How is it we've come so far removed from instinctive feeding of babies?

[Bumperrlicious]

I did blw so am probably a little bit biased but I saw my sis this weekend. My nephew is nearly 9 months and feed soley on jars, with occasional finger food.

I started extolling the virtues (imo) of blw, and was telling her how dd1 ate just what we were having for evening meals. She seemed really surprised. I was reeling off ideas for her and even after I kept saying he could eat anything (within reason) she said things like 'oh, is he allowed to have cheese?'.

Is it that baby food companies have made it so ingrained that babies need 'baby' food? Even dh was at it. When I tried to give dd1 an organix biscuit at 7 months when the box said 9mo+ he wasnt happy about her having it. I pointed out that the night before she had eaten tuna and noodles which many people wouldn't give before 9 months, what did he think would happen?

Incidentally the day I saw my sister she gave he ds pasta for the first time which he had great fun with! I did warn her not to suddenly just stop the jars as he was used to 3 meals a day & will take him a while to learn to feed himself normal food.

I have already had the "But you must use purees, or she won't get the nutrition she needs" speech from my Mum. "Yes she will, because i'm still breastfeeding" didn't convince her though - she then went on about iron deficiency...

I had an interesting chat with my Mum today. She hates he idea of feeding DS out and about because it would feel odd. When she had me she was told that with jars of baby food and formula the world was her oyster as a female as all these manufactured products were so much better for baby and she could go back to work without worrying about anything. I think the jars and ff marketing in the 1970's really disconnected mums then from their instinctive feeding of their children.

I think what people lose sight of is initial 'weaning' is just a supplement to the milk the baby is drinking. Getting the baby to get used to the tastes and feels of different food.

How much or little the baby eats should be led by the baby itself and plenty of milk still offered initially imo.

I'll be using blw for a third time with DC3 and just offering a variety of foods for her to try at mealtimes depending on what we are eating.

I'll be starting somewhere between 5 and 6 months and will be led by her as to when she is ready.

:-)

oh god you're all so smug. Make your own choices and let other people make theirs.

I don't actually know anyone who uses jars the whole time, but they are convenient for out and about sometimes. I make all DD2's food myself, usually the same as we're having, sometimes mashed up a bit. She's 8 months. But if we're eating out I'll often take an Ella's Kitchen pouch for her. It's easy and no mess. She might try a bit of what I'm having, but I don't know how much salt the restaurant might have put in it, and I don't want to leave an enormous mess under the highchair for some poor waitress to clear up.

The only place I ever see/hear of mums forcefeeding their poor neglected children baby food is on BLW threads on mumsnet!

eyebrow your logic is flawd. historically people would chew food for babies.

ability to eat it is not a guide to 'readiness'

Ladyintheradiator, I agree with the OP in that I would also have been shocked by a SIL only feeding jars and not knowing a 7mo can have cheese, but my point was in my experience people like that are actually few and far between. I think commercial baby foods are a bit of a scam really, and extortionate prices!

But it's comments like:

"I could not stay and see what the mother was doing: virtually force-feeding a 7mo, who clearly was not interested."

and

"why not share your food with your child "

that get my back up, why judge another mum you don't even know?

Edgar that's a bit pedantic of you. I mean that just because a baby can eat baby rice doesn't mean they should whereas when they are ready to eat say, a roasted sweet potato, they probably should.

Who is being smug?!

And I would judge anyone who wouldn't share their food with their child.

Edgar that's a bit pedantic of you. I mean that just because a baby can eat baby rice doesn't mean they should whereas when they are ready to eat say, a roasted sweet potato, they probably should.

Who is being smug?!

And re vickys post- I would judge anyone who wouldn't share their food with their child. Whereas I wouldn't judge if someone does BLW or purees.which is what she was saying too.

Lovely thread. Judgerama! .
Why do people assume that "BLW" is so instinctive? I fully intended to leave weaning til 6 months because that is the advice, not because of instinct. My "instinct" (the fact that ds1 was grabbing food from my hand!) told me to wean at 21 weeks. And my "instinct" told me to mush up food to give to somebody with no teeth! My "instinct" told me to let ds eat whatever he fancied as long as I kept an eye on him.
I felt massively guilty at the time for not doing "BLW", what with being such a groovy co-sleeping, breastfeeding, babywearing, lentil-weaving smugmachine. Then my Auntie said something lovely. "Rod", she said, "As long as you're not shoving the spoon down his throat, it's all baby led. If he doesn't want it, he won't eat it". I felt much better after that. And then she went and fed my treasure custard. I was totally until I saw the look of bliss on my ds's face. We haven't looked back

This thread wasn't meant to be an anti purée rant, really. It's what LITR said, my sister seemed astonished that her 9 mo could have normal food, which I think is down to so much marketing of 'baby' food.

Also you hear some mums complaining that their baby won't let them feed them & keep trying to grab the spoon & I think FFS give them the spoon!

I just think that we don't read our baby's cue very well any more. Incidentally I don't believe that a baby 'watching' you eat is a sign of being ready to wean. My baby watches everything I do, that's what they do! But people so often cite that as a cue.

I agree, DS has watched DH tie his tie in the morning for weeks now, but I don't think he's ready to do one himself. However he did stick his hand in my pasta the other day so maybe he's ready to start exploring food a bit!

I think we've moved away from using our instincts generally tbh.

So many mothers feel they have to follow a book, or what their HV says, or what their mum did. Even though it goes against their instincts. People don't seem to trust their own judgements.

I've lost count of the number of mums I've spoken to over the past 18 months that have made me out to be some sort of oracle or miracle worker, just because I reassured them that the way they want to do it is that way I did it. They've come away from the conversation delighted, simply because someone has "told" them they can do it the way they wanted to all along, and their baby isn't going to blow up.

I've had it with BLW a lot. Mum's moaning about having to spend hours pureeing for their 10mo, and wanting to know when they can give their babies proper food Or worrying because their 5mo doesn't want baby rice. Or fighting with their baby because they want to tuck into a proper meal like mummy. After one conversation with a virtual stranger (i.e me!), they turn around and change things to how they wanted to be doing them all along.

It's sad that people feel they need to be told what to do with their babies. And that people don't have the confidence to do things their own way, without getting the OK from someone. It's even sadder when people don't get support if they need do things a little differently from "everyone else"

Girlfriendinacoma, why is it judgemental to be upset by something you see?

Particularly when it is someone you know doing it, and she has explained her reasons for doing it, so that there are no unknown circumstances that might explain her actions?

I think it has a lot to do with your baby's weight and if they are sleeping though.

Now I know that weaning, is not the magic wand to make your baby sleep, but a lot of people do still think that and for some it works.

I think with letting your baby feed themselves, mums are worried that their baby is not eating enough (cue link to weight gain anxiety) and feel that they have more control over how much their baby eats if they spoon feed.

I agree with the comment about that it really is all BLW even spoon feeding as they are agreeing to eat the food. However, I do not agree with force feeding your child, and I have seen this, but imagine that it is mainly due to weight concerns.

I am lucky to have a big lunker of a boy and he eats what he wants to eat out of the selection we are having for dinner. I think the fact that he is 90th centile has made me more confident to let him eat what he wants or doesn't want. Would I be the same if he was on a lower centile or losing weight? Who knows?

We started on purees and I found making them up a bit of a hassle so did buy jars. It was DS who decided he didn't want them. He just started to refuse to eat them. i was stressed for a bit, but then thought, let him eat what he wants.

I did struggle with BLW (easy to use phrase) as I couldn't find a lot of info about it, but found a blog (think by someone on this forum) which was great and the Murkett and Raply book was brilliant. I think it made me a lot more laid back about the days DS doesn't really eat very much and about things like gagging.

Rodformyownback - I TOTALLY agree 100%!

I have the BLW book and, tbh, find it rather precriptive and preachy... My instinct and, more importantly, my baby, is telling me to start weaning in a week or 2, at 20 weeks. DD is 99.6th centile for weight, was 2 weeks late and is grabbing my food (interestingly, only suitable food!) and actually eating it. So I guess I have sort of started weaning.

That said, the BLW book is v reassuring re choking etc.

Although I wanted to be all purist and only do finger foods, I feel that DD would like some mushed up food as well.. so I'll give it to her and let her have a spoon too! Probably fruit purres in the morning etc.

Surely TRUE BLW is just doing whatever works for YOUR baby.. I think that for my DD thats a combination of mashed foods and finger foods and starting at more like 5 months rather than 6.

Sorry, to responhd properly to the OP, I agree that we have moved really far from our instincts. Its not just true for weaning though, think of people's approach to babies' sleeping etc. I don't think its mothers' faults though, its just a lack of confidence and reflects the fact that we no longer live in a community with our extended families... which means we have no "folklore" of baby care and no help!!

You know that alarm bells feeling you get when you see a mum forcefeeding purees? Thats the feeling I think my mum and MIL get when they see me doing something differently to how they did it (read breastfeeding, not wrapping my LO up in a thousand layers, co-sleeping, not forcing a soother on her etc. yada yada - she's 3 months!!). I do it myself when I read posts on here sometimes. I know too that 5 years down the line, everything I've done will be wrong and no-one will understand how I possibly thought it was ok to do it that way.

When I saw the thread title here it made me think of that Human Planet series (the Tree People).

But people have learnt over the years to be very cautious with babies, there are special rules and we get very scared that we are doing things 'right'!

If a child gets water splashed in her eye she might get scared of water, if a child chokes then eating might make her retch...

rodformyownback, nice post.

No smuggery from here (although I'm on Rod's baby-led weaning, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, lentil-weaving groovy machine!). DS is nearly a year and still doesn't really eat much; he sleeps very badly too and wants to BF through the night (especially on days I'm at work as he eats/drinks even less during the day).

It doesn't seem to be doing him any harm as he's a chubber on the 99th percentile. But I wouldn't have done it if I'd had a magic crystal ball; I'd have followed my instincts and done more of a combination of spoon-feeding and finger foods, as I did with DD. Hey ho. I'm really glad it works out for so many people though.

OP, it's a very interesting discussion. Great marketing from the baby food companies, I suppose.

Hi,
This is a really interesting discussion - I live in France, and here, blw is unheard of as far as I can tell. Since my DD is my first, I started following everything that the paediatrician told me - here, they start weaning at 6 months only and she said it's because there are "studies" (aren't there always!) that say that if you do it earlier, you could give the babies allergies. After that, there is a pretty strict order for what they can eat at each age.

In the end, I have followed my instincts, heavily based on her advice - I give some solid foods from time to time like bread and fruit, especially if DD reaches for them on my plate. At the same time, I make purees at home for her other meals, which she LOVES - reading that purees are like force feeding makes me because it's a generalisation. Every baby is so different that judging any other mum in the street or cafe is a real shame - all mums do their best, I'm sure....

Purees are not like force-feeding. It's the adult that makes them so by insisting that the child eats that particular purée at that particular time and in that particular quantity.

Yes, I see the difference - luckily for me, when DD sees the plate or pot, she gets really excited!:) I just hope my instincts are right and she won't have problems eating lumps later on...