She just doesn't eat!

[RumpledStiltskin]

My daughter is ten months old. For four sodding months I've been offering and offering and offering food, and it's been unbearably slow progress. She will play with food, even sometimes taste it, then spit it back out and throw the rest on the floor. She will tolerate one or two spoonfuls, then clamps her mouth shut, wants the spoon, jams the wrong end in her mouth and screams if I try and take it away, move it, or spoon something round it. Lunch today: she licked a piece of tomato, crumbled up some boiled egg slices, sucked a rice cake then spat it out when it went soggy, and refused to let me spoon anything in. This is typical.

I know it happens at their own pace. But she's ten months old. We're still on playing and tastes like a seven months old. I'm losing the will to live here and I don't know what to do.

I don't doubt that's standard. But my baby isn't eating any of those meals you describe. She's not going to last from 7am-3pm by licking, squashing and spitting out food. If she was eating a standard amount I wouldn't have started this thread!

I'm guessing she isn't much of a fan of the food you are offering her. DD1 was a terrible eater and always chose milk over food (still does at just over two). DD2 is a month younger than your child but eats more than DD1 for every meal already and has mostly dropped her milk. It is probably because they are just different children but the second time round I went for just getting her to eat rather than focusing on everything being healthy and probably not overly tasty. I thought DD2 would end up not liking healthy foods but it is the opposite so far, as she has realised food (generally) tastes nice and is very willing to try everything and anything. I also read the book, Getting The Little Blighters To Eat, and tried to follow it as much as possible so I didn't inadvertently do any of the things I had been doing without realising when I weaned DD2.

Fuzzy Maybe. I'm not sure. We've tried quite a range over the four months!

Do consider reading the book though as I found it really helpful but I also think peer pressure is a wonderful thing with children and eating, so you might well find she eats lots at nursery even if you continue to have the same worries at home.

Will take a look - thanks for the recommendation!

You could also try having her grandparents make the food and feed it to her. That seems to have a miraculous effect on my son's appetite

My DD wouldn't eat anything. Believe me I tried everything. I'd have loved her to eat crisps or chocolate ice-cream after a year of near complete food refusal.

She was 2 before she had more than a few bites, now at 3.5 she genuinely eats a good balanced diet. OP do try to relax, it's unbelievably hard. Like you I got lots of advice not to breastfeed during the day- but even on my work days she wouldn't eat (would have water). I think she just didn't connect hunger with food until she was older.

DD didn't eat when I started weaning her. We did both purées & finger food but she really wasn't interested. I watched in fascination once when my NCT friends were around and their DC shovelled food in or open their mouths in expectation of the approaching spoon. DD just sat there. She continued to feed every 3hrs (including during the night) & just gradually got better... but it really was gradual. She went from 91st centile (a real Buddha baby) to 9th and only grew 1cm between 18mths & 30mths...and then grew 6cm in the next month.
She's now almost 8, one of the tallest in her class, slim & very sporty. She also eats a very varied diet and is willing to try anything.
There is hope! Food really is for fun until 1, BM is one of the best food sources there is & it probably isn't a problem if she continues to have that as her main source of food for a good few months yet.
5yo DS who was much more enthusiastic about weaning (he actually opened his mouth!) is the fussy one.

By the way, I wasn't as calm going through this with DD as I sound looking back on it. She was PFB and we saw all sorts of paediatricians & dietitians.

Thank you all again for sharing your experience. I'm feeling a bit better. I'm managing to stay calm whilst we're all round the table and she's merrily singing at her sweet potato - came here for a bit of a howl! I'll keep at it. May be back if she's not better by her birthday!

I don't think BF every 3 hours is particularly unusual for a 10 month old - my DD certainly fed that much and I can't see DS being on any less by then. So if you're ok with it, I wouldn't actively change that bit.

I've skimmed the thread so sorry if I'm repeating but are you offering her whatever you're having? I'd set down breakfast/lunch/dinner exactly as you're having, maybe some extra fruit/veg sticks if needed, let her play with it and taste it etc, and then clear away once you've finished and she seems to be done.

Try not to stress about it (easier said than done I know!) but rather than thinking about what she's eating, try to think about the meal experience as a whole (I'm cringing as I type that!). So prepare the meal, you both sit down to eat it, keep it lighthearted and then clear it away.

Good luck!

Good luck OP. I really think its all about milk still and the "food" is just exploration.

If she needs it, she'll eat it. Its really hard to relax about it I know, especially when its your first and you haven't travelled along the road before and have no idea if the road is the right one or if heaven forbid you have taken a terrible wrong turning somewhere.

She'll start eating more at some point. Then you'll be pleased.

Then when she is about 2 she'll realise we adults have a LOT invested in what children eat. So she will start using it as one of her many battle grounds for control. I refer my honourable readers to the cutted up pear thread.

Onwards and upwards, it doesn't end. My youngest is 6 now. He does alright with fruit and veg in that he eats a few things, although I always have to nag him and he still thinks the simple carrot some kind of poison. I have just scared the c**p out of him by showing him Google images of people with rickets and scurvy. He certainly ate his greens up tonight .

DS didn't eat until he was 1. DD was 10 months. Both were and are absolutely fine, although DS is going through an increasingly fussy stage now at nearly 4. I nearly lost my mind with DS but worried a lot less with DD. Who at 13 months still has a breastfeed every 3 hours even alongside proper meals some days. (DS was every 1.5 hours at 10 months. So I count myself lucky)

Rumpled I could have written your post when my DS was that age. Eventually he started eating, albeit not on the scale that other people's babies were eating. He was also a bottle refuser and wouldn't even have water. I was at my wits' end. I'm sorry to say that he is still a shockingly fussy eater now, he has hungry days and not hungry days and has a pretty narrow range of things he will eat.

The only consolations I can offer you are that 1) he eats pretty well at nursery so I don't worry too much about the breadth of his diet 2) he's pretty good at vegetables and fruit and 3) DD (his 10 month old younger sister) flipping loves her food. Today she cried when her spaghetti bolognese ran out.

I don't doubt that's standard. But my baby isn't eating any of those meals you describe
That's because she is getting all of her calories from and filling up on milk.

Lapin You're putting the cart before the horse. I'm breastfeeding her because she doesn't eat, not the other way round. Your schedule involves eating something every two-three hours. She is offered food two- three hours after a breastfeed. She doesn't eat it. Obviously, I then offer milk. You can't seriously be suggesting I just leave her without anything if she doesn't eat to try and starve her into it? As people on this thread have said, that just leads to a hysterically hungry baby.

Everyone sensible, thank you for your reassurance.

My youngest was similar. By that point she was on formula, which made it easier to reduce milk consumption enough to make her a bit hungry but not hysterically so. Around 13 months she had a spurt and started to eat a bit more but she has always been and continues to be a very selective eater at 10. We've always concentrated on making healthy options familiar, so although she doesn't eat a variety, what she does eat is relatively healthy. So if there are one or two foods that she takes better than others, keep offering them but also have other foods available for her to experiment and play with and eventually they start to become familiar and tolerated. Social influence is very important so as a baby and toddler she was allowed to eat of my plate as well, even though it was exactly the same as her own.

I have no idea why anyone would suggest withholding BM ( high in calories , perfectly balance nutrition ) to persuade a baby to eat puréed fruit or carrot sticks

OP, please don't set a date of her birthday as when you are going to get even more anxious. As long as she is growing and has plenty energy then she's fine. If she doesn't eat a bite of food between now and Christmas she will be perfectly healthy on BM alone.

I have six kids and the one who started eating food latest ( at about 13 months ) is the best eater and least fussy of them all.

The one who was cramming in the porridge with his fists at 8 months is the most fussy now.

The one who ate loads of fruit and veg as a baby / toddler is difficult about it now.

They are all different.

Please stop worrying, you are upsetting yourself for nothing. Your baby is perfectly nourished on the BM that you are making for her, you clever thing .

This is from Kellymom - I'm sure you will know it's a very reputable and authoritative site.

"How much should my toddler be eating?"

Some toddlers are eating very few solids, or even no solids, at 12 months. This is not unusual and really depends on your child – there is quite a big variation. We like to see breastmilk making up the majority (around 75%) of baby’s diet at 12 months. Some babies will be taking more solids by 12 months, but others will still be exclusively or almost-exclusively breastfed at this point. It is normal for baby to keep breastmilk as the primary part of his diet up until 18 months or even longer. An example of a nice gradual increase in solids would be 25% solids at 12 months, 50% solids at 18 months, and 80% solids at 24 months.

Some children take a little longer to begin taking solids well. Some of them have food sensitivities and this may be their body’s way of protecting them until their digestive system can handle more. Others are late teethers or have a lot of difficulty with teething pain. At this point there is NOTHING that your milk lacks that your child needs, with the possible exception of enough iron. As long as his iron levels are within acceptable levels and when he does eat you are offering him foods naturally rich in iron, then you have plenty of time before you need to worry about the amount of solids he’s getting

All you need to do is to continue to offer foods. Don’t worry if he’s not interested or takes very small amounts. Your only true responsibility is what you offer, when you offer it and how you offer it, not whether or not he eats it. That has to be up to him. Trying to force, coax, or cajole your child into eating is never recommended. Continue to nurse on demand, day and night, and trust your child to increase the solids when he’s ready. As baby slowly moves into eating more solids, your milk will fill any nutritional gaps nicely

kellymom.com/nutrition/starting-solids/toddler-foods/#howmuch

I agree with Kr1stina's posts and the Kellymom quote - great advice.

I'd really try not to spoon stuff into her because it'll make you stressed when she refuses. Load a spoon if you want to, even put it in her hand if she's interested. Otherwise just serve up balanced interesting food, put a bit on her high hair tray and let her take the lead. I'm sure she'll get there!

put a bit on her high hair tray
You're have no idea how apt this typo is!

Sorry I didn't even realise I'd typed that!

Not sure if you're still checking in but I saw this and thought of you:

themilkmeg.com/my-kid-wont-eat/

Late to the discussion but word for word this exactly describes my 10 month old as well ... and I'm starting back part time at work next week. She's my second and my first took immediately to weaning so this is a shock. The schedule Lapin described above would be my 1st DD to a tee but this one no chance. I have tried to space breastfeeds but as you say she would just end up hungry/ angry/ upset and still not eat. The only things I've found she really likes is breadsticks dipped in cream cheese and some fruit (peaches and strawberries). Even then we are only talking tiny amounts consumed. My in laws think it is my fault for 'still' breastfeeding.

No great advice from me but some solidarity and thank you for articulating my frustration/ worry. Also - great links posted.

Moonrise Good luck next week and please come back and let me know how it goes! I'm starting to accept there's not a lot we can do to persuade them to 'get it' anything faster, but it's still a worry!

Will do Rumpled. I had the health visitor over and her suggestions were all things I do anyway. I really don't think we can do anything other than giving opportunities to experience different foods and hope things improve with time. But yes I do worry!