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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Oh the shame - 14yo DD's act of rebellion at school

123 replies

thenamehaschanged · 17/02/2020 18:18

Just looking for some friendly words!

DD is really well behaved normally, a good pupil etc, no behaviour points, always positive parent evenings & reports.

She'd been telling me recently that there's a teacher who doesn't like her and has been telling her off for a couple of things, nothing major (talking when not supposed to be) and one thing she was innocent of AND now, she's taken complete leave of her senses and left used chewing gum on this teachers chair on Friday Shock

Three kids told the teacher and they have come down on her like a ton of bricks. I'm going to get a dry cleaning bill.

People in RL i've told have laughed about it, but I feel so upset for her as this means her card will be marked now.

She's promised never to do anything like that again, we've talked about how bad 'taking revenge' is, how this teacher would have felt and I've told her to just keep her head down from now on Sad

We've had a lot going on at home, her father was abusive and we don't see him anymore, but she's always seemed fine and on the whole is a great kid who I'm proud of usually.

Just feel sad for her now - don't know what she can expect on Monday.

Flowers
OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 18/02/2020 08:14

@ Wolfiefan
Ah, no I just wrote it badly. I meant the ops dd was paying the price for humiliating the teacher.

Original poster
thenamehaschanged · 18/02/2020 08:32

Thanks everyone - some of you have really cheered me up. I actually burst into tears after the HOY phoned me and had to have a moment sorting myself out in the work loos.

She’s pretty introspective- she was saying she doesn’t like seeing unfairness in the world, whether directed at someone else or at her. I said well sticking chewing gum to a person in authority, whether you think they are behaving unfairly or not, is also unfair. She knows.

Maybe she’ll be a lawyer Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
thenamehaschanged · 18/02/2020 08:35

I also think you need to explore if she was 'encouraged' to do this by 'friends'

I think she was a lone wolf, Lightsabre. It was the teachers form room and she held all the kids in there til they told. I think there may have been some reluctance

OP posts:
Wellthatsit · 18/02/2020 08:39

I am a bit surprised by how disgusted people are by a bit of chewing gum. It's only saliva! I assume those people have never kissed anyone on the lips in that case, and definitely no French kissing. There are a lot of other bodily emissions that would be a lot worse!
OP, I think it's a good sign that your daughter is prepared to stick up for herself, even if she went about it the wrong way.

Original poster
thenamehaschanged · 18/02/2020 08:43

Thank you wellthatsit

OP posts:
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 18/02/2020 08:49

I think that's an important lesson to learn at school really-not everyone likes you, you won't get on with everyone.

We are talking about a teacher, not another student. Teachers should be treating everyone equally.

FishCanFly · 18/02/2020 11:40

Kids prank teachers all the time. This is pretty harmless. Nobody got hurt, no serious damage done, apart from the cleaning bill.

ElderAve · 18/02/2020 11:47

At least when she's Prime Minister she'll have something better to say that running through a corn field.

She pays for the dry cleaning and apologies but I'd also hope that some sort of resolution meeting is arranged with DD and the teacher, as an otherwise well behaved child has been driven to such lengths.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 18/02/2020 11:56

She pays for the dry cleaning and apologies but I'd also hope that some sort of resolution meeting is arranged with DD and the teacher, as an otherwise well behaved child has been driven to such lengths

Yep. If the teacher has been unfair then this is also a problem. Next time don't get caught

MummySharn · 18/02/2020 12:06

I agree, I’d meet with the teacher as the way she is treating your DD isn’t fair

Aderyn19 · 18/02/2020 12:58

Former teacher here and I think you really do need to discuss this teacher's attitude towards your DD with the head. Be calm and explain that although you agree the chewing gum incident was not the way to go about things, this is part of a bigger picture. The teacher isn't blameless and I'd not be allowing the teacher to come out of this as if she has no responsibility at all!
I might be tempted to ask if DD is getting a dry cleaning bill, what is the teacher doing to compensate for falsely accusing her and for glaring at her at parents evening (which you witnessed). Not all teachers are nice people - I've seen some very petty behaviour from people who really should know better. Some teachers spend so much time with kids, they start acting like one themselves.

Also, don't be too hard on DD - she's a teenager and they don't think the same way as adults. If this had happened to me, I would not be feeling humiliation. I'd think 'little shit' , but actually it's quite funny.

zasknbg · 18/02/2020 13:10

I agree that you need to discuss the attitude of the teacher towards your dd. A minority of teachers really do pick on students and behave in a bullying manner. One of my kids has had this, good student, good grades, all teachers say pleasure to teach, highly engaged and interested. No behaviour points or detentions ever. Genuinely interested in all subjects and diligently does everything as told. 12 teachers thrilled. 1 teacher absolutely despises him for reasons unknown. There are difficult individuals in the world. The trick is to try and avoid them I suppose!

Copperblack · 18/02/2020 18:37

Wolfiefan
Yes we can laugh about it 11 years later. At the time it was awful, we were worried my husband’s job would be affected ( he was a teacher there), and that our son would be excluded, but because people took the time to find out what was going on in his life, he was able to move on, get his GCSEs, A levels and degree, work for a charity and now have a fantastic but caring job. We do not laugh lightly, but just because sometimes you have to find humour in the things that have happened in life and you can’t punish your children forever. While his behaviour was appalling there were circumstances that put it into context to some extent. But thanks for your judginess. My post was really just to offer some context that this won’t necessarily affect her daughter’s future, if it’s well handled.

MasakaBuzz · 18/02/2020 18:53

I think I would work on the basis that every dog is allowed one bite, and this is hers. So don’t crucify her over it. She will have to deal with the consequences of her actions. Talk with her about how else she could have dealt with the situation.

Wolfiefan · 18/02/2020 18:54

I never said you had to punish your children forever.
But I still can’t see it as something to laugh about. No matter what the “circumstances” were. Hmm

MyuMe · 18/02/2020 19:03

She deserves it

Foul manners

MyuMe · 18/02/2020 19:04

Her upbringing clearly hasn't taught her how not to be so disgusting

Copperblack · 18/02/2020 19:31

Wolfiefan. I never asked for your opinion or judgement. I was simply giving an example of how you can come back from difficult situations- I was coming from a place of kindness. What’s your motivation for your comments? Do you think they are helpful? Perhaps you should spend some time on self reflection rather than judging others.

Wolfiefan · 18/02/2020 19:39

You can come back from difficult situations. Of course you can.
I just don’t think we should laugh about our kids behaving really badly.
No self reflection needed.

Copperblack · 18/02/2020 19:49

As I said, I wasn’t asking for opinion or judgement. You know nothing about my family or our situation, so your views are utterly irrelevant. This is why I dip into Mumsnet so much less frequently these days, it’s so full of people who don’t see nuance in life.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 18/02/2020 19:54

God people are so horrible about children sometimes. She is 14 ffs!

DoreenSamuel · 18/02/2020 19:57

I think it’s important to use humour even when children do behave badly. What matters is that they learn from their mistakes and hopefully don’t repeat them.

I think this is quite funny op, (although not at the time maybe!), you will laugh about this in the future!

Some people take life way too seriously

Sunshinegirl82 · 18/02/2020 20:00

Did this stuff genuinely not happen when some posters were in school?! The level of outrage about it seems quite disproportionate to me. I don't have an up to date knowledge of secondary schools as my DC are preschoolers but when I was at school this was pretty run of the mill stuff!

We are talking about children. They don't make great decisions sometimes, that's pretty standard isn't it?

OP I would be tempted to speak to the HOY about the teacher, your DD was obviously pretty upset about how she's been treated if she acted so out of character. I'm sure it will all blow over.

Reginabambina · 18/02/2020 20:02

Wow, I can’t imagine someone snitching like that when I was at school (and that wasn’t that long ago!). Chewing gum on a chair is also very boring as far as acts of rebellion go. Kids just aren’t what they used to be.

Reginabambina · 18/02/2020 20:05

@Wolfiefan don’t be such a bore! It’s not like she killed someone. When you think about it it is actually funny in a petty pathetic anti climatic kind of way that a teacher took a dislike to her and mistreated her so as an act of revenge she plotted and schemes and ... wait for it ... put a piece of chewing gum on her chair.