I really don’t want to go back

[Detoxify]

As the thread title says. Christmas has been great, I have lovely family and friends. It’s been spoilt by feelings of anxiety and a dread of going back. I would quite happily never see anyone again from school. I know I need to get out, but feelings of being impatient about it are creeping in.
Thank you for reading.

I'm sorry you feel this way - it's horrible not wanting to return to work (beyond what is considered normal).

Is it the particular school you are in? If so, would working towards changing schools help? There are great schools out there so if the one you are in isn't right, it's worth looking elsewhere.

Or is it the job itself? If so, that is more complicated but you could make a list of your skills/experiences and look at relevant roles - maybe civil service/local council would be a good place to start?

In the short term, what would make things slightly easier next week?

I like to be well prepared- if that would help, maybe set aside a couple of hours to get organised for your first week back.

Plan something nice to do for this Sunday to avoid the back to work anxiety or something for the following weekend to look forward to.

Something I do, mainly due to having generalised anxiety, is each day, I note at least one positive from my working day - it might be small but there will be something.

I hear you. I don't want to go back either. It's just horrendous - 15 hour days, stress, pressures, angry parents, SLT who bury their heads in the sand and look after themselves.

My only thoughts are that:
a) I can just keep seeing out time, and plan an exit.
b) If it gets too much and I get ill, I can go off sick and get sick pay.
c) I can leave (but not a clue what else I could do).
d) Resign and do supply, whilst thinking about what to do.

I do want my summer holiday money though 😲

Thank you both for your thoughtful posts. I appreciate the time taken to reply.
My problem is that it’s become so bad, that I wouldn’t even consider anything involving children. Whereas before, I might have looked in to tutoring or some type of childcare, I want to leave the whole industry behind.
I am normally so organised but I can’t even reach for the laptop. I saw a meme about assemblies in school, and rather than being funny (as was the intention) I totally went within myself, feeling anxious.
I tell myself I need to get a grip and be stronger. I will, ready for next week, but it feels insurmountable at the moment.

I was where you are now this time last year. I took a chance and moved to an RI school (previously had only worked at outstanding schools), and it's been such a positive change. I get 2 hours extra PPA per week, there's a bigger focus on CPD which eats heavily into directed team meaning fewer evening events than I'm used to. I'm in quite a poor area and find the parents to either not give a shit or are very pro education without the insane pressure I'm used to so my inbox is manageable. Staff work together. It obviously has its problems but my workload is better (I'm a HOD, leave at 5 every evening and don't work weekends or evenings) and I actually feel valued. I was so worried about taking this job but it was the best decision I ever made.

What is it specifically that is the problem? I really love teaching and my school and the pupils are generally a delight. Perhaps there is a specific problem at your school?

There are many problems - understaffed, behaviour problems, not getting break.

I have had enough and don’t want to try another school.
Thank you for replying. Am hoping I can leave the profession this year and get through next week.

I work in a nice village primary school, great colleagues and the HT is realistic. Few people leave our school.

I've been there since 2001 (teaching since 1996) and I'm totally done with education now.

Entitled kids, demanding and ungrateful parents.

I'm leaving in July. Taking my pension and going to do something totally different part time, just for a few years to boost my career pension and give me a bit of structure to my week!

I've lost all passion for the job. I'm bored, I don't find any joy in it anymore so I know I need to leave.

Like you I don't want to go back on Monday but I've got an exit plan so it's slightly more bearable.

@BG2015 I am in a similar position to you, and my school started off like you describe.

I don’t have an exit plan in terms of a job lined up but I have mentally accepted a pay cut and giving up the holidays, and I am fine with it. I have lost all passion for it and am stuck in a negative mindset with the system.

I wish you well in your exit plan and hope you find something which fulfils you again.

@Detoxify how old are you? I'll be 56 & 6 months when I retire.

I too have no job yet but we have downsized and the mortgage has gone.

I'm terrified of ending a nearly 30 year career but know I have no love for it anymore. Staff meetings are so dull and I find myself ignoring much of it.

I've been quiet quitting for months. Don't do any clubs or volunteer for anything now. I'm sure I'm moaned about but I truly don't care!

Good luck 🥰

@BG2015 thank you for replying.
I’m not a million miles behind you but not retirement age.
I feel the same and find myself thinking in staff meetings that there’s more to life than endless amounts of paperwork that’ll never mean anything.
Hopefully this year there’ll be an answer for us both ☺️

Have you joined the Life After Teaching, exit the classroom and thrive fb group? I absolutely understand. I've left the classroom to a very large extent (xero hours contract) but had that dread for many many years, even though I loved lots of aspects of the job.

@Mumwithbaggage yes I did a few years ago. I left the group because it just seemed to be hundreds in the same position and only a few who made it out. The ones who made it out had specific skills. I don’t have those so it left me feeling a bit defeated. That’s probably just how I feel at the moment.

This really resonated with me. ‘Negative mindset’ really stayed with me - I think this is where I am.
I really really don’t enjoy the job.

I think I am the problem as much as the broken system, and I think ‘negative mindset’ sums it up. I try to manifest, say positive things, remind myself it’s just a job… but it’s only my 5th year and all passion and enthusiasm has gone. (You would not be able to tell - I am very Pollyanna ish at school, as it’s a terrible enough system for my lovely kids, they don’t need a negative teacher to go with it.)

@Darrellstclares I’m sorry to hear you feel that way after 5 years. I too think that my class don’t deserve a negative teacher, and I really try as it’s not their fault. That in itself is exhausting. I don’t know what the future will hold but I have hope I can leave it behind.
I wish you all the best 🙂

I'm a member of the Exit the Classroom Facebook group (& another one Adventures after Teaching too) the Exit one is so depressing. It's just awful what some people have to put up with in their schools.

I've never really had to deal with any toxicity which I'm thankful for.

The Pit Pony podcasts are also interesting too, I've been listening to them whilst I've been on holiday and it does make you realise you can get out and survive.

Thank you @BG2015. I have joined the Facebook group today, although last time I joined I did find it hard.
I am going to listen to those, or there’s a video I believe? I am determined to feel useful and be happy again.

I could have written your post, @Detoxify . I have spent the holidays with a growing level of anxiety and whilst I can push it to one side somehow during the day, it's still really always there bubbling under the surface. At night-3/4/5am it pings back into my mind and I wake up with a pounding heart and feeling of total dread ☹️.

I've been teaching for over 25 years in several schools/roles, so know it's not a change of school I need. I've been on the 'Exit the classroom' Facebook group a lot which validates how I feel but makes me feel worse sometimes. The advice on there is great, but I don't think I have the confidence to go through 20 interviews for the CS and I don't want to do supply or tutoring. DH suggested, 'going to work for the council' but it's not that easy. Unless you are a 'thing' (occupational therapist, IT support, social worker etc) there seems to be nothing. Otherwise it's minimum wage jobs in retail or care.

I feel broken by the system and jealous of non-teaching peers who are going into their 50s into a period of seniority, good work-life balance, WFH and high pay. I feel like I'm heading into a danger-zone, where workload and stress is through the roof and increasing every term, and I've been dealt a marked card now as an expensive teacher 'of a certain age'. I know so many expensive colleagues have been slowly managed out through capability which has broken them. I don't want to have to take anti-depressants, when I know I would feel 100% fine if I gave up work tomorrow.

I can't keep feeling like this for 20 years till retirement age though,

@Shinyandnew1 I want to give you hope (after being in tears this morning and telling my husband what a letdown I feel)
I watched the Pit Pony video on YouTube. I cried, but I feel a shift in my attitude and mindset. If you haven’t seen it, take an hour out of your day to watch it.
I too have a very similar story to yours, and all of those feelings.
We are valuable to someone somewhere. I have accepted that my lifeboat out might be retail, cleaning, tutoring and I might even enjoy it! Nothing is forever. This is a new year and I always live by; if it’s not working for me, change it.
Sending you hope and courage to do what is right and look after yourself. 💐

I have watched the Pit Pony video-it really didn't help. The fact that after 25 years of a professional career, my 'out' would have to be a myriad of minimum wage jobs and throwing away a future pension is just depressing. I work part time now and would need to end up working full time in a minimum wage job to earn less than I do now. It doesn't excite me, just makes me feel even more trapped :(

@Shinyandnew1 I understand and that’s exactly what’s making me feel trapped. I value my health though and I would like to sleep. At the moment, I have neither of these things so have decided to take action. It’s now or never for me.
I hope that you are able to find a way that works for you.

Could you maybe look at finding a career coach to help you plot an escape route? Yes, there’s probably a lot of teachers in their late 40s early 50s wanting to get out of teaching. But they won’t have your exact set of experiences and skills. You could explore some alternatives and make a plan. There’s loads of books and advice available. Take an adventure!

I am sorry you’re feeling like this OP. I was in your situation last year but off with stress by this point. I joined the exit the classroom group on FB and found it really helpful.
I won’t pretend that it was easy to find a non teaching job, it wasn’t! I must have applied for over 50 jobs and had about 20 interviews. It was very tough and there were times when I was really worried that I’d never get another job. I persevered and was eventually successful. I can’t begin to tell you how much better my life is now. I’m really enjoying my new role and I feel valued and I’m actually praised. My mental health has improved massively. I actually had a nightmare that I had ended up back in teaching again and I woke up in a cold sweat! I never want to go go back after the experience I had. My only regret is not leaving sooner. I also personally know around 8 people who joined the FB and who are now living life in their various non teaching roles. 3 of them are doing the same role as me! Hopefully that will inspire you to start applying. Good luck!

Well done in eventually finding a job outside teaching! Can you say what it is please?

@Meredusoleil I work for the civil service now. I was just a regular classroom teacher so didn’t have any additional skills or qualifications. There are loads of ex teachers in the civil service. I applied for a few before managing to get an interview. There are lots of videos on YouTube to help you understand the application process.

👏