turned everyone's rsvps into a playlist, obviously eliminating any double requests. It was fantastic. The music literally suited everyone.

It was catered and there was a bar but you could also take a bottle for your table. Really relaxed fun night.

I think asking 50 people to bring a dish sounds fine. I also think pp about a BBQ would be great. You could appoint 10 or so people to run it on a rota basis. It sounds lovely and relaxed. And enjoy your band.

For my marriage to my late husband, we asked those who were local and who had offered help to do a buffet for us. We did an afternoon tea style as it was about 4 pm so we had sweet and savoury scones, with some crisps and sausage rolls, and then later on we had desserts and my amazing SIL made chocolate mousse (100 individual portions) and we had chocolate fountains (borrowed off friends) with fruit to dip in. It worked really well, cost was minimal and the relaxed style suited us - my MIL orchestrated it with friends setting up on the morning for us. There was a bit to do the day before but we decorated the hall ourselves and I really enjoyed it, it wasn't stressful. For music a few friends played guitar and sang for us and then we had a playlist. Oh and we had 180 guests but definitely didn't spend lots - total spend was just over £1500

I recently remarried and we decided to just have tea and cakes at the church following the service. Again friends were keen to help out and about 10 people made different types of cake and I made some too. Was very easy to set up, people just put them on tables and I had made labels up ready. Everyone really enjoyed the relaxed atmosphere and make mingled after. We didn't have any music or dancing and left quite early to put our daughter to bed.

It's up to you really and what you want. But I am sure people will be pleased to help and be involved.

I think the bring a dish thing only works if everyone is very local. The OP has said that the venue is 30 minutes away for most people. The logistics are complicated as presumably people don't want food left in hot cars for hours at a time.

It would honestly irritate me a bit. Get up, make food for however many people, get dressed, get in the car, go to the reception venue first, store the food in the fridge, go to church, back to reception, wait in line to heat up food on the range, serve up food and then start clearing up. All hassle I really don't need, thanks. I'd prefer to nip out during the reception and buy a sandwich or a bag of chips nearby. Cheaper and less hassle.

And let's be honest. When we talk about 'people' bringing a dish we mean 'women'. I note on the previous people's comments on here that it was all women doing the making of dishes and helping out. The OP talks about aunties helping out, not uncles. So all the women do all the cooking, then they heat it up and serve it out and then they clear up and wash up. Meanwhile all the men stand about drinking. I do find it annoying.

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Very offtopic, sorry, but this is such a fascinating example of how different the responses on different MN boards can be. If you ask 'AIBU to give my special damson jam for a Christmas present?' you're met with a horrified howl of 'ew! I bin all homemade food gifts instantly! What if they have cats/dogs/iguanas? The germs, the germs!!' Yet here, the idea of a potluck wedding reception is cute and communal.

TBH, OP, I'd happily bring my own booze to a wedding, plus some 'for the table' but I'd be less keen to schelp a lasagne in the car and even less keen to eat some of my relatives' culinary offerings. And I'll dance all night to a playlist - the suggestion of asking people to choose 3 tracks each is one that's been a real winner for at least three weddings i've been to.