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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Please help me help our son

36 replies

Angelasweetcheeks · 22/04/2026 22:53

My DS is 15. He is number 3 of 4. The others all have a somewhat similar nature to each other but he has always been less confident and outgoing.

We are really struggling to get him to take any kind of responsibility to do anything. When I say anything, I really mean it. Left to his own devices and without specific instructions he will complete the bare minimum of tasks. For instance, he won't put his contact lenses in, I'm not always convinced that he'd brush his teeth. I came home from work the other day and he hadn't changed out of his pyjamas, hadn't opened the curtains in his room, had eaten Weetabix for lunch because he couldn't be bothered to heat the food that was left in the fridge. He won't remember to let the dogs out regularly or feed them. He takes no care of his belongings. It is pointless spending any money on things for him as he just drops them when he's finished with them. He had some post today and opened it and left the packaging on his bedroom floor. He had some cereal and left his bowl and the milk out. He gets an allowance each month which he fritters away on junk food and then needs extra money if he wants to do anything with his friends (I give him this because actually it wouldn't bother him at all if I said no, he'd just stay at home). No matter how much we try to adapt or support, nothing changes.

Screens are a huge issue and today we have removed them all. He has friends - neighbours and kids from school but he makes no effort to see them. He's lucky that they seem to be happy to take the lead in the friendship.

He is taking GSCE's this year and getting him to complete any form of revision is just painful. He doesn't argue or become aggressive. He just doesn't do it - I'll ask him to get his textbook for instance and he'll disappear and not return. So I have to ask again, and again and again. Every little task is painful. Unfortunately for him, if he doesn't get the grades he needs then he will be forced to leave his current school. I know this isn't what he wants (he would struggle in a new environment) but he won't do anything to make it not happen.

I feel like I am constantly down on him because it's just so frustrating and I probably back away because I'm really struggling to cope with it at the moment.

I don't know how to help him. I'm worried for his future. I'm worried about what life will look like for him.

Any advice gratefully received (he is not ND but does have some traits).

OP posts:
MoreThanOnePostcardFromTheEdge · Yesterday 13:18

CantMakerHerThink · Yesterday 08:04

this is literally adhd. He had no dopamine and so no desire to do ANYTHING even if it benefits him. It’s not the laziness you seem to think it is, can’t you see he’s the one who is not benefiting by not being able to engage? He is a person in his own right and not an extension of you or your body. The fact that he is so different to his siblings is a big factor too. This isn’t a parenting issue. It’s a brain/mood regulation issue.

Show quote history

I would be very careful OP about taking posts commenting on your son's brain dopamine level seriously. Dopamine levels in the brain is a theory at best.

Pearlstillsinging · Yesterday 13:21

Angelasweetcheeks · 22/04/2026 22:53

My DS is 15. He is number 3 of 4. The others all have a somewhat similar nature to each other but he has always been less confident and outgoing.

We are really struggling to get him to take any kind of responsibility to do anything. When I say anything, I really mean it. Left to his own devices and without specific instructions he will complete the bare minimum of tasks. For instance, he won't put his contact lenses in, I'm not always convinced that he'd brush his teeth. I came home from work the other day and he hadn't changed out of his pyjamas, hadn't opened the curtains in his room, had eaten Weetabix for lunch because he couldn't be bothered to heat the food that was left in the fridge. He won't remember to let the dogs out regularly or feed them. He takes no care of his belongings. It is pointless spending any money on things for him as he just drops them when he's finished with them. He had some post today and opened it and left the packaging on his bedroom floor. He had some cereal and left his bowl and the milk out. He gets an allowance each month which he fritters away on junk food and then needs extra money if he wants to do anything with his friends (I give him this because actually it wouldn't bother him at all if I said no, he'd just stay at home). No matter how much we try to adapt or support, nothing changes.

Screens are a huge issue and today we have removed them all. He has friends - neighbours and kids from school but he makes no effort to see them. He's lucky that they seem to be happy to take the lead in the friendship.

He is taking GSCE's this year and getting him to complete any form of revision is just painful. He doesn't argue or become aggressive. He just doesn't do it - I'll ask him to get his textbook for instance and he'll disappear and not return. So I have to ask again, and again and again. Every little task is painful. Unfortunately for him, if he doesn't get the grades he needs then he will be forced to leave his current school. I know this isn't what he wants (he would struggle in a new environment) but he won't do anything to make it not happen.

I feel like I am constantly down on him because it's just so frustrating and I probably back away because I'm really struggling to cope with it at the moment.

I don't know how to help him. I'm worried for his future. I'm worried about what life will look like for him.

Any advice gratefully received (he is not ND but does have some traits).

This was my first thought. I have taught several ND children and he sounds quite typical.

ShesRunningOutTheDoor · Yesterday 13:22

I would let him off everything but the revision right now.
if he is 15 he’s young for his year. I would do ‘body doubling’ while he revises at kitchen table for instance or just actively revise with him.

ScabbyHorse · Yesterday 14:07

I was actually thinking depression more than anything.. can you talk to him and say you’re worried about him and all the reasons ie what he isn’t doing, and say you think he needs to go to the doctor.

Lovetoplan · Yesterday 19:03

Sounds like ADHD and if so removing the screens and his access to an online world is disastrous. He needs more support not less. He likely has problems with organising himself and with procrastination. If so regular sensitive reminders can help. Don't expect too much, help him to function, try to reduce his stress. See the Senco at school for more support.

Wildefish · Yesterday 19:48

DiscoBeat · 22/04/2026 23:03

Please get him assessed for ADHD

As a son with ADHD this was what he was like at this age

Vitrolinsanity · Yesterday 20:51

Sounds like my son at his age. Reduce the screens is really the best way to de-zombie. In the real world they meet girls. Gamechanger.

Original poster
Angelasweetcheeks · Yesterday 21:55

Thanks for all the comments. He is such a lovely sweet boy. We don't compare him to his siblings but I know that must be difficult for him sometimes as they are all high achievers in one area or another and they get attention for that. They get frustrated at him because he gets praise and attention for doing things they do as part of their normal routine i.e. doing homework or walking the dog for instance. It is very hard to get the balance right. It probably doesn't help that he is massively physically immature. He has started growing this side of Christmas but his voice hasn't broken and he has no body hair yet (the same happened with my eldest son) so he's having to deal with puberty as well as the stress of GCSEs.

He is still not talking to me for removing his screens but it will pass. I have hugged him and told him I love him despite the stony glare. We just need get through this stage and come out the other side.

OP posts:
ItsOkItsDarkChocolate · Today 08:17

Angelasweetcheeks · Yesterday 21:55

Thanks for all the comments. He is such a lovely sweet boy. We don't compare him to his siblings but I know that must be difficult for him sometimes as they are all high achievers in one area or another and they get attention for that. They get frustrated at him because he gets praise and attention for doing things they do as part of their normal routine i.e. doing homework or walking the dog for instance. It is very hard to get the balance right. It probably doesn't help that he is massively physically immature. He has started growing this side of Christmas but his voice hasn't broken and he has no body hair yet (the same happened with my eldest son) so he's having to deal with puberty as well as the stress of GCSEs.

He is still not talking to me for removing his screens but it will pass. I have hugged him and told him I love him despite the stony glare. We just need get through this stage and come out the other side.

Good luck!

Bold move but I think a good one. See what comes of it…

I also agree there is likely undiagnosed ND here, also depression.

Drag him to the GP?

waterrat · Today 09:29

I mean..he sounds both possibly neurodiverse (you mention avoiding friends_ ) but I also think this falls within the personality type for some teen boys!

You seem angry that he has different standards of tidyness and work than you do. He is a teenage boy! They just don't care - well some of them don't

My son is a lot like this although is he more sociable - I think it's within 'normal' doesn't mean it's not hard to witness

I would really drop the pathologising and anger.

He may be ND but being angry won't help. And how he behaves now does not necessarily mean life later will be harder.

waterrat · Today 09:31

really disagree that ADHD kids 'need' screens.

this is why modern childhood is plagued with anxiety - ADHD kids need to move! to be in the world, to feel a sense of accomplishment and achievement - not to get stuck addicted and indoors gaming all the time

I think some gaming is fine / fun/ good for kids socially - but ADHD kids absolutely do not 'need ' it as some sort of health benefit

If you live with a teen boy you see how addictive that gaming can be - it really makes the outside world gray and less appealling.

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