wedding invitation - "cash poem"

[s88]

currently starting our wedding invitations and dp wants to add in a poem about if people want to give a gift , then cash . I HATE IT !

he said we don't need stuff as have been living together for 9 years so I said maybe just out a note saying no gifts then but he doesn't agree .

what can I do ?

Every wedding me and DH have been to in the 9 years we have been together have requested money as gifts. We are 27/28 and all our peers have been getting married in recent years.

I have never heard anyone say they minded, not once.

Poems are cringey though.

There are people who will give cash in an envelope no matter what, people who will give stuff no matter what, and a small but important group who will give cash unless they're asked specifically for it. Then they'll give you the gift of donated manure.

^^THIS

This should be tagged at the top of every thread about weddings, like that bit in AIBU that tells us to play nicely.

I have to say I think that in the real world it's generally quite common to say - we don't expect any gifts but if you wish to give anything a contribution to xxxx would be gratefully received.
Add in what ever project you are saving towards at the moment - kitchen/bathroom etc.
I've never met anyone offended by this in real life. I prefer to give a gift but if money is preferred we give what we would have spent on a present.
BUT please don't use a poem, it's so naff.

Please. please no. I come from a large family, and am one of the older generation ( 59 ). I always ask what would be most appreciated, and if its cash, so be it. The only time I balked is when I got a list ( from a second marriage of a nephew) to 'buy' honeymoon experiences

If you really don't want presents then you wouldn't say..but if you want too then X will be lovely.

We have recently been to a wedding where your presence, not presents was required. We gave a gift card. We wanted too. I would have liked to have been able to buy something to wrap but just as happy with the gift card as it wasn't a demand and no fake we don't want anything crap. Giving cash seems crass. Gift voucher is better imo.

I don't get why MN is so judgy about this!

Asian weddings it's totally standard to give cash.

Weird British uptight desire to give toasters.

What is so hard about just NOT mentioning it AT ALL?

I agree you can't specify what you'd like as a gift. Unless given a list most younger people assume cash anyway. Parents are usually good at dropping hints to family saying you need spends for honeymoon etc. Explicitly begging (especially with a generic shit poem) is a bit tack.

Do Asian weddings put a poem in asking for money?

thisbitch, but why is it uptight to feel more comfortable giving one kind of thing versus another kind of thing? cultures vary? if the OP felt fine about getting cash she wouldn't be asking, but as she has asked it is clearly not her culture.

Don't mention gifts at all.
People will contact you, or your parents and ask if there is anything you'd like.
You can then give them an idea of something you'd like - we're going to X on honeymoon some dollars/rupees or what ever would be lovely.

Poems are SHIT!

I'd find it even more weird and annoying to receive a wedding invite with no information about gifts.
It is generally considered the norm to give friends and family something to mark the occaision of their marriage.
In times gone by that would have been something to help the couple set up house.
Nowadays many couple already own their own homes or at least their own furniture, cutlery and crockery.
It's still nice to give them something to set them on their married way together.

Don't ask for anything. Most people will give you money/ vouchers anyway in my experience

It's just the sheer judginess and resistance to the idea of a couple needing money. Yes it's not ideal to ask, and a poem is a bit cringey, but money is not 'tacky' or 'grabby' or anything else. It is a very British thing and I think as someone else said, younger people are more and more asking for money (it has to be asked for still as not the norm in this culture, whether it's the act of asking that makes it 'grabby' I've no idea) and I think 'gift lists' will be seen as weird in under a generation's time. As in 'eh? They've chosen a load of stuff they want and we have to go to the shop and buy it?!' Much weirder IMO.

I didn't anticipate so many replies , the general outlook then is, do not do it . which is what I was going for anyway ..

my question of what can I do is directed at convincing dp that we shouldn't add it to the invite .

and for the person who asked why I would marry someone who would do one of those poems , really?!

btw I'm 26 and it is quite common for people to ask for money , it was something I didn't like though from a recent invitation.

Back2two -

'Grim' and 'trend'? - things change, traditions change and for that matter tradition isn't always what's best. I give Asian weddings as an example as it's not seen as embarrassing or tacky or anything to give cash. Asking, in British current culture, is seen as 'grabby' but I do believe times are changing, and that's not grim, it's entirely sensible given that most twenty-thirty something's who are getting married have lived with their partners for years and a gift list is pointless in that situation. Some people hang on to tradition for tradition's sake though. And it's not worth upsetting the older generation at weddings over IMO , as they do find it 'grim' 'shocking' 'grabby' and all the other ridiculous adjectives bandied on this thread, so do whatever suits you

If it's so much part of the current culture to give cash as the default option, ThisBitch, then it hardly needs saying, does it? Particularly by way of a cringeworthy poem.

fwiw, my Mum is almost 80 and usually gives cash at weddings. Sometimes she'll get a little gift as well, or she might buy from a list if there was one and she could be arsed
If you sent her a poem, or expected her to ring a bell on a wishing well she would take the piss out of you though.

Sorry Back - you're right and don't sound uptight whatsoever

I should have said 'some British people'

Just show him this thread s88

I have been to loads of weddings this year and every single one asked for honeymoon. Everyone was happy to do this and was pleased to be able to help them with their honeymoon. I have loads of wedding next year too and I know that all of them are going to be doing the same thing.

Damn autocorrect.... Honeymoney