Are you in love with your teenaged DS?

[Bonsoir]

A few months ago, a mother at school who has a little girl in DD's class (ie 6 years old), told me that she spent most of her time with her 15 year old DS because "he wasn't going to be with her for much longer". She had a sort of starry-eyed look when she spoke of him. I subsequently learned that her DH lives in another country (though the whole family gets together often). It is quite clear that the mother in question (who is a very nice person) is besotted with her DS. I have met him, and he is very gorgeous (if you like 15 year olds).

A couple of days ago DP was talking to exW and told me that she is totally smitten with DSS1 (also 15). exW has a boyfriend, but he is not much cop. DP is sure that exW was just thrilled to be spending all this weekend with DSS1 (he is elsewhere with DSS2 and exW's BF is also elsewhere).

Not having had brothers and not having had sons, I look on bemused. But I told this story to the mother of two young sons yesterday, and she smiled and said, yes, she does sometimes fantasise about what her elder DS will be like when he is in his late teens.

Does anyone relate to this?

[ChickensHaveNoEyebrows]

As the mother of two undoubtedly gorgeous sons, I can imagine being very proud of seeing them grow in to men. But I will not be 'in love' with them. That is more than a little creepy.

[Lilymaid]

Is ths more of a French thing? I hadn't really noticed what a handsome hunk DS2 is until a friend who lived in France commented on him (and told me how he had dumped the most beautiful and talented girl at school). Much as I love both DSs I prefer to treat them with a rather lighter touch and let them have their life with their friends.

[YunoYurbubson]

I think to apply this just to teenaged sons and their mothers is to take a wrong road. I could be described as 'in love' with my 4yo daughter by these rules. I am besotted with her - she is beautiful and I could watch her for hours, I love spending time with her, I find her interesting, funny, sweet, clever, everything she does is fascinating to me.

[noddyholder]

agree with pag

[pagwatch]

I don't think so Lily

I have had people comment on DS1s looks since he was about 12. It has never made me dewey eyed or ponder whether there is anything which my husband lacks.

Is there nothing that cannot be left simple and innocent. We now have hysteria over stranger danger, old men in the park are open for scrutiny, MILs relationship with DILs is a power struggle, BFing is all about the mother etc etc... and now our teenage sons are pseudo suitors used to take mothers mind off her aging partner.

[PrimroseCrabapple]

i'm with cyb.

i should clarify - i am in no way suggesting an inappropriate relationship.

however, i would liken it to an old style crush such as when you idolise someone (either sex) for their presence, values etc and put them on a bit of a pedestal. It doesn't mean you fancy them but does mean you revere them a bit.

[PrimroseCrabapple]

i expect there is a bunch of maternal pride involved too as in "look what i made, am i not amazing" reflected glory i suppose.

[Goober]

15 yr old DS is an arse at the mo. We are not friends any more.

[Bonsoir]

Maybe this thread will give you hope for an imminent upturn in your relationship, Goober

[Goober]

[RheaSylvia]

Bonsoir you really do take the biscuit.

I think your time would be better spent considering how you can support rather than undermine your stepsons' relationship with their mother than composing bitchy posts.

[Bonsoir]

Oh we are very supportive - DP has even suggested that exW takes DSS1 on holiday alone for two weeks at Christmas, and we'll have DSS2

[southeastastra]

my ds(16) is lovely but i don't really get what you mean and surely the same could be said of fathers of girls?

bemused

[nickschick]

I have 2 teenaged ds - both quite active sporty lads both very much lusted over by teenaged girls (and my friends )eldest one is the best example to use hes 16 almost 17 6'2 quite muscley,very bright chats with peers and older women(my mates again)hes doing A levels then hopes to train as a lawyer .....his tutors think a lot of him - hes just been photographed for the college prospectus.

Do I love him? I adore him and his 2 brothers.

We spend loads of time together in fact he wont go in town in the week unless I go too -he enjoys being with me (and my visa debit ).

Do I lust after him? no Im proud of the man hes turning into and guide him to treat girls with respect but in the words of that immemorable 'film' east to east 'I used to wipe his shitty arse' .

[noddyholder]

Nickschick that sounds like my relationship with ds.I spent all of last week standing outside changing rooms while ds tried on suits for his prom.I was proud to see how great he had turned out and was more than once told he was gorge by shop assistants but the wiping bum analogy is perfect.

[Greensleeves]

what a twisted and nasty thread

I adore my sons more than words can say, and they are beautiful as well as wonderful, and I enjoy their physical beauty as much as I enjoy their wit/hilarity/surreal humour/stubbornness etc

you can't unpick maternal love into different types, it is one stream and it is total

sexual attraction (that is what you are inferring, is it not?) is a completely separate and discrete thing - your obvious confusion about it makes me wonder about the tenacity of your grip on your own emotions tbh OP

frankly I pity the poor cow who ends up with ds1, she will be grey by the time she is 30

[dizietsma]

Gross! That's your sons you're talking about! Can you imagine how outraged people would be if fathers were talking about their daughters this way?

[Greensleeves]

to whom are you speaking dietzma?

[dizietsma]

To all the people mooning over their teenaged sons. So inappropriate.

[Greensleeves]

but who is doing that? I can't see anyone on this thread mooning inappropriately.

Or did you just feel like spraying a bit of random lava over the proceedings?

[CoupleofKooks]

PMSL sorry but i do love you greeny

[pagwatch]

there is no one on the threads Mooing over their teengae sons. There are only people commenting on what a witless proposition that is.

So I am assuming that you haven't understood bothered to read the thread dizietzma

[Greensleeves]

and quite right too

[Greensleeves]

rofl at paggy mooing away

I think you might have missed the point a bit there

[pagwatch]

actually I do tend to Moo over DS1 but that is a whole other story.

Mooning? Def not