Feel very sad having just witnessed my friend force feeding her son 17 weeks.

[geordiemacminx]

Had a friend and her son round for a coffee this afternoon. He is 17 weeks, she plonked him in the highchair and begand feeding him bananna custard type thing... It was so sad to watch, he clearly wasnt physically developed enough, every spoon full she was puttin in was gettin pushed back out by his tongue. He has been on solids since he was 3 months... Although I can kinda see why she would try, as at 4 months he is 21lb, which is heaier than my ds who is 8 1/2 months, but clearly he isnt ready.

This isnt a rant about jars, or purees or anything as that what I started my ds on, think he was 5 1/2 months when wegave him pureed fruit but this poor litle thing clearlydidnt understand what was going on.

I really feel for the OP and don't think she did anything wrong by making this post.

Why all the defensive and nasty comments? Does it touch a nerve with some of you?

Appalled at it, honestly.

I would have felt the same, Geordie. Sadly a lot of people don't think babies know what is good for them.

Is it really force feeding though or has it become that since we have had WHO advice filtered down tu us. Wrong as it may or not be to have weaned at 4 months as I did as per the advice at the time - there is no way thios would have been considered 'force feeding'.

You see what yu want to see and this thing about tongues pushing food out again I just don't buy as evidence of physicsal immaturity. Have you ever tried to feed a baby animal? It's like that. Even though they are ready for the feed.

and while ;force feeding' might have some very bad overtones, essentially that is what was being done, so I don't think there is any need to mince words. Feeding someone against their will is what it means and that is clearly what was going on.

Scary connotations or not.

and I think the OP is describing a baby who was not happy - that is the important thing. If he were happily being weaned at 3 or 4 months, fine, but I think from her tone he was not.

That's all.

i remember a friend from a long time ago forcing her 13 week old baby rice, it was screaming and she would shovel in baby rice and then shove a bottle in its mouth so it would swallow it. i thought it was awful and to be honest i found it distressing to watch! some babies are ready at a yuonger age, others arent. i weaned mine at 5.5 months only because he was not gaining much on my 'poor quality breast milk' i was so kindly informed by my HV!

Some mothers are just downright insensitive parents. It's all about their needs rather than the child's.

I feel so sorry for their poor kids, they'll be dealing with these women all their lives.

All mine had puree by 16 weeks btw, the youngest is 9 months. You've got to be sensitive to your child's needs and likes.

It doesn't sound like that was an option, Fio. ~But I take your point.

I am suprised by how agitated every one is getting, surely the whole point of this "talk board" is so that people can air their views, i bet she wishes she hadn't bothered now. I don't think its that easy just to discuss it with her friend, as new mothers sometimes you never know what you are doing for the best, and it would have been hard to suddenly start criticsing her so called friend. I think some of you are really giving geordie a hard time, she probably only wanted to get other peoples opinions not a hard time.

To be fair with the exception of Fiofio everyone on here seems to see the point that I was making, and agree. At no pont did I say that she was mistreating or being cruel to her ds. I just thought that it looked like he wasnt ready for food - and that she was so proud that he was weaned at 3 months. It made me sad, not angry, I didnt say anything to her as he is her baby, her third, and she is perfectly able to bring him up as she sees fit, just as we all do with our own children.

At any one time on MN there are 100's of threads that could be answered "discuss it with your friend/husband/boss/neighbour, sometimes people dont feel that they want to od that and thats why they come on here, tospeak to others, get advice and sound off.

Fiofio, if you think its acceptable to push food into the mouth of a baby aged 16 weeks then grand, fair play to you. It just made me sad thats all.

Actually Fio your point on the previous page about social services not caring is not always the case.

I know of at least one mother who's children were eventually removed because of her consistently overfeeding and force feeding them from a young age.

It did involve a lot of input from family support services and social workers first but eventually all her children were removed.

To the OP - I would have said something to her but been prepared for her to take it badly.

I weaned DS at 4 months, after exclusive BF. 4 months was recommended by HVs at the time. He immediately grabbed the spoon and shovelled it towards his face. It was so horribly messy I moved him onto finger foods very quickly. The actual age is not the point, it's whether they are ready.

I think you can tell if they are ready when they start fussing madly when you are eating. It all relates to my "how would the cavewomen have done it" theory - before they invented purees etc., they would have given them a ready-chewed bit to keep them happy.

BTW they hadn't invented ironing in those days either.

Fio - it would depend on other factors but I wouldn't be too quick to dismiss it if I were you, and as a social worker, I really do think so.

He weighed 20lb at 3 months... surely that isnt right?

She started him at 3 months... which probably means a few weeks before. Hey ho though, like I said, her child and all that. Just made me sad to see thats all. He was extremely large... bigger than my ds who is 4 months older, and in 9-12 month clothes... but coulnt sit up

'forcefeeding' is a very emotive word. I have to sometimes forcefeed my 8 year old medicine. It takes at least 2 people (when he needed an x ray- 4 people holding him down couldn't manage it). It's VERY different from piling babyrice into a baby who keeps sticking their tongue out

Some children can have a very oversensitive gag reflex and you have to shovel food into them to get over that. (the gag reflex diminishes in part from having stuff in their mouth- ds2 never mouthed things- and his was around for a long long time, had I waited until it had gone before feeding him he would have been about 18 months).

As for SS removing a child for having purees at 17 weeks I've met quite a few SW - and many have been slightly hopeless and bit gormless, but not THAT far off the mark.

If he couldn't sit up she would have been better feeding him in a bouncy chair, but I don't think it really rates as child cruelty.

it sounds more like she was feeding him puree rather than forcing it..so i wouldn't worry too much

at all in fact