AIBU to not want dogs home after baby has arrived?

[Bex134]

We have 2 dogs who have stayed with family since our I'm son was born. He's now 8 weeks and the dogs are back since yesterday. So far this has gone well- far better than I imagined but I really don't want them here. Im happy for the dogs to be in the room when I'm feeding or cuddling baby but not when he's on his playmat. I feel like there are two separate worlds at home - dogs and baby and can't imagine dealing with this on my own when Hubble is away at work.

Do you think I'm overreacting at this point? Hubble is not happy when I've spoken to him about how I feel...

[fishybits]

I had a baby and two dogs, one of which was a puppy don't ask. I set up the play pen in the sitting room and every time I left the room, I put DD in it. It's just about common sense and being organised. Have stair gates at the door of a couple of key rooms to either keep the dogs in or out and make sure the dogs are exercised daily, getting out with the dogs will help you too.

[happygardening]

"People that flakey"
The OP has had the dogs for 8 yrs, she's worried enough to post on here and has listened to the constructive advise she's been given and her DH doesn't want the dogs to go. If that's your idea of "flakey" I think you need to get out a bit more and meet some more people. If we take your argument to a logical conclusion then you wouldn't ever let a women of child bearing age have a dog, or what about people of working age who perhaps works shifts, their situation could change unforseeably over the life of a dog, and then there's anyone over say 65 they could develop significant health problems and not be able to keep their dog. From my experience of buying my dogs from reputable breeders they interview you ask lots of questions and decide that you are highly likely to offer a good home but nothing is ever guareneeted no one can predict the future when you're talking about an animal that will live probably 12-15 years.
The OP is going to give it a go but maybe it won't work, maybe the dogs won't be happy living behind a stair gate, separated from their owners in a way they are not used too no one wants to see unhappy dogs or maybe the OP will remain concerned about the dogs around her DD and as her DD can't be rehomed then rehoming the dogs may sadly be the best solution.

[ProfessionalPirate]

happygardening firstly, re-read my post. I specifically said it wasn't aimed at the OP. I am talking more generally now, in response to your post.

However, the length of ownership before abandonment is irrelevant. It's often the older dogs that get dumped at shelters, particularly as they get more expensive to keep with mounting vet bills etc. We all know the average life span of a dog. If you can't commit to that length of time, don't get the dog.

I think you need to get out a bit more and meet some more people
As I have been on the front line at rehoming centres, I would suggest that my awareness on this subject is fairly extensive. Possibly more so than yours - buying puppies from breeders

If we take your argument to a logical conclusion then you wouldn't ever let a women of child bearing age have a dog, or what about people of working age who perhaps works shifts, their situation could change unforseeably over the life of a dog, and then there's anyone over say 65 they could develop significant health problems and not be able to keep their dog
Nope. The logical conclusion is for everyone about to get a dog to stop and think - what could my life hold for the next 14 years? Am I prepared to make sacrifices to ensure the wellbeing of the dog? In the case of the woman of childbearing age - coping with babies is tough. Dealing with babies and dogs even more so. It is question of whether you would be prepared to put in the extra work.

The shift worker should be assessing their job security and the likelihood of finding another job with similar hours. Would they be willing to take a drop in salary? Pay for a dog sitter? I was desperate for a dog in my early twenties, and could have managed one then as I was working from home. But I knew at that stage in my career nothing was guaranteed, so I refrained from getting one until I was more settled. Why is that idea so hard for some people?

As the average age in the UK is now over 81, of course a 65 year old can get a dog. Although I would be pretty at a very elderly person taking on a puppy, unless they knew for certain another family member would take it on if necessary.

From my experience of buying my dogs from reputable breeders they interview you ask lots of questions and decide that you are highly likely to offer a good home but nothing is ever guareneeted no one can predict the future when you're talking about an animal that will live probably 12-15 years
The breeder can make whatever enquiries they like to put their mind at ease. But it is for the buyer to put these questions to themselves and answer honestly. And then be prepared to do without that cute puppy if the answers don't stack up. No one can predict the future true, and there will always be some sad cases where dogs are given up for very legitimate and unavoidable reasons.

From my actual experience of dogs in rehoming centres, the vast majority of reasons for it don't measure up.

[happygardening]

"At my stage in my career nothing was guaranteed"
What stage in someone's career is anything guaranteed? I work in the public sector (and have done for much of my 30+ working years) we have a desperate staff shortage (no job security issues) but our management have recently have changed our hours, we have no say in it, five years ago the hours they're telling us we must now work were being banned in many regions and those with more than a week of sick a year weren't allowed to work them. Now due to poor funding we're being told we have no choice, childcare arrangement and the difficulties associated with these changes won't be considered let alone dog care arrangements. Lacking a Chrystal ball many didn't see t
It's hardly surprising if those involved in rescue have judgemental attitudes like yours thar many people abandon dogs or stick them on Gumtree.
Just want to add I've never had to rehome a dog in 30+ years of dog ownership but I accept that for some people genuinely feel they have no choice even if for other the reasons "dont stack up". When it comes to deciding between a dog or child then obviously a child take priority some make joke that they'd choose the dog over the child but I sure if it came to it they always choose their child.

[neonrainbow]

Rehome a toddler? Don't be so bloody stupid a dog is in no way comparable to a toddler.

[MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig]

neon I would imagine that was tongue in cheek.

When I was expecting our first baby my main consideration when choosing a pushchair was that it would be robust enough to go off-road on dog walks. As the dog fitted in with our lifestyle, and was a big part of our lives, the baby had to too. Anyone that had mentioned getting rid of our beloved dog for the sake of the baby would have been laughed out of the house.

[NotYoda]

neon

My toddler used to bite my baby.

(also tongue in cheek, though true)

[Bellebullerebelle]

I remember feeling totally overwhelmed with 2 dogs and a baby. I felt like I couldn't enjoy motherhood because of the stress of managing everyone. My terrier was snappy too so I was frightened he'd hurt the baby. In the end it was all fine. My lab is really bouncy and hurt the baby accidentally a couple of times but nothing major. We're a few years down the line now and it worked out fine. I have a strict don't touch the dogs rule in place. You can only pet them when they come to you, and if you sit beside them you don't lean on them or pester them. Both dogs have been wonderful with the kids, but it did take time to adjust. What worked for us was a good sling for baby and nice long walks for the dogs. Keep them tired and they'll be happy to be shut away to sleep when baby is out. Plus getting out to walk will make you all feel better. We also have stair gates top and bottom to keep the dogs out the way, and a stuffed Kong or something if they're energetic but need to be shut out for a bit. Please don't give up on them yet, you'll not get to experience the thrill of coming home to your dogs rolling in a dirty nappy ;) (bleurk!)

[ProfessionalPirate]

happygardening I think you must be arguing for the sake of it now. Can you only see things in black and white? No, nothing is guaranteed, but there is such a thing as risk assessment.

I will repeat myself yet again. There are of course some unavoidable situations where rehoming a dog becomes necessary. But I can assure you that the majority are either unnecessary or predictable. A lot of the time it comes down to attitude. Some people are prepared to do anything to keep their dog - get up at the crack of dawn to walk it, do without luxuries to afford a sitter, take jobs that are well below their earning potential etc. Then there are others that can't be bothered and bail at the first sign of difficulty. They see dogs as disposable commodities. There is often a way around the problem, but they don't even want to try. I think maybe you just don't understand the situation - perhaps you are assuming everyone that rehomes a dog is in some kind of dire situation, but that's just not the case.

My comment about careers is valid. As I have progressed in mine, my security has increased. I don't mean in my current job, but in terms of my general employability should I be made redundant etc. I would be able to pick and choose a job that would accommodate my dog, in a way I may not have been able to in my twenties. Furthermore, I have very deliberately chosen to go into a field where, even if I didn't do a lot of work flexibly from home now, I know I would be able to take my dog to work with me should the need arise. This, even though it means I earn considerably less than if I had taken a different route. I realise the above steps may sound extreme to some, but it illustrates my point that a bit of contingency planning can often negate some of the more common reasons for rehoming.

Having to 'choose between a child and a dog' is thankfully rarely a necessary dilemma (genuine behavioural concerns aside). The OP in this thread isn't choosing between her dog and her child. She's choosing between her dog and a slightly easier life for the immediate future. The child, presumably, will be well cared for regardless. And may well benefit from the presence of the dogs as she grows.

I am not responsible for gumtree dogs, thanks for that lovely assumption. The main motivation for listing on gumtree tends to be financial, when an owner is trying to recoup some of the costs of their expensive puppy-farmed pedigree. I rarely deal with owners at that point anyway, but I know those that do try to be polite and professional at all times (whatever they might be thinking underneath).

As I say, my agenda is not for all dogs to be kept on regardless of circumstances. I would just like to see people giving their suitability as a dog owner careful consideration before they buy - thinking not just about the immediate future, but looking at the whole anticipated lifespan of the dog. For example, a 25 year old woman has a pretty decent chance of having a baby within the next 15 years, even if she is currently single and motherhood isn't on the radar. Perhaps she will start a relationship with someone who doesn't like dogs. Would she drop the dog for the new man? I would think it rather shortsighted of her to not at least give some consideration to these posibilities before buying a puppy. If someone feels they cannot commit to that kind of timeframe, perhaps they could consider rehoming an older dog. Or just, you know, give dog ownership a miss. It is a privilege, not a right, afterall.

[memyselfandaye]

Just get some stairgates for the living rooms and kitchen.

[happygardening]

Actually Professional I don't think it's me that can only see things in black and white it's you. Your career path may mean that you can pick and choose a job that can accommodate a dog but you're delusional if you think that applies to the majority. As I said I work in one branch of the public sector not only the biggest employer in Europe but also the biggest of women in Europe trust me very few career paths offered (of which in fairness there'd are lots) enable people to choose a career which enables you to accommodate a dog many find they can't even accommodate childcare and a career. I agree this does not mean you cannot own a dog many use dog walkers friends and all the other means you suggest but there is not the individual flexibility you seen to think is offered to all. I suspect others in different occupations would say the same thing. Secondly when you start out at 18 or 21 or whatever you have no idea where your career will go over the next 15+ years where I a work today is not where I thought I be even 5 years ago.
The world is changing workers now and in the future will have to be flexible multiskilled and employers are going to expect more for their money.
Owning a dog is optional and I too despair of people who get dogs without thinking very carefully about it who fall in love wth cute puppies and dont think about how the next 15 years will pan out but you should not judge people who's careers or lives in general take an unexpected path and eventually are forced to accept that their dog needs would be better met in another home.

[ProfessionalPirate]

happygardening I presumed you would reply with that. Can't you understand that I used my own situation as an example of the level of consideration that can be given to dog ownership. I even described it as extreme in my post. I don't expect everyone else to have the same options. I agree few full time careers are compatible with dog ownership. That is why most full time workers opt out of dog ownership, as disappointing as that may be. Owning a dog while working full time out of the house is difficult and expensive, and not to be recommended to anyone but the most dedicated. I know I am in a fortunate position now, but that has not always been the case. I do know what it is like to be in a position where a dog would be neither practical nor affordable.

when you start out at 18 or 21 or whatever you have no idea where your career will go over the next 15+ years
I agree. It is one of the reasons I would argue that few 18-21 year olds should be buying puppies.

Owning a dog is optional and I too despair of people who get dogs without thinking very carefully about it who fall in love wth cute puppies and dont think about how the next 15 years will pan out but you should not judge people who's careers or lives in general take an unexpected path and eventually are forced to accept that their dog needs would be better met in another home.
Again I agree. I just believe, from experience, that the majority of re-homers are coming from a background of poor forethought and commitment. Even the choice of breed comes into it. Breed selection should be based on suitability not fashion or looks. Novice owner that might have kids in the future? Go for a breed thats known for being a good family dog, not one that has a rep for being difficult and aloof. Limited mobility or time for walks? Don't get a high energy working breed. I know it sounds like common sense, but I'm always amazed how often it is ignored.

There are two major peaks of dogs being given up for rehoming - adolescents that have gone through the cute puppy stage and the owners are now struggling with the reality of dog ownership/haven't bothered to train etc. And oldies that are becoming an inconvenience, perhaps they are ill and the owners don't want to pay vet fees. This doesn't marry up with your perception that most dogs are rehomed because of genuinely unavoidable reasons.

Sadly I have been made very cynical.

[SarahBernhardtFan]

I follow ten rescue groups and have done my own share in rescuing. This is just one, since Monday.
We don't deserve the loyalty of dogs.

[KoalaDownUnder]

Sarah 😢

I agree, we don't.

[Bex134]

Quick update- today has gone well, we've gently let the dogs get closer to baby and also had them behind the stair gates/ in kitchen when we've been playing. Watching through the gate was less popular with the dogs but I'm sure this will improve over time. Walk in the sling was also good and I've practiced for when doing it alone (although bending to pick up the poo was rather a challenge!)

Apologies to those who think I'm not committed to the dogs, I'm probably not as committed as some of you but I'm certainly not wanting them to have a life in kennels or worse...

Only issue we've had is the older dog growling at younger dog, I think she's feeling protective of the baby when he cries. I need to read up a bit more about this.

I didn't intend to cause the debate and disagreement that's gone on but you have all made me realise I can do this and it is possible afterall time behind a gate or in the kitchen is far better than kennels.

[honeyroar]

Good luck Bex, I'm sure you'll all adjust to new routines and stair gates etc.

[Thattimeofyearagain]

Good luck 🍀

[SarahBernhardtFan]

Well done Bex, there will be lots of lurkers reading this too. It's good to get what really happens out there as it's so difficult in reality to re home.

I think that you will be fine, it will take a while but your baby will be laughing at them in a couple of months. It's quite a good source of entertainment

[ProfessionalPirate]

Great update OP. Best of luck.

[MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig]

Oh god Sarah that first one looks just like my old boy. He was three when dd1 came along. He never took any notice of our dds. He died two years ago aged eleven.

Bex glad it's going ok. You might want to get a dog behaviourist on board to give you some help and advice on how to manage both yours and the dogs expectations.

[saltyshoes]

Get a babydan configurable playpen for until the baby starts properly crawling so he doesn't get stepped on by the dogs. Job done.

[saltyshoes]

Oh and those dogs are get your dinner cooked! They are a fabulous distraction to older babies!

[Macauley]

Good luck. I have to admit when I brought my baby home I felt the same and didn't want them near baby. As the weeks have gone on this feeling has passed which is good . I spent ages training the dogs before baby arrived which seems to have paid off as they are not phased at all by baby. If I have the playmat and toys out the dogs go in the kitchen. We have a couch in the living room they have never been allowed on so I set myself up for feeding/cuddles on that and let them through for company.

[Adarajames]

If they aren't happy when put behind gate, make sure to give them something special like a stuffed Kong to distract them, they'll soon associate it with treats and be more than happy to settle behind the gate leaving you to focus on baby

[hahahaIdontgetit]

All sounds very positive today OP, I really hope it continues to be.