Are you in love with your teenaged DS?

[Bonsoir]

A few months ago, a mother at school who has a little girl in DD's class (ie 6 years old), told me that she spent most of her time with her 15 year old DS because "he wasn't going to be with her for much longer". She had a sort of starry-eyed look when she spoke of him. I subsequently learned that her DH lives in another country (though the whole family gets together often). It is quite clear that the mother in question (who is a very nice person) is besotted with her DS. I have met him, and he is very gorgeous (if you like 15 year olds).

A couple of days ago DP was talking to exW and told me that she is totally smitten with DSS1 (also 15). exW has a boyfriend, but he is not much cop. DP is sure that exW was just thrilled to be spending all this weekend with DSS1 (he is elsewhere with DSS2 and exW's BF is also elsewhere).

Not having had brothers and not having had sons, I look on bemused. But I told this story to the mother of two young sons yesterday, and she smiled and said, yes, she does sometimes fantasise about what her elder DS will be like when he is in his late teens.

Does anyone relate to this?

[pagwatch]

actually I do tend to Moo over DS1 but that is a whole other story.

Mooning? Def not

[RheaSylvia]

LOL mooing

[CoupleofKooks]

i am going to follow you round the board starry eyed

[CoupleofKooks]

i mooed when i gave birth to ds2

[dizietsma]

Perhaps I'm missing something because I only read the first page, but that was enough TBH.

[Greensleeves]

Baaah!!

[OrmRenewed]

"you can't unpick maternal love into different types, it is one stream and it is total"

Well exactly. I think my children are amazing and beautiful even when they aren't. I put up with behaviour from them I wouldn't put up with from anyone else. I am intensely interested in what they do and how they feel about things. That is being 'in love' isn't it?

[RheaSylvia]

OP, you had neither the manners nor the conviction to reply to anyone once it was clear too many people didn't agree with you.

[Bonsoir]

I thought the thread was interesting to begin with and then descended into really dull, sanctimonious finger-wagging, that's all! Not worth talking about!

[MrsFlittersnoop]

Bonsoir, I think the key here is in your earlier post - "Not having had brothers and not having had sons, I look on bemused."

No experience of "fraternal" love, or of mothering a son? Of course we must seem odd to you!

I only have the one DS (just 14) and was a relatively elderly (35) first time mother. I was completely blown away by my maternal feelings when he was born. For some reason I'd assumed I was expecting a DD (don't ask me why ) and it took me some time to work out where these strangely familiar emotions were coming from.

I had forgotten just how much I adored and doted on my younger brother (18 months younger than me) when he was a baby and toddler. Our relationship degenerated into the usual sibling rivalry by the time we started school, and didn't really recover until we were adults.

But loving a baby boy just seemed natural, and different to loving a baby girl IYSWIM.

I must confess, I'm guilty of bragging about boring my mates about how tall and handsome and witty and clever DS is .

Not sexual at all. And deffo not symptomatic of a crap love-life.

[booyhoo]

OH's mum is still in love with him. she hates me

[AnyFucker]

Bonsoir...I think your disdain and outright hatred of your Dp's wife is very, very apparent here

Stop hinting, you dirty-minded cow and say what you really want to say

[secunda]

This happened in 'Lewis' the other night. The mother ended up going crazy and trying to murder his fiancee with a mirror.

[Goblinchild]

MrsFlittersnoop, I think you've hit the nail on the head.
I've got a brother that I love a great deal, and a DS. And a DD. Nephews and nieces.
There is a lot of admiration, hugging and cuddling and starry-eyed appreciation. Brother and I are aware of how attractive all our children are,and tell them regularly.
A lot of joking and affection is passed around, and we contact each other when apart.
We like spending time with each other, in any combination.
Poor Bonsoir. You have missed out on experiencing something unique.It is possible to love males without lust.
It is possible to look at the child and fantasise about the adult they might become, and to look at the teenager and wonder about the man. Without wanting to bed them.

[MrsFlittersnoop]

I have several singleton girlfriends who find it hard to relate to their sons. Not that they don't love 'em to bits, but bloke culture is a bit of a mystery to them.

My lovely DB now lives in Oz with SIL and my 2 dollies little nieces . We spend HOURS on the phone (DB is a STAHD) talking about how wonderful our respective offspring are, sharing tips about potty training, hormone storms, school-gate parent relationships etc.

DH and SIL discuss cryptology and algorithms .

[PortiaNovmerriment]

I think this is more about your own issues with your DP's ex-wife, Bonsoir. You seem to hint that any pride she takes in her sons is misplaced and inappropriate- perhaps because you don't feel like she deserves to take any credit for how they've turned out? So sneering that her maternal love is a little grubby and suggests an inadequacy in her sexual relationship (afterall, you have got her husband now) is reassuring to you. It is odd to me that you sometimes justify your own difficult feelings as social anthropology.

Oops, after being a little scathing of your motives here, I must remember to add a

[AnyFucker]

Interesting that the fragant Bonsoir didn't come back to justify her twisted logic here...

[SixtyFootDoll]

What a sinister turn this thread has taken, when I posted initially I thought it was a nice change to post how lovley our sons are.

Feel a bit sick now.

[PortiaNovmerriment]

I think it was always going to turn out faintly sinister as it involves the ex-wife...

[MollieO]

What an odd thread. Ds is many years off being a teenager but I can imagine being proud of him. It will have nothing to do with his looks but everything to do with his personality and interests in life. He is currently a very beautiful 6 yr old who (thank god) looks nothing like his arse of a father (but is the spit of me ).

[scaryteacher]

I love my teenage ds to bits, but can see all his faults. That doesn't mean I am not proud of him, miss him when he is away, as he makes me laugh; but I know he will be off to sixth form back in the UK in 2 years now, and thence to uni, so the time we have left is limited.

I have two years to turn him into something vaguely domesticated, so we will be doing 'chores' lessons this summer!

[ZZZenAgain]

"A couple of days ago DP was talking to exW and told me that she is totally smitten with DSS1 (also 15). exW has a boyfriend, but he is not much cop. DP is sure that exW was just thrilled to be spending all this weekend with DSS1 (he is elsewhere with DSS2 and exW's BF is also elsewhere)."

It's this bit Anna which makes it difficult for me to swallow the post. A few times I've noticed that you report how you and your dp discuss his ex-wife together and you seem to be laughing about her for various things. I don't know any of you personally of course and so I have no idea how deserving she might be of the ridicule but you are very harsh about her, you know.

If it had not been for that bit about the ex wife and her wanting to be alone with her son, I would have said you raise some interesting points and I don't know, possibly there is a period when boys are on the verge of manhood when their mother might well see the man first and the son second. Really don't know

[ZZZenAgain]

I suppose it might explain the MIL problem a bit.

[roundthebend4]

I look at ds1 and ds2 and can see why ther eboth turning heads , yes im proud of not just good looking young men they are im prouder of how everyone commenst on their attuides .

Though I did have slightly haughty tone when young lady started making cow eyes at ds2 and said to her friend at bar oh he is gorgeous , I just want to take him home and she did not mean to tuck him into bed .Did point out rather fast to the young ladies that at just 13 he might be tad young for her ,

[cory]

What about those of us who look at our beautiful dds and think of the gorgeous women they're going to grow into?