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The staffroom

Whether you're a permanent teacher, supply teacher or student teacher, you'll find others in the same situation on our Staffroom forum.

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Original poster

Why do parents think it's ok to talk to teachers like shit?

57 replies

StuffezLaBouche · 18/03/2013 19:39

Horrible parent today. Why aren't I entering her child for a certain test? You can't be bothered with the hassle, you don't like him, it's ok for you - you get in at nine and get to go at three, etc. etc.

If someone was so rude in my private life they'd get a firm and strongly worded mouthful. I just felt shaken after, as it was quite an outpour. Now I just feel really, really angry. I work my bloody arse off for my class and am so pissed off by the attitude that teachers can be talked to like that. I know all teachers will feel like this at some point... Today just got to me. (Not helped by the fifteen mile round trip to pick up a Gumtree item and the woman deciding not to sell after all.)

Sorry for this rant, just over stressed and a bit upset.

OP posts:

MidnightHag · 22/03/2013 17:54

I've been a teacher for over 20 years, but this term has been the absolute worst for rude parents, difficult phone calls and generally being questioned on my professional judgement.
I would love to make a sharp rejoinder, but don't dare. Maybe I look like a "frightened rabbit" BettyBlues ?

MidnightHag · 22/03/2013 17:56

MoreBeta · 22/03/2013 18:07

Stuffez - why did you not enter the child for the test?

Did you explain that you were making that decison and why?

Perhaps the parent felt your decision was arbitrary and unexplained and they had no way of getting it reversed or changed?

It is not fair to shout at you but have you examined why the parent was angry?

Parents feel powerless sometimes over the way their children are taught, like they can't ask questions and that teaching and schools are just full of jargon and decisons they cant understand.

Hesterton · 22/03/2013 18:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hesterton · 22/03/2013 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

claraschu · 22/03/2013 18:24

I have found that a certain percentage of parents are rude and horrible; a similar percentage of doctors, business people, and teachers are rude and horrible.

These days people are less intimidated by authority so they are more likely to say what they want to teachers (and doctors); sometimes this is a good thing, and sometimes it is just offensive.

Some teachers (and doctors) can't bear to be questioned or challenged, no matter how wrong they are.

claraschu · 22/03/2013 18:26

I'm not implying that you were being difficult OP, by the way. On the contrary, this mother sounds very rude (though I would be curious to hear the answer to MoreBeta's question).

lljkk · 22/03/2013 19:22

Lol @ Stuffez's stories.
I have very politely managed to make DD's teacher feel like an idiot this week.
But I promise that I was very polite about it.

Anyone who wants to know more about CupofTea's DD might read the archived threads on here, it's a wonderful if sad story.

ipadquietly · 22/03/2013 22:27

Because they know we can't tell them to f off, and must maintain our rictus grins.

Original poster

StuffezLaBouche · 23/03/2013 08:08

More beta, i didn't enter him for the test (a wholly optional test I must add) because he is working nowhere near the required level. Annoyingly, at the point she came in and was rude, I hadn't entered anyone for the test yet.

If she had come in sensibly, I would have been absolutely fine, but to question my professionalism by suggesting I didn't enter him for a test because "I don't like him" is beyond insulting.

Even more irritatingly, her son has been taking advantage of my free, early morning booster classes all term. So - free tuition, free breakfast, free transport to extra curricular activities..but no, I've "got it in for him."

God I need to let this go!!

OP posts:

nkf · 23/03/2013 08:13

I think these people probably have rows with everybody. Not much comfort but it's probably not personal.

ScottyDoc · 23/03/2013 08:27

My dh is a teacher and I see the amount of stress and the insane amount of work and preparation that goes into lesson planning for one. There are grade targets to be hit as well as very intimidating observations from time to time. If I saw or heard any parent giving unnecessary rudeness to a teacher, I wouldn't hesitate to pull them up on it. Half the time, from dh's experience anyway, the kids can't be bothered to listen or to do the work, and there's a big lack of discipline at home. This backfires on him unfairly when the deluded and entitled parents are moaning that their precious darling hasn't got the grades he/she should have! I wouldn't do it for a job and I have the utmost respect for those that do it.

MoreBeta · 23/03/2013 12:38

stuffez - did you explain all that to her or did she not give you the chance?

She may be very anxious about her son's progress or very ambitious and it boiled over. Not an excuse but I think you need to get into her head or it will blow up again.

BettyBlues · 23/03/2013 15:59

MidnightHag - aaahhh. Now I understand why the staff hate me. It's because I 'question their professional judgement'

Thanks.

I can't stop doing that given some of the things that have happened. But I can at least understand why they hate me.

Original poster

StuffezLaBouche · 23/03/2013 16:22

Betty, I'm to speaking about your situation here, but in my experience, the frustration teachers have with parents boils down to the fact that the only child you give two hoots about is yours. Understandably. Whereas the class teacher has to share those two hoots between thirty children, all of whom are the apples of their parents' eyes. It's not easy and most teacher do their best.

OP posts:

Original poster

StuffezLaBouche · 23/03/2013 16:30

I'm NOT speaking, not TO!

OP posts:

CaramelLatte · 23/03/2013 16:46

I'm not a teacher, I am a parent and fwiw I think teachers do not get anywhere near the credit they deserve. I wonder how many of these difficult parents would cope with the job, I know I couldn't. Ok you get more holidays than most but I have seen for myself the long hours that are put in, not only on normal school days but residential trips for days at a time, on duty 24/7. So thanks teachers, I for one am grateful for your input into my children's future.

Original poster

StuffezLaBouche · 23/03/2013 16:52

That's a nice post, caramellatte. ANYONE who drags themselves out of bed and works hard at whatever it is they do deserves recognition and credit, IMO. But teaching does seem to be one of those jobs that attracts a disproportionate amount of shit. (Coincidentally these are often jobs that involve extended interaction with the general public..!)

OP posts:

Untrusty · 23/03/2013 17:07

Stuff - I know the teachers think that I only care about my DC.

It's not true at all. But the teacher comes to the conversation believing I believe that.

I do however think school really should do everything that can be done to teach a child to read and write. Whether it's my child or another one. I am equally horrified by other kids who leave Y6 illiterate.

Pretty much the only thing I try to discuss with school staff is that one of my 3 DC can't read or write and has made no progress in 2 years.

Which, now I see, they interpret is 'questioning their professional judgement' as opposed to me trying to work out what else can be done so that they don't leave primary school illiterate.

ProphetOfDoom · 23/03/2013 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

StuffezLaBouche · 23/03/2013 17:38

See your point, untrusty, but there are so many reasons why kids leave year six illiterate, and some aren't comfortable to hear.

Some have been let down by poor teaching. Undoubtedly. There is a teacher in our school who I know is letting their children down. Unfortunately they are my superior. One of the members of staff has a child in that class. Very awkward all round and wrong that its happening.

Some children haven't had the benefit of parents who give a crap. By not reading with children; not playing with them; not talking to then even, children's brains just don't develop the connections required to learn, retain and apply.

Also, some children just aren't bright. They can be lovely, kind, engaging children, but they just don't "get it." And if they do "get it" they don't apply it in their own work. This seems to be the great "taboo" in teaching, as obviously you wouldn't say tat to the child's parents.

WRT the "professional judgement" thing. I don't think any sensible teacher believes they are above questioning - but parents don't always know the "bigger picture" behind teachers' decisions. In the case that inspired me to write my OP, it was the fact the mother came in all guns blazing bt had totally the wrong end of the stick.

I can't think of circumstances where a school wouldn't do everything they could to ensure a child cold read and write.

Sorry for all the quote marks in my post; it's "one of those subjects!"

OP posts:

Original poster

StuffezLaBouche · 23/03/2013 17:39

That is an excellent point, schmaltzing!

OP posts:

heggiehog · 23/03/2013 20:05

"WRT the "professional judgement" thing. I don't think any sensible teacher believes they are above questioning - but parents don't always know the "bigger picture" behind teachers' decisions. "

This.

Unfortunately, unless you have been a teacher yourself, it is almost impossible to understand the bigger picture and all the hundreds of little things that contribute to every decision teachers have to make.

Fairyliz · 26/03/2013 21:23

The thing is you are dealing with the most precious thing in my life. Yes I get irritated if my food delivery is wrong or the dry cleaners ruin my dress; but don't do the best for my child and you will feel my wrath!
Yes I do know what its like working in a school as I work in one, like all places there are excellent employees and terrible ones.

nkf · 26/03/2013 21:50

Some people are rude. I bet any profession that meets the public face to face gets rudeness. Imagine being a policeman. And the stuff I've seen in a&e.

Some people have legitimate complaints about schools but lack the social skills to raise them properly and so they scream and shout.

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