Are you in love with your teenaged DS?

[Bonsoir]

A few months ago, a mother at school who has a little girl in DD's class (ie 6 years old), told me that she spent most of her time with her 15 year old DS because "he wasn't going to be with her for much longer". She had a sort of starry-eyed look when she spoke of him. I subsequently learned that her DH lives in another country (though the whole family gets together often). It is quite clear that the mother in question (who is a very nice person) is besotted with her DS. I have met him, and he is very gorgeous (if you like 15 year olds).

A couple of days ago DP was talking to exW and told me that she is totally smitten with DSS1 (also 15). exW has a boyfriend, but he is not much cop. DP is sure that exW was just thrilled to be spending all this weekend with DSS1 (he is elsewhere with DSS2 and exW's BF is also elsewhere).

Not having had brothers and not having had sons, I look on bemused. But I told this story to the mother of two young sons yesterday, and she smiled and said, yes, she does sometimes fantasise about what her elder DS will be like when he is in his late teens.

Does anyone relate to this?

[CoupleofKooks]

hmm. it's a bit dh lawrence isn't it
i don't know. as mother of two absolutely destined to be gorgeous sons, i feel uncomfortable about what you are saying
it's like, you are allowed to love them, but only up to a certain point. and then the insinuations about these mothers not having a partner around etc
i think it's a bit sordid gossipy really
i think if you are a lovely young man then your mother SHOULD adore you
why the fuck not?

[NomDePlume]

like some sort or reverse oedipus ?

I think perhaps you might want to be careful about what you're suggesting here....

[beanlet]

this is a really creepy topic. . . [goes off and bleaches her eyes]

[cyb]

My Mum is DEF in love with my older brother. She lights up when she talks about him and snuggles up against him in photos, she NEVER does that to my Dad

Moi and my oldest? I do ADORE him. He is unfeasibly handsome . But I love my dh. Perhaps its women who have bad marriages who love their sons more

[CoupleofKooks]

yes it's quite insulting isn't it? i mean are you actually saying that these women want to fuck their sons? because you are skirting a bit close to it, aren't you?

[NomDePlume]

x posts with a coupleofkooks

I think if this post was was about fathers and their teenaged daughters posters would be up in arms.

[gramercy]

At least it is one of the pros of having a ds. There's all this subtle (and not so subtle!) anti-boy stuff going on but it is a pleasure to go out with your ds. Mine's only 11, but I feel immensely proud (don't know why!) when it's just him and me out somewhere.

You often see mothers of sons swanning round Waitrose with floppy-haired boys in tow. They have a sort of "look at me with my handsome escort that I bred " expression.

[CoupleofKooks]

yes NDP, i was surprised to read the first responses with everyone saying "oh YEEEEES" rather than "ew, what?"
i went away and thought about it, to see if it was just me being sensitive, but it's a bit grubby really, isn't it?

[NomDePlume]

uncomfortably so

[cyb]

but being in love and wanting to have sex with are 2 different things

aren't they?

[CoupleofKooks]

we-ellll, not totally cyb

i mean all this description of them as 'starry-eyed' and admiring their muscles, and fantasising about them and so on
that's not just loving them in a cerebral way, is it

[noddyholder]

I love my ds to bits he is 16 gorgeous and full of life and anticipation but I am in love with dp and hope that some day someone will feel about ds like I feel about dp but it won't be me!

[ApocalypseCheese]

My eyes, my eyes! Please somebody make them fall out please !

[cyb]

no couple I see that

But assuming these parents are thinking in a really inappropriate way about their kids is also equally

[RheaSylvia]

No I think the clear message from the OP is that it is not an ordinary maternal love she is describing but an inappropriate "in love' feeling.

Do you have any ds's of your own, OP? I mean are you perhaps wondering what it is like to have sons? I think there is also a huge pleasure in seeing in your son (or daughter, I imagine - I don't have any) the characteristics (physical, emotional, etc) that drew you to his father, to see these good things replicated in the next generation is fantastic.

[cyb]

we gush about our children when they are babies like that..well I didnt , but lots of people do

But what I mean is, we LOVE our babies when they are little so completely (not cerebrally) but their feeet and their bums and everything. perhaps for some parents that doesnt go

[CoupleofKooks]

i'm not assuming they ARE cyb
i think the OP is saying that they are

[cyb]

my ds is the double of me...does that mean I adore myself?

[RheaSylvia]

This was the part by Bonsoir that clarified:

"I'm not talking about the love you feel for your children. I'm talking about women (perhaps in particular ones whose couple relationships are not fulfilling) falling in love with their teenage DSs"

and the suggestion that this happens post-puberty, on the brink of manhood. Let's not be disingenuous.

[CoupleofKooks]

yes i agree, i was besotted, starry eyed, all of that, over ds1 when he was a baby
if someone had insinuated i was inappropriately in love with him because my relationship with my partner was lacking, i would have found that very hurtful

[cyb]

well ...think perhaps the OP is making a giant leap there

[noddyholder]

Fantasising about what your kids might be like as young adults is not weird though and that is what i understood from the OP.

[frikonastick]

jesus. this thread is horrific.

What The Fuck are you saying? that women must of course lust after their teenage SONS because they dont have a satisfactory man in their lives.

how do you have such a low opinion of women and mothers when you are in fact both of those bonsoir (and others agreeing with her!!!!)?

[pagwatch]

Oh dear lord - what nonsense

My DS1 is 17 . He is quite gorgeous. He has been moulded a fair bit by me in terms of manners, curtesy , respect and responsibilty.

I have a certain awe at the fact that one of my children is teetering on the edge of adulthood. He is a boy - the trappings of adulthood are in part at least manliness. That does not make make me dewey eyed and is no more weird than if DD reaches 17 and is beautiful and athletic and healthy.

I am proud of his maturity , his kindness. I am pleased that he is handsome because life is easier and he is blissfully unaware. i am proud that my care and affection for him has helped him reach adulthood with an efficient , healthy althletic body which serves him well.

I love him dearly as I do all my other children.

Everything else suggested on here is just the slimey ofthose who ought to get a hobby.

[RheaSylvia]

The OP doesn't say it's to do with fantasising about what your children will be like as young adults.

She describes a mother's admiration and love for her already teenaged (and gorgeous, and muscular) son as somehow a new "in love" feeling which may compensate for her having left her husband / partner being not much cop / I don't know what and the suggestion is that her feelings are inappropriate.

I think this makes too many assumptions about how the mother actually feels, and treads dangerous ground, as I said.