AIBU to not want dogs home after baby has arrived?

[Bex134]

We have 2 dogs who have stayed with family since our I'm son was born. He's now 8 weeks and the dogs are back since yesterday. So far this has gone well- far better than I imagined but I really don't want them here. Im happy for the dogs to be in the room when I'm feeding or cuddling baby but not when he's on his playmat. I feel like there are two separate worlds at home - dogs and baby and can't imagine dealing with this on my own when Hubble is away at work.

Do you think I'm overreacting at this point? Hubble is not happy when I've spoken to him about how I feel...

And what's wrong with rehoming a couple of dogs if you're not comfortable about it? I can see why the op would think this would actually be better fr the dogs apart from anyone else

Let me see, what's wrong with rehoming a couple of dogs is that the reality is there will be no rescue space as they are full of abused and neglected dogs.
The dogs will be incredibly distressed, they bond with their humans.

They are not disposable possessions.

I have a rescue, I have taken on someone's dumped dog, dogs are for life bar death, illness and extreme circumstances.

I follow many dog rescues on Facebook, it's pitiful to see these faithful animals dumped when a new baby comes along or the new favourite excuse is 'allergies' after many years.

I also had a car that was given up because of a new baby.

Yes, I am judging you, it's terrible to treat animals like this and move the problem on to someone else.
The chances of them being re homed at their ages is very low, it's perfectly possible that they will get put to sleep or be stuck in a cage for years.

*cat

Playpen and stairgates help you achieve separation. The dogs are your responsibility, it is not an unmanageable situation.

It takes some time to get used to the new family dynamic. You have to be firm with your dogs. If the baby is in her jumper or rocker on the floor I keep my dog by my side. If I leave the room to do washing even for twenty seconds I call him and he comes with me.
We've been really strict with him right from the start with lots of treats for good behaviour. He knows he has to keep his distance and even when she's wafting food in front of him in her high chair he sits two feet away and doesn't move.

The baby and dogs will be great friends in years to come. It does take time and effort but it's well worth it. My baby is 7 months old now and giggles and has this huge smile she gets just when the dog walks in the room.
I think you've probably made it more difficult for yourself sending them away for 8 weeks as you're now solely in the newborn routine. Not the newborn and sort the dogs out. Get yourself a sling. Makes getting out for the twice a day walks easy.
Yes you're right to worry about safety. But just be sensible. You don't have to rehome
Your dogs.
I can't imagine feeling the way you do about your dogs, they are not toys to be put aside when something new comes along but I think you probably made a mistake not having them at home for so long, which is why you're feeling over whelmed now. It'll take a couple of weeks but you'll get in a good routine.

And what's wrong with rehoming a couple of dogs if you're not comfortable about it?

Yeah, simple. No biggie, right?

Read Sarah's post, because words fail me.

Thanks for your opinions. I Just wanted a place to gather opinions to help me move forwards and it's fine to say that I am being unreasonable. Between the really quite rude responses (which frankly I should have expected) there have been some helpful thoughts around commitment to the dogs and keep persevering which you are right about and I totally will do.

I had a huge dog when both dd and ds where newborn. I spent a lot of time teaching him that the living room was for lying down. I started when pregnant. He had a bed in the corner by where I sat on the settee and everything he sat there he got strokes 'good boy' and a treat. Soon it became his routine to go straight to his bed and flop down. When dd arrived, if I ever had to leave the room I put him in the kitchen behind the baby gate, again with a small treat and a 'good boy'.

We went on walks every morning and afternoon, even if it was raining (baby was fine under the rain cover in the pram).

It took lots of work but the result was a dog who my dd got to grow up with. She read stories snuggled up with him and learned to walk holding his back. Their bond was amazing and she still cries 3 years after he unfortunately passed. I miss that dog so much I don't think I will ever own another.

You need to get your house set up to suit the new circumstances. Baby gates are your friend. Walks at this time of year are excellent for you and baby getting out in the fresh air and your dogs will be more manageable with lots of exercise. You can do this, if you put the work in.

The reality is that jacks are ten a penny and rehoming would be difficult to say the least. The chances of thembeing rehomed together nigh on impossible.

I do understand though, i had pnd and wouldn't leave our bedroom for the first two weeks because of the dog.
I wanted to rehome but he was a rescue that had aggression issues previously so it wasn't an option and i doubt i could have parted with him when it came to it. It worked out ok i the end.

You say your dogs stayed with your mum for a while. Would she consider making it permanent? Seems an ideal solution. Or is there the possibility of them staying with her during the day when dh goes to work?

People do indeed have dogs and babies and it works just fine . How are they generally with the baby? curious? I would work on introduction and making the dogs comfortable with the baby. Of course you must never allow them together unattended, especially as the baby grows but separating shouldn't be an issue if you make a nice space for your dogs to escape to. Somewhere with their beds and toys etc.

Try very hard not to convey your anxiety to the dogs as they will pick up on it.

Good luck

I wonder if the issue is that all feels too overwhelming right now. You have a young baby (your first I assume) and you know it's going to take some effort to sort the situation with the dogs . And you may currently feel you have no fuel in the tank to do that.

I have never had dogs but I have had a young baby and a cat and know what it's like to fall out of love with the cat for a while

But there are things you can do. Take the advice of the doggie people here.

Also, it's all very well for you DH to 'not like' things, but if he's not there and he's not helping then it's hot air.

I have a young American bulldog, so very big and bouncy, we rescued her (so don't really know her background) & a week later found out I was pregnant! I was a nervous wreck of how she'd be with baby, almost didn't want to come home from hospital as I was dreading it, but my little girls 4 months now & she's amazing with her. She knows to be calm in the lounge, stay in her bed if babies on floor etc & sleeps by her cot when she's napping, she really protects her. I think it's nice to grow up with animals, they'll be the best of friends. It can work, just takes time teaching them how you want them to be around each other.. hope it works out for you

It is difficult as your dogs will be curious about your baby, new smells, sounds, toys etc in their home. And you will be concerned and protective.
Our dog was 5 when ds was born. She couldn't distinguish between his soft squeaky toys and her own, she identified his sheepskin as the softest surface in the room & therefore assumed it was meant for her. Her ears pricked up whenever he made a noise (squeaky & chuntery noises more than crying) & would come over to check everything was OK. The situation was complicated slightly by her having a phantom pregnancy, so there were points when it was if she thought ds was her puppy which was lovely. (But I can see that this could well have been a problem for someone else).
But it was fine. Taking the dog for walks helped keep me sane. We have photos of her & ds curled up together on his sheepskin. When he started eating solid foods she was invaluable as a hoover, waiting patiently under his high chair. Years later she is still under the table by his feet at mealtimes.
When ds started being more mobile, she would sometimes tell him off when he did something she didn't think he should. This never involved anything that would have harmed ds, but some of things he would do such as grabbing & not letting go of her tail or fur (as babies will do) could have hurt her. This is another reason why you should never leave them alone together.
For separation we had a stair gate between kitchen & living room from the very start. Easier than a playpen if you don't have much space, though we got a playpen later.
For daytime naps as a tiny baby ds would be in a pram so out of dog's reach. Ds's toys always had to be put away - in the playpen or a high sided basket. occasionally we forgot & some of his toys then became the dog's toys or had to be thrown away.
But their relationship is still very special. The dog is now very old and we will probably lose her soon, something all of us will find hard.

I have my dog because she wasn't wanted when when a new baby came along.

Since then I have had a baby and from the moment I brought the baby home the dog has accepted him as part of the family and would lay next to the Moses basket whilst the baby napped.

It is hard work but stair gates are great and a PP mentioned a playpen which is a good idea too for peace of mind.

I think that it probably feels more daunting for you after them being away for 8 weeks than it would have done if they had been there from the start. It might be easier for you once they are back home.

My goodness, the unhelpful judging continues. I never said it would be easy to rehome, and of course I'm not suggesting get rid no matter where the animals go, but there would be nothing wrong in seeing if the people who had the dogs for the last couple of months would like to keep them.

I think the op will find a way to make it work with the dogs and of course that's the ideal solution but I wanted to encourage people to be a bit kinder to her while she thinks it all through. But please, feel free to jump to your mean conclusions rather than giving anyone the benefit of the doubt or going by what they actually say.

Diamond

I agree with you. But more people have been kind than not

Rehome the dogs and if that doesn't happen, have them pts.
The baby should always come first.

Why would you send your dogs away for 8 weeks when you had a baby?

I had a dog when I had DC2 and we put his bed in the kitchen when I was pregnant and trained him to go there with a treat and put a baby gate in the door. It's no time til the baby is past the lying on the floor stage anyway and one of my fondest memories is how delighted the dog was when DC learned how to toddle to the kitchen to open the treat cupboard for him!

Annessmyth

Yes, I am interested in that too.

The dogs haven't actually been any kind of a problem either. They haven't done anything to the baby.

Keep the dogs. You will be fine.

Lovely story AnneSmyth....I can imagine how delighted your dog was when he realised your DC could supply him with treats!

Diamond perhaps have another read through your first post because you were utterly flippant about getting rid of the dogs, and now you're backtracking.

The original OP did invite judgement rather than advice/support in the way it was worded. But I see now that OP is not necessarily about to throw her dogs to the gutter on a whim. Which is good to hear. And I hope with a bit of perseverance it will all work out.

But I don't see why some of these dog-haters are posting on this thread as they have clearly no understanding of the situation and nothing useful to add.

I often say jokingly to DH and DD that they will go before the dog but sometimes I think I'm being deadly serious

Which dog-haters Professional?

We got very lackadaisical about the gate because the kids and the dog were so good with each other. For ages I was going to DC1 did you give the dog that? No, not me - then asking DH did you give the dog ANOTHER treat?

Then we watched dog sit beside toddler, look adoringly at toddler, toddler go to the kitchen, lean down hard on the cupboard which had a latch on it, but that was enough to spring the latch, open cupboard, get treat for dog. Job done.