What's typical behaviour of a 14 year old girl?

[ZippyBlueViper]

DD is 14 and im really struggling with her, i feel like I don't even know my own child anymore and that breaks my heart.
Please can people share what is typical day to day behaviour of their 14 year old girls?

Sorry you’re going through this, but it’s probably easier if you describe what’s concerning you about her then people can advise.

Also have a 14 year old here and I would say that there is no average day because they don’t know themselves. I think they’re so busy pushing away that they forget who they are - and sometimes all they need is for you to recognise that and say something like ‘I’m going to get some chocolate and watch Friends on the sofa, fancy it?’ For them to remember that they’re not actually grown yet and they quite like being mummied. It’s hard for us to remember but even my 17 year old likes being parented every now and again - 14 year old girls definitely do! Don’t give up on her!

The thing with other people’s children is that some will describe kids that are completely off the rails for various reasons , some will have kids that are as good as gold and some that are somewhere in the middle. Comparing your DD won’t help much with her behaviour or what is typical for HER.

What are her behaviours that concern you?

I had a stand up fight in the supermarket aisle once with a friend as to who was the worst mother in the world as we were both wearing that label before 8 am. I have a lovely daughter and friend has a lovely daughter.

Dd came out yelling before 7 one morning “ etc, etc etc I hate you “. I just looked at her and said “you’d better get a wriggle on and catch the bus. I’m going back to bed”. She just stammered away “but, but, why?” I just said “my ambition today was to be hated by you and I’ve done it. I can go back to bed”. Oh, her face was a picture.

I saw my job to be her sounding board. And it got hard at times. I did pull her up if she got too rude but much of the time what she was yelling about wasn’t the thing she was upset about. But she always knows that my arms are open to her (like a Joey diving into mums pouch head first) even now, years later.

And I always had gin in the house for a few years.

I have a dd14. Her behaviour is normal to me. Happy 90% of the time. Some ups and downs with friendships but more stable now- friendships affect her mood the most. We don’t argue, I don’t have to ‘punish’ her for anything. She’s very self motivated with her studies and sport. She’s very affectionate with her actions and words. We have a great, open and loving relationship and I hope it continues, though I’m not under any illusions.

My 13 year old has just come out of a two year kevin the teenager phase. He is nearly 14 but jesus it's been horrendous.

Loathed us, eye rolled or furious or cringing at every word we say - no sense of humour, hated school, would do nothing but game online/ stare at phone in the house - though did still have sport/ hang outs with friends out of the houser.

I think teens/ children are all different - people can come on here and say oh my teen is lovely - then you will feel crap! but I can promise you - many many teens are developmentally totally normal - and they are bad tempered, don't want to be around their parents much and generally not much fun for the rest of the family!

it's developmentally appropriate. I do think screens aren't helpful in our modern times of course.

However to give you a light in the tunnel my son has really changed recently so they do go through ups and downs hormonally I think

Mine's great. I don't think she's typical.

What's happening for you?

My DD (14) s very difficult right now. Down in the dumps a lot. Not very communicative or engaged or interested in life. Really hard to know how much of that is normal teen and how much I should worry. Good luck to all going through it. It’s a really hard stage of parenting IMO.

Some days- heavenly. Others not so much.

PMS is abundant, irregular and intense.

She has bad skin and it’s starting to really get to her.

Hard.

This makes me feel a little bit better about my 11 year old DD. Since she's started secondary school this has been her to a T. It's not fun to be in the house with her at the moment which makes me really sad.

You don't know your own child any more because she is a child no longer. She is an adolescent soon-to-be young woman and she's finding it as hard as you are.

dd1 at 14 - withdrawn, secretive, self harming, anxious, unable to stay in lessons, lonely, abused.

dd2 at 14 - friendly, affectionate, sometimes
snappy, organised, active, engaged, untidy, sometimes grumpy.

what’s yours like OP?
It’s heartbreaking when your child struggles.

Mine is the same as @MinimumRage. Mood swings in abundance. Grumpy, irritable, always on her phone, arguing with everyone. It’s pretty tough at the moment. The only time she really wants to spend with me is watching tv, so we bond over thrillers at the moment.

Entirely depends on the child. I've two DDs, ones now 24 the other is 15. Absolute worlds apart. Eldest was a nightmare that bad I wouldn't have wished it on my worst enemy, however it turned out she was bipolar (diagnosed two years ago). Youngest is a dream by comparison, no bother at all, has a nice group of friends, does all her schoolwork and is an all round pretty good egg!

Dc1 was hard. Not to us, but withdrawn and isolated and a bit weird. Went down autism route but didn't get far, because he was coping academically at school, even though sociallyhe was a disaster. They gave up leaflets and fobbed us off. But thinking of him as auadhd has helped us, and him, a lot.

Dc2 wants to fit in. Compliant, sunny nature, perfectionist. But I worry she's masking like fuck, based on her toddler behaviour.

Both have been easier than I was.

Tbh mine is lovely. Sweet, kind, helpful and her normal self. Occasionally we get a bit of sass and backchat, or a sulky moment but tbh it passes pretty quickly! I very much enjoy her company.
I’m terrified it won’t last 😂

Honestly, so far DD 14 has been amazing. The odd hormone related argument/meltdown but overall she is kind, thoughtful, caring and hilariously funny. That won't help you though so much better not to compare your child to any other as they are all individuals.
I was a nightmare teen but had undiagnosed ADHD (DD is pretty much NT) so was expecting the worse but so far we are hitting lucky 🤞.

Hi. Please could you let me know how your eldest was a nightmare. As my 14 year old daughter is and I have thought could she be bipolar x