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Whether you're a permanent teacher, supply teacher or student teacher, you'll find others in the same situation on our Staffroom forum.

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Whether you're a permanent teacher, supply teacher or student teacher, you'll find others in the same situation on our Staffroom forum.

The staffroom

Meeting an ex-pupil for lunch in a pub

94 replies

partialderivative · 19/06/2014 20:34

He's a lovely bloke, far more responsible than I was at his age.

I have told him that we would buy him lunch, and I have agreed to meet him beforehand in a pub for a pint or two.

How much booze is reasonable to drink in these circumstances.

(I taught him last year in an International School in the Middle East.)

OP posts:

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Nulliferous · 20/06/2014 12:44

Goady. Very.

Do what you like. You obviously think you know best.

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thetoysarealiveitellthee · 20/06/2014 12:50

You have to ask?

And you're a teacher you say?

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partialderivative · 20/06/2014 13:54

Wow! Now I know how it feels to be on the wrong end of a ABIU thread.

And you're a teacher you say? Yes, I am and have nearly 30 year's experience.

I have taught in the UK, Spain, Botswana, South Africa, Saudi, Turkey and Oman.

I have taught at every level post 11

OP posts:

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KellyElly · 20/06/2014 14:08

I'm friends with a couple of my old teachers, same as I would be with anyone else. I went out with one and got rip roaring drunk a few months ago and shock horror I'm female and he's make. Nothing untoward. We just catch up when he's in London. I'm 35 so I don't know if that makes a difference as school was so long ago.

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LaurieFairyCake · 20/06/2014 14:12

It makes a lot of difference when it's so long ago so if you're over 21 then having a friendship is more than likely to be ok.

However, at any age even over 21 you can only imagine the headlines if you have an intimate relationship with a former pupil. It's not on if you don't want to be scrutinised at work and by salacious papers.

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RainbowsStars · 20/06/2014 14:29

If it is with your family then fair enough but I wouldn't want to do it, work is work and home is home.

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partialderivative · 20/06/2014 19:08

I think many people have some seedy view of what I have planned.

My DW and I both taught/supervised this lad. He is a smashing character and we are all looking forward to seeing each other.

I think that when you live/work in an international environmental, it's much easier to get to know your students at a more personal level

For what it is worth, his parents are aware.

OP posts:

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AuntieStella · 20/06/2014 19:15

"I think many people have some seedy view of what I have planned."

And it is quite possible many will do so in RL. Which is why the arrangements need to be beyond reproach. And the lunch pretty abstemious.

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QueenQueenie · 20/06/2014 19:16

So why are you asking a bunch of strangers exactly?
What are you asking a bunch of strangers exactly?
Are you saying you have no idea how much you should drink at a pre lunch pub drink or what?
You sound v irritating and more than a bit provoking.

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Petrasmumma · 20/06/2014 19:22

As long as the ex pupil is an adult, I don't see the problem in meeting.
I do so with some of mine, but over coffee, never booze. And not the opposite sex either.

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partialderivative · 20/06/2014 19:24

This reply has been deleted

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ChristopherRobin · 20/06/2014 19:25

I know someone who actually married his former pupil. He was her form tutor for 5 years and they got in touch 5 years after she left school. Now married with a baby. She apparently had a crush on him all the way through school. Weird...

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partialderivative · 20/06/2014 19:35

I have no intention of marrying this bloke I am going to meet.

Though I do hope we will walk about York a bit after the meal.

If he wants to hold hands, that's fine with me.

OP posts:

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defineme · 20/06/2014 19:37

I did my PGCE 15 years ago. My mentor on my placement was 38 and she was living with an 18 year old who had been in her 6th form class the year before. The same school also had an art teacher married to a former pupil.
Doesn't seem to happen now thank goodness! Sorry, that wasn't particularly relevant to the op!

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QueenQueenie · 20/06/2014 19:40

Oh, you're such a charmer!
Your lucky lucky wife!

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partialderivative · 20/06/2014 19:43

This reply has been deleted

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AnyFucker · 20/06/2014 19:45

What do I do if he wants to drink more than 4

You have been very much at pains to tell us you are meeting with an adult so you do what you would do with an adult. And that is the adult does what he/she wants and there is no need at all to ask silly questions on t'internet.

Feel free to tell me to fuck off

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partialderivative · 20/06/2014 19:47

Why would I tell you to fuck off?

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QueenQueenie · 20/06/2014 19:48

I'm going to give you a B+ op.

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AnyFucker · 20/06/2014 19:50

This reply has been deleted

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partialderivative · 20/06/2014 19:53

Where have I patronised anyone?

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ChocolateWombat · 20/06/2014 19:53

Did you work abroad in a Boarding school with these pupils? That would explain why your family know them too and I understand then that the relationship between staff and pupils is often closer and more informal, especially in a House setting.

I would say it is fine to see these ex pupils with your family around. I would also say it is fine to see a couple of them together. I would avoid one to ones, where possible and if that is the only way, make it a day time coffee and sandwich in a coffee shop. I would say it was a no-no to have a one to one with a 19 year old girl if you are an older man and she has only left school a year.

As well as any tricky situation which could arise, you also need to be aware of perceptions of others. How would current parents feel if they saw you alone in a pub with a girl who had just left? (Unlikely if the school is abroad...but you get the point)

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KarlWrenbury · 20/06/2014 19:55

hes an adult - whats the deal ? why did you ask?

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FantasticButtocks · 20/06/2014 19:56

I don't understand, with all your experience, and on a family outing to meet a young man you used to teach, why you are needing to ask this question.

Surely, at your age, you have an idea how normal people behave on a lunchtime outing with children present? Has your ex-pupil had some sort of drink problem in the past, that you think he will want 4 alcoholic drinks before lunch?

Why do you find this situation so unusual if you are also meeting another ex-pupil for coffee? What if she wants more than 4 bits of cake with her coffee? What will you do?

They are ex-pupils, and not your responsibility. You are not their parents. I'm amazed your age and experience don't prevent you from needing to ask about this.

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ChocolateWombat · 20/06/2014 20:00

OP, if you ask for people's opinions and they then give them, you shouldn't be telling them to F off, because you dont like their view. You DID ask.

This thread is very odd. Failing to mention he was a man and that he was planning to meet with his family, were crucial bits of information, the absence of which clearly influenced the replies. His surprise then, that people expected to be told those things (and rudeness) are also odd, bearing in mind this is a website dominated by women, so unless people say they are men, it is assumed they are women.

Fishy or just unaware? Don't know.