Competitive Weaning (pointless rant alert)

[twocatsonthebed]

So here I am, dd is five months old and I have no intention of feeding her anything other than milk until 6 months, partly because I have eczema, and partly just because.

But in the group of local mothers I know (from antenatal classes, NCT etc) there seems to be some strange competition going on as to whose baby 'needs' food the earliest. They are heavy, they have stopped sleeping (the idea of a growth spurt, or that babies don't always sleep through, don't seem to have arrived here yet). My particular low point occurred when one other mother rang me up at 9am to tell me at for ten long rambling minutes about how her 17 week old was more than ready for food, on account of showing signs like chewing his fist and watching her eat. And here I was thinking that these were just signs of being a baby.

Gah, what on earth do I do in the face of all this nonsense? I can't say anything, because they already think I am a bit strange because I use cloth nappies and don't think the health visitors word is law. But I'm getting really bored of the implication that their babies are better or more advanced. And as for mentioning BLW, which we intend to do...

But really, I am finding the worst thing about being a mother is the constant need to squash down my opinions and not say anything at all about anything controversial. Or even uncontroversial like weaning. Either that or not have what passes for a social life. Although that's starting to seem like an attractive option. Any advice? Sympathy? Or would you like to move to the south west and be my friend instead?

said before, but

everyone thought i was mad because my baby was not having any mushy stuff and only started on 'real' food when she could take it off my plate and put it in her mouth at 8 months. she now at 2 years can use a knife and fork and spoon, cup and eats (sometimes) as much as my other children (3 & 6).

as long as baby is eating varied diet at 1 years and not just drinking milk (formula or breast), then that's all what the HV's/midwives care about!

have faith as long as you know what is right for your baby, you don't need to keep justifying to everyone.

whenever anyone says "i'm using karmel's book because she knows best for my child at 4 months" i try and keep calm and smile, but when they then add "we're weaning baby because breastmilk just isn't enough for them anymore" that's when i see red!

I would never offer an opinion on baby feeding unless asked very specifically for one - my tolerance level for other people's opinions even when based on nothing has grown and grown, but it takes practice to reach this serene and restful state of being . I nearly lost a good friend who told me she had to give her baby top ups of formula after every feed because her breastmilk was poor quality, and a cousin was on non-speaking terms with me for quite some time after I ventured to 'educate' her....

Friends are for listening to, not for educating....unless they actually ask to be educated.

Just carry on doing what you're doing, make no secret of why if asked, and leave it at that

Just MHO, but based on experience

Oooh I use cloth nappies, hate Tesco's, waited for 6 months and LOVE the west country! When can I move down???? Like you I'm getting a bit fed up feeling I have to keep quiet about my 'odd' weaning habits (BLW) and feel a bit of an outcast when I'm referred to at the under ones club as the one who 'won't do purees' by both mothers and HVs. They make a point of asking me how it's going (not in a nasty way, just in a kind of bemused way) and if lo's only eaten half a toast soldier (and dribbled most of that out) in one day I do feel a bit shit.

But then today there were huge pieces of courgette and carrot in her nappy (apparently - DH always does 1st nappy of the day) and so I feel hooray, I'm not some wild outlandish freak doing her child great harm. But I agree, as a first time mother trying to make freinds with other mothers, it would be nice to sometimes fit in (never thought I'd feel like a teenager again).

I rant to my mum soemtimes about thigns liket topping up etc

she just sighs and sayd 'enid this says more aobut you than them its not your battle, let them do what they like'

so annoying but true

yes, I think the answer (and this is seriously what we hope to be doing) is to move to a different town with a far higher proportion of lentil weavers!

manictigger - come on down, it's lovely here (or at least it will be when we've moved). Am very impressed you've even told the HV about BLW, I was just going to get on with it and say nothing (our HV isn't that interested in me, an attitude I return...)

When i said to this lady i know who is 73 that dd wasn't eating solids yet she replied 'why ever not? 3 months and we would start giving them solids in my day dear!'

IOTC - meant to say in response to your earlier post, I think some of the rush is because of returning to work at 6 months - they want to be the ones who start them on solids, and I can't really blame them for that

dd2 is 8 weeks old and my Dad asked me at the weekend if she'd be having solids soon! Stunned silence when I told him we'd be waiting til she's 6 months old.

educating them was probably the wrong thing to say.

If a friend was telling me all this as a concern I would say that really what she is describing is normal - there really is no need to wean, babies are best on milk only. If she said that she was going to start solids anyway I wouldn't try and persuade her otherwise.

I would have no qualms in saying that I was not going to wean before 6 months because that is current guidance. I certainly would not squash down my opinions. I probably would opt to see this friend less if that is all she can talk about!

twocatsinthebed - move to falmouth, full of lentil and yoghurt weavers down 'ere!

Well she would have done Icing. can't expect old ladies to keep up with new weaning information.

I agree with Tiktok. as always.

Don't go around trying to educate your friends. You'll just appear to be a smug up your own arse evangelist. Tell them if their interested.

go smiley

You seem kinda touchy this morning Enid - I didn't raelise my post came over as dictatorial.

Why are they going on to you then if they don't want to know.

I'd probably tell her to fck off

it was just the educating thing mears

must remember NEVER to enter the Weaning Room

Don't know what the hell I'm doing here either

Actually I sort of wish I hadn't mentioned BLW to my HVs because they do remember and target me with the 'what's she been eating?' question every time I go to the clinic. I don't know whether it's because they're worried for lo's health or because they're genuinely interested in what is involved in BLW. One did suggest she should be having more meat (perhaps she was looking a little pale that day...?) but definitely not pork!!? (reasons anyone?) And I'm just too honest and should waffle vaguely more often.

And I'm thinking of just joining other non-baby clubs or evening classes to meet people with similar interests - hopefully some of them will have young children but at least we won't just end up talking babies all the time because that's all we have in common.

think weaning is practically turning into a GCSE level...

no wonder parents feel they have to keep justifying their stratergies!

There are lots of people weaning early at my baby group too. Often accompanied by nervous laughter when saying how they now get bettr sleep. I don't say anything at all. Different choices, doesn't mean we can't get on and the most important thing for me is going somwhere each week where nobody expects to have a conversation without a baby screaming in the middle! Mind you I don't seem to get asked about weight etc anymore, probably because I've had ds weighed about 3 times in his life (birth, few days after and a routine check) and would quite like to have a ritual buring of red books. The thing about these groups is that a large number are first time mums and not all are confident in their insincts, have MN to tell them when their HV is talking rubbish and sometimes are just shy and want to be able to talk about somthing and compare notes on something. Once the birth and bf talk settles down weaning is the next thing! I think I'm just a very unparanoid first time mum, as long as he's alive I'm happy
My HV told me about weaning parties they are going to have here to show us how to spend hours of our lives making special baby gunk food and freezing it so we can obsess about how many ice cubes of mush we are giving our babies. I told her I was planning on giving ds what I eat minus the salt. She's not been back since...funny that....

I hate the sheer competitiveness of how early you can shove food down a babies throat, little X was ready for solids at 8 weeks as she was gulping down 24 9 ozs bottles in a day and was never satisfied, this must mean that she is more advanced than other babies. How can a 8 week old be advanced they can barely hold their own heads up?

I never directly spoke about weaning or breastfeeding unless someone asked me. Hardly ever got them weighed and stayed away from HVs like the plague.

Manictigger - I'm completely with you on the evening classes. I would just love to do some kind of daytime class where you could bring a baby and no one would be worried. Most 'activities' round us are of the 'music with mummy' kind, that seem to involve at best boredom, at worst active suffering for the parent. I do one mother and baby yoga class, which we do both enjoy, but other than that, it's small talk and bad coffee all the way. But this is perhaps a whole other thread. Or possibly even a business idea.

Mears - she's a bit of an odd one generally this woman and, while not actually telling her where to put her weaning spoon, I did get her off the phone quite rudely and have been trying to avoid her ever since.

I used to have a friend (well, postnatal group acquaintance) who went on and on at me about what vegetables she was squashing for her DS and how much he ate of them and what they looked like in his nappy. Luckily she moved (to another country). I just used to smile, then change the subject.

Seriously though - endless talk of various combinations of root vegetables. I never saw her alone...in case she pureed bits of me and fed them to her DS along with swede, butternut squash and parsnip.

lol. That's the sad thing, it would be funny, if only they didn't all take it so damn seriously...