livid with my child's school!!!

[user1457028146]

So for over a month now my oldest child who is 8 years old and usually loves school and refuses to stay home sick has been sent home nearly everyday for vomiting. We have taken him to several doctors... No one knows what is going on with him.... He recently told the doctor he poops blood now and then, so they did a fecal smear test ( if you have had one of these you know it's painful and no child would continue to be sick if they were faking after that)
He also told us his stomach " burns " a lot.. He says he tells his teacher and she tells him he is lying and to sit back down... We have an appointment tomorrow and he will be checked for ulcers ( I'm sure that's what it is) but I'm pissed because this stupid woman could t even be bothered to inform me that my child was making this complaint.... I am currently trying to get in touch with her to ask her myself if he is complaining of a burning sensation yet she won't return my phone calls or emails.... She could have written a note informing me of this. But no... She just tells him he is faking... Now my son hates going to school because his teacher calls him a liar, and refuses to call on him when he is trying to be a good student and raise his hand to answer a question.... I am ready to just home school him!!!

[starry0ne]

I keep reading about your 8 year old can't be expected to tell you.. I have an 8 year old who has always be taught to never ever lie about health.. WE have gone through phases of telling lies and yet he does understand this is something he must never lie about..

[Scone1nSixtySeconds]

With the best will in the world, I hope it isn't type 1 - it's a horrid disease and has changed Ds's life forever. He was diagnosed on his 9th birthday.

However if there's a chance it is it needs to ruled out as it can be fatal all too easily.

Off to bed now, but I will check in tomorrow and hope that all has gone well x

[BertrandRussell]

"Bertandrussell- I'm sure my son would agree with you on that lmao but yes I've had it done before. This is just how our military hospitals get the sample. If they go to do it again I'll have him sedated. But I won't stop them from running a medically necessary test."

Even though it's not how anyone else, including the Mayo Clinic, do it? And it's contrary to common sense? You would rather he was sedated than you insisted on them getting a stool sample the way every other hospital and clinic in the world does it? Jesus wept.

[mathanxiety]

There was a mention of faking in that email and that is why they won't talk to you now. It wasn't neutral, and I suspect there was communication before the email that made them flag you too. It looks like you are fishing for something to use against them when you insinuate they have been lax (by bringing up the matter of faking).

You mixed up your concern with the teacher's performance with concern for your son and the result is you have not got information you insist you need from the school. You need to rein it in considerably or you will put the doctors off you too.

I am pretty sure they did a rectal exam and they weren't after a stool sample. It may have happened that there was a sample of stool there when they did the exam.

It is up to you to tell the doctors anything your son has reported. They are only missing a piece of the puzzle (that you assume it is highly relevant but you are not a doctor and you don't know that for certain -- it's not your place to decide what is clinically relevant after all) because somewhere along the line your son has picked up a horror of doctors that keeps him from telling about bloody stools, and because you didn't mention it even though you knew it happened. You know it happened in school or you wouldn't be threatening to assault the teacher about ignoring it.

Here's an idea -- why not start another thread about the horrible American schools and their greasy food, terrible teachers, forcing parents to put their kids on medication, and refusal to teach at junior high level when the rest of the class is in 3rd grade...

[mathanxiety]

Starry, I agree with that observation. My own DCs were the same as some have asthma, and they understood they had to be truthful about their symptoms even if they thought they would miss something nice due to needing medication or needing to stay away from known allergens.

[user1457028146]

Starryone- he KNOWS he will miss school. He will do ANYTHING including lie about health in order to go. He had pneumonia once ( bronchitis turned into it) and he would literally hide his coughing, take the thermometer out when you weren't looking... Anything to get me to let him go to school... He is smart enough to understand that the more he complains the more he has to go to the doctor and the more school he will miss... But since he is 8 he doesn't look at things long term. But short term just like any young child. He doesn't think about it in the long term affect like you or I would. He just knows " I'm going to go to school today " he doesn't care about tomorrow or next week... Even the doctor hewed him out about hiding the bloody poo... And my son told them " I would have missed more school"..... When you have a child who thinks ALOT but not about long term results, these are the issues you run into.

[ilovesooty]

So if he loves going to school I imagine he won't fancy home schooling.
However, given your attitude I imagine the school would welcome such a decision.

[MumTryingHerBest]

user1457028146 can I suggest that you consider what you have put in your post: "He will do ANYTHING including lie"

In light of this what makes you think he is telling the truth when he says he is telling the teacher about his stomache pains?

Is it possible that he is not telling the teacher about them in case he gets sent home and then has to miss school?

[user1457028146]

Mathanxiety- while I'm happy for you that your children will come running to you over every tiny detail, my children are raised to be more independent.... My oldest is quite a private person so I'm sure speaking of his poo would be rather embarrassing for him. As his face turned red at the mention of his poo at the hospital... The reason the faking it was mentioned is because when his teacher and I had last spoken about the vomiting we both were talking about possibilities of faking this or forcing himself to puke. ( because the puking happens after lunch) I also ask if he seemed upset and if he was getting along with his peers. ( had a incident were a child was threatening to kill him in his sleep last month because they both wanted to be friends with the same child and the boy doing the threatening has already had issues with violence in the past)
So yes we had both had a conversation about the possibility that he could be faking- which I assured her then that he hates doctors ( always has since he was little ) and wouldn't do anything to have to go, and gets upset about not being able to go....

And again they did a fecal smear test- they were not looking for rips or scratches or a fisher- they didn't even LOOK at his little butt hole I was right there and I have had a fecal smear preformed EXACTLY the same way...
You were not there... You do not know... The doctor said " we are going to do a fecal smear test to check for blood in his fecal matter"
Probably should mention I do have experience in the medical field, my mother is a nurse and paramedic as well.. As I have paramedic training as well.

I know exactly what was done. And knew what was going on every step of the way... Just because you haven't had this done like this doesn't mean our military hospital does not perform it like this... In a ER like we were in this is normal. Because they can not wait for a bowel movement they need to know right then...
Obviously you think this teacher shouldn't have to inform parents of anything going on in the class room. I'm sure if you were in this situation ( God forbid you ever have this problem with your kids health) you would be pissed if the school neglect to inform you of anything.... I'm sure if your child had issues with asthma or even an asthma attack at school and they didn't inform you that you would be livid...
My suggestion to you is that you stop playing the " I know it all " card and show your medical doctorate before you try to tell me how a test is preformed... How about this - call your local ER and ask them what they would do if someone came in complaining of rectal bleeding... Then come back and you can apologize. Until then please go troll someone else.


Ilovesooty- I have ask him about homeschooling on the computer and he says he would prefer going to school. But he is tired of being sent home at the same time.
He has ask me why thy won't let him be there the next day, and ask if they even wanted him there because they won't let him back within 24 hours of puking.

Mumtryingherbest- yes this is a possibility that's why I emailed and called the teacher to ask her , as well as left messages with the principle. That's why I ask in the email if he was complaining of any pains and if so how often.

[MumTryingHerBest]

user1457028146 you put in your original post I'm pissed because this stupid woman could t even be bothered to inform me that my child was making this complaint

So you are pissed off at the teacher despite the fact that it is quite possible that your DC may not be telling the truth.

You should also bear in mind the point you made:

Now my son hates going to school because his teacher calls him a liar

You have also said he is a liar in you posts.

If you son is know to lie, how will the teacher know when he is telling the truth?

[user1457028146]

Mumtryingherbest -- anytime you have a student who is having medical problems it is common sense that even if your not sure if it's real or not, you inform the parents. And with his vomiting being a daily occupancy at school , you would think she would think to say " hey by the way before he ate he was complaining of belly pain"

Like I said no detail is too small when your trying to find out what is wrong with your child... And she knows we have been trying to find out what is going on. ( it's also very obvious when is stomach hurts) he really isn't tough in the least so I couldn't really see him not making a sound when his stomach hurts. Just based off of the 8 years he has been on this earth.. Now if by some chance he hasn't been complaining to her.. That's fine... But this also hasn't been the first issue with not being able to get things straight at this school... They did absolutely nothing but make the bully apologize for telling my son he was going to kill him in his sleep- didn't even suspend the child... And I know we have a no tolerance policy on bullying... Yet I also told the school ( I'm not here so I'm not sure of the entire story ) I have given the benefit of the doubt but... At the same time they should have some common sense about them.

[user1457028146]

All children will lie for one reason or another- and any parent who thinks other wise .... Well they have another thing coming when they figure out their little angel as lied. I just know what he will lie about and what he won't... He does love school, and does love to go to school but has also been expressing a hatred for it ( ever felt torn? That's how he feels)
He wants to go because he wants to learn, but he is also done with some of it at the same ( it has put a bad taste in his mouth)
Which is understandable... If I were feeling like him ( vomiting and such) I would be hating life all together. Especially with how long he has been dealing with this-

[MumTryingHerBest]

user1457028146 anytime you have a student who is having medical problems it is common sense that even if your not sure if it's real or not, you inform the parents.

Given the child is being sent home due to illness, I think it would be a bit pointless the teacher saying the child had tummy pains before they vomited. I think it quite reasonable for the teacher to assume that the parent would speak to the child to establish how the child had felt during the day.

Personally I would have taken my DC straight to the Dr each time they had vomited after the first two occassions. The Dr would likely have then asked the relevant questions to establish how the child had felt during the day.

If the child had complained to the teacher about having stomache pains but seemed happy to carry on anyway without showing signs of real discomfort, then yes I would expect the teacher to mention it at school pick up.

Like I said no detail is too small when your trying to find out what is wrong with your child

And when you are managing a group of X number of children, seemingly small details get missed.

They did absolutely nothing but make the bully apologize for telling my son he was going to kill him in his sleep

Could this again be because you DC is know to lie?

[MumTryingHerBest]

user1457028146 All children will lie for one reason or another I agree they may occassionally lie. However, it is the frequency that makes the difference to someone believing them or not.

[bumblebee1234]

I think its obvious you don't get on with the school and on top of that he is being bullied. The school doesn't have to tell you anything only when it impacts on his learning and he feels to ill then they can make a judgement and inform you. They are not going to tell you every little ache he has in his belly they don't have the time. This is something you have to deal with. He's puking after lunch it could be the food they are giving him disagrees with him have you thought about giving him packed lunch. I remember watching Jamie Oliver improve school meals in an American school. He cried because they didn't want to stop giving them junk food to eat because they liked it. How revolting!!

[user1457028146]

Mumtryingherbest- the young boy fully admitted to bullying my son when ask about it.... Again they had had issues with that child becoming violent in the past....

Now he says its " burning " this is not a oh my stomach hurts--- it's a burning sensation and he says its burning... This is between breakfast and lunch... So yea I expect this to be mentioned.
When I pay 1500 a month in rent to ensure my child goes to what is suppose to be one of the best schools and in the best school division in the nation--- I expect more from the teachers and the school. I expect her to atleast respond when emailed or called. Not ignore the person. I expect them to do their jobs. They get paid more than enough to do their jobs in our county.
So yea you'll have to excuse me if there complete lack of communication pisses me off to no end... Because God knows if it were her child she would want to know if he is complaining of belly pain- that's the problem now days- everyone wants to judge without thinking about it--- i have dealt with multiple children- and oh I just looked at the class roster from Valentine's Day I'm sorry she has 15 kids in her class... I'll be sure to remember how many exactly from now on since people want to dissect everything and be trolls...

He had absolutely no behavior issues until the puking started... Which is something that would be normal in this situation. He is living in pain- expect him to lash out and be pissed. And yes even lie to hide it if they don't want to be sick and want to be fine... Maybe he feels if he ignores it he can make it not exist ( if you pretend it doesn't hurt maybe it won't ) maybe he wants to go back to normal when he wasn't piling so he will just pretend he is fine until he is.... Many kids try this technique... The " if I pretend it's not there than it won't be" way of thinking... ( having a parent that is a child physiologist is amazing for me because when I don't understand why one of my kids would do something I talk to them)

He is not a " I'll lie about everything kid" you can tell when he lies because he can't lie without laughing or smiling... And if he is lying he won't get mad when you call him on it he will stay calm ( thinking this helps him prove he isn't lying)... This one can't lie to save his life, he can say it all day long but you know he is lying... Unless your just daft or thick lol


Bumblebee- we will be packing his lunch from now on, if we don't take him out completely and homeschool him ( my work is flexible enough that I can do it) Here actually if a child already has a known illness and has issues with getting sick a lot they have to inform you of things like this. Schools here get sued all the time for not informing parents of things- by law here if I want them to call me and tell me my child sneezed funny they have to. That's just the law here. I'm not sure what it is like where you are but there is a reason this school division is number 1 in the nation and state. And a reason we pay so much to live in the county for our children to attend the school- the problem is the teacher has just gotten her degree and isn't quite sure what she is doing she is only 24... And fresh out of college, yea I feel bad for her having to deal with all these kids but at the same time I have ask multiple times for them the describe these vomiting episodes and what is going on when it happens and they always say " well i don't really know"
I am usually very logical and very polite with these people and will give them the benefit of the doubt, I didn't flip out about the bullying issue I calmly spoke with the counselor and told her " I don't know how much of it is true but you know how kids are, I just want the boys to get along and if the other boy really is saying these things I'm worried about because this is a learned behavior "

But like I said when they have chosen to ignore me when asking about the burning stomach episodes that is going to piss me off just like any other momma bear. It's simple all they need to do is say yes or no to witnessing this event and how often it happens.
I really don't care if she believes him or not but again if she has time to write a note saying he forgot to raise his hand , than she can write a note concerning his complaining.

[bumblebee1234]

If the teacher is only going to be teaching your son for 1 year then stick it out it may get better hopefully. You have every right to be pissed off they may be watching their own backs. You could ask your doctor to write a letter to the school asking them to write every stomach episode he gets. They may do something then because its another professional anything to intimidate them.

[user1457028146]

Bumblebee- I will definitely speak with his physician about have him wrote a letter making them write down all episodes. But at this point I'm about done dealing with them. And will probably be calling the superintendent tomorrow. Or taking him out altogether and homeschooling him. I emailed his teacher and called her early this morning . And I know she had to have checked both today, and so did the principle.

I feel like my child's well being is far more important than their fear of being sued for making a bad choice. I just want my son to feel better and if they are not willing to help than they can go on and leave us be.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

user1457028146

You posted upthread that the teacher has been told not to talk to, so there is no point in continuing to phone or email her, you may as well focus your efforts on the principle as all the teacher will do is pass it on.

[BertrandRussell]

"You were not there... You do not know... The doctor said " we are going to do a fecal smear test to check for blood in his fecal matter"
Probably should mention I do have experience in the medical field, my mother is a nurse and paramedic as well.. As I have paramedic training as well"

If you have all this medical experience, why did you let them perform this ridiculously invasive and completely unnecessary procedure on your child? And why are you talking about letting them do it again but insisting on him being sedated? If you can insist on that, you can insist on them getting a stool sample the normal way, the way it is done everywhere else not in a way that is going to upset and traumatize your child?

[SweetTeaVodka]

I'm a paediatric nurse and am absolutely baffled by this faecal smear business. I have never in my life heard of this practice of obtaining a stool sample through PR examination of a scared and unwilling child - it's horrifying. A faecal smear can just as easily be performed on a routine stool sample caught the usual way, and in the normal course of things there shouldn't be stools hanging about in the rectum unless the child is impacted, as you should be aware with all your medical experience the rectum is a temporary storage for stool prior to elimination and if the need to defecate is not acted upon stool should normal pass back into the colon - therefore attempting to obtain a stool sample in this way may be entirely pointless as well as unnecessary and traumatic.

[MumTryingHerBest]

SweetTeaVodka I suspect standard medical practice in the US is substantially different to the UK. Given the OP posted:

I have actually been told by a doctor at one army base that if I didn't like his was of doing a fecal smear test I could bleed out in a ditch that I wasn't as important as the soldiers.... ( I had severe rectal bleeding from pushing too hard during labor.. They found out later it was a fisher).

This suggests to me that the Dr took a faecal smear just after she had given birth. Why on earth would the Dr need to do that? More to the point why would the Dr feel it more important to take a faecal smear before investigating the source of the bleeding?

Just as well my Dr didn't need to take a faecal smear after I gave birth as he would have had to have worn a snorkel given I had water births.

[BertrandRussell]

"SweetTeaVodka I suspect standard medical practice in the US is substantially different to the UK."

Not in this context, according to the Mayo Clinic website.............

[user1457028146]

Sweeteavodk- we are also military- as I have stated before. The military hospital perform things a little different than civilian. They were checking for blood in the fecal matter because he told them there is blood when he pood.

Mumtryingherbest- it wasn't like the day after delivery it was about 2 weeks later and I was filling the pot with blood every time I pood and it wasn't from the normal area for blood. They did that to make sure it was blood to continue on with tests to find out why... The insensitive prick that said that to me did get into trouble because my father called the hospital commander.

You all have to understand that here in military sponsored hospitals for military and their dependents things are a lot different from the UK, and American civilian hospitals. I understand that this procedure seems odd to y'all but at the same time- I also have this posted on an American thread now and the American military mums all see this as a normal procedure...

And honestly I don't care how invasive a test is if it helps them find out exactly what is wrong with my child.
He can recover from a test. When I told him I have had the same thing done he felt a lot better.

[BertrandRussell]

Yes, I don't understand why they need a stool sample.

What we don't understand is why you would allow this completely unnecessary, invasive and traumatic procedure to be carried out your already distressed child.

Even if for some prevented reason they do it to soldiers to keep them in line or something, there is absolutely no reason to do it to a child. Many of us have children who have had to provide stool samples. In no case were they held down while someone shoved something into their rectums to collect it. And the fact that you are prepared to have him sedated to let them do it again is absolutely bloody shocking.