Oh the shame - 14yo DD's act of rebellion at school

[thenamehaschanged]

Just looking for some friendly words!

DD is really well behaved normally, a good pupil etc, no behaviour points, always positive parent evenings & reports.

She'd been telling me recently that there's a teacher who doesn't like her and has been telling her off for a couple of things, nothing major (talking when not supposed to be) and one thing she was innocent of AND now, she's taken complete leave of her senses and left used chewing gum on this teachers chair on Friday

Three kids told the teacher and they have come down on her like a ton of bricks. I'm going to get a dry cleaning bill.

People in RL i've told have laughed about it, but I feel so upset for her as this means her card will be marked now.

She's promised never to do anything like that again, we've talked about how bad 'taking revenge' is, how this teacher would have felt and I've told her to just keep her head down from now on

We've had a lot going on at home, her father was abusive and we don't see him anymore, but she's always seemed fine and on the whole is a great kid who I'm proud of usually.

Just feel sad for her now - don't know what she can expect on Monday.

[Soontobe60]

At her age, my maths teacher humiliated me in front of the class by accusing me of writing him a rude letter and leaving it in his pigeon hole. I knew nothing about it! He read out this note to everyone and they were all shocked. He also made me get up and copy a sentence from it onto the board to check the handwriting. I was absolutely gutted that a. Another girl should be so cruel as to do that to me to get me into trouble, and b. The teacher would not believe I didn't do it.
I really wanted to get my own back on him, but didn't have enough courage. I feel your DDs pain in being accused of doing something she didn't do, so can, in a way, understand what she did.

[SleightOfMind]

Oh lord, I could see my DD doing something like this.
She’s very invested in being one of the good ones and struggles with the inevitable injustices that occur in a large school.

She also holds a grudge with a vicelike grip and has never forgiven a poor dinner lady who once wrongly accused her.

She’s waged a war against the poor woman for three years now.
I’ve reigned in as much as I can but she’s like a terminator!

[Rainuntilseptember15]

She's a child, this is what children do
Never had it happen to me in well over ten years in schools. Accidentally yes, there's a lot of gum around, but on purpose I'd feel very upset about that.
Whatever this young girl had to say about the teacher's behaviour toward her is now negated by the behaviour. When someone is in the wrong, use the proper channels to complain about it (ie get your mum in). Not, take some petty unpleasant revenge and then get your mum in.

[Rainuntilseptember15]

An apology letter written under duress in isolation would mean jack shit to me. Anyway she clearly isn't sorry, just sorry to be caught.

[Bluerussian]

In her place I wouldn't be sorry.

Is the teacher sorry for singling her out when she has done nothing wrong? She's a bully and not impartial.

[Wolfiefan]

@Reginabambina we don’t know the teacher did mistreat her.
I am happy to forgive and forget and move on. But laugh about my kids behaving badly? Nope.
You may think that makes me a bore.
Actually I think it makes me a responsible parent who’s trying hard to raise decent kids.

[LolaSmiles]

She's a child, this is what children do
No they don't. I hate this low bar some adults have of children.
The vast majority of students I've taught have been friendly, kind, funny, silly, insightful, witty, polite, respectful and a pleasure to work with, even those who were a diamond in the rough had many of these qualities under the bravado.

If things need to be queried and challenged then there's ways to do it. The vast majority of students and parents know this and do things appropriately.

Sadly the minority don't get this.

[Quadrangle]

I am a bit surprised by how disgusted people are by a bit of chewing gum. It's only saliva
She made chewing gum get stuck to her work clothes on purpose. That's what people are reacting to. If a child purposely stuck chewing gum stuck on my dcs' school uniform I'd be pretty annoyed. Assume some on this thread would have a good chuckle if it happened to their child?

[Reginabambina]

@Wolfiefan really? Surely that’s makes you the kind of parent that is likely to raise children who struggle to think freely or resist arbitrary authority. Instead of suppressing and oppressing children we should give them the opportunity to develop, a key part of that development is doing outlandish and outrageous things in the early pubescent years. If they don’t learn to deal with their will through making mistakes then they will either spend the rest of their lives as sheep and never reach anything near their full potential or they will go off the rails when it is too late to help them through it. Knowing how to control ones own will without killing it is an essential life skill and like all essential life skills is only acquired through trial and error.

[SoupDragon]

Instead of suppressing and oppressing children we should give them the opportunity to develop, a key part of that development is doing outlandish and outrageous things in the early pubescent years.

Which doesn't mean you let them get away with bad behaviour or laugh when they exhibit bad behaviour.

[thenamehaschanged]

You'd really like my girl if you met her, and might actually feel a bit of compassion if it's possible for you.

Just, you know...check your chair before you sit down.

[Verbena87]

I’m a secondary teacher and some of my most brilliant a level students had very patchy behaviour lower down the school.

I think the key to raising great teenagers is to talk and listen to them like whole people, to give them responsibility/agency over their own lives as far as possible, have high expectations of them and love them hard. Kids who have parents like that seem to transcend the chewing gummy years reasonably gracefully!

[LeafCutterAnt]

You'd really like my girl if you met her, and might actually feel a bit of compassion if it's possible for you
I feel compassion for the teacher having the embarrassment of sitting on chewing gum. I haven't noticed you feeling compassion for her, only for your dd for getting caught!

Just, you know...check your chair before you sit down
You're the one that needs to do that. She might do it to you too if you piss her off!

[Casino218]

She's been naughty - yes. But no one has died. If she's ashamed and remorseful then it's a learning curve for her.

[SimplySteveRedux]

A senior teacher, when DS was 13/14, kept winding him up and generally taking the piss out of his dyspraxia. It got so bad that DS smashed a plate glass window and kicked the glass out of a floor-to-ceiling door.

School tried to send us the bill, said teacher is now the head.

[thenamehaschanged]

That’s terrible simplySteve - I’m sorry that happened to your DS

Thanks everyone for your advice and support. It did cheer me up as I (& dd) felt awful about it.

Leafcutterant- you don’t know me, you don’t know my daughter, you don’t know that I’ve already expressed compassion to the school and to dd about the teacher’s experience- you sound like you froth at the mouth though when you’re up on your high horse.

I’m off this chat now. Bye

[Sunshinegirl82]

To be fair, the OP has made it very clear that her DD is not getting away with anything and the PP who mentioned laughing was talking about doing so years after the event when the child in question was a fully functioning adult.

I just don't think some chewing gum on a chair is crime of the century. It's entirely likely that is means nothing more than she got angry (possibly justifiably) and, in her teenage state, couldn't control her impulses on this occasion. She's been reprimanded, I'm sure she will learn from it. Adults make mistakes all the time, people aren't perfect.

[mencken]

bitchy thing to do (and the fact that it wasn't drawing pins is a low bar) but sounds like suitable punishment. Let's hope she is really sorry. Perhaps wreck something she treasures if she isn't.

[CinderellasSecrets]

Mencken so show her that ruining things is the wrong way to go about treating someone who has upset you....by ruining something belonging to someone who has upset you. Yes fantastic way to teach something there is only one child in this scenario and it isn't the teacher or the parent, and as a child OPs daughter is receiving a suitable consequence as it is.

[teachandsleep]

Wonder how some of the posters on here would feel if they had to spend the day with used chewing gum stuck to their clothes?!?
No wonder there isa discipline problem in schools if parents are condoning the childs response.
At the end of the day the teacher was only doing her job!

[belay]

Dry cleaning bill? An ice cube will remove the gum

[Tombakersscarf]

Off every fabric, every time?

[colouringinpro]

OP It's not great, but you know that. You'll never know quite what the teacher was like. But you're making sure your dc understands there are consequences. Once they're done, put it behind you all.