Oh the shame - 14yo DD's act of rebellion at school

[thenamehaschanged]

Just looking for some friendly words!

DD is really well behaved normally, a good pupil etc, no behaviour points, always positive parent evenings & reports.

She'd been telling me recently that there's a teacher who doesn't like her and has been telling her off for a couple of things, nothing major (talking when not supposed to be) and one thing she was innocent of AND now, she's taken complete leave of her senses and left used chewing gum on this teachers chair on Friday

Three kids told the teacher and they have come down on her like a ton of bricks. I'm going to get a dry cleaning bill.

People in RL i've told have laughed about it, but I feel so upset for her as this means her card will be marked now.

She's promised never to do anything like that again, we've talked about how bad 'taking revenge' is, how this teacher would have felt and I've told her to just keep her head down from now on

We've had a lot going on at home, her father was abusive and we don't see him anymore, but she's always seemed fine and on the whole is a great kid who I'm proud of usually.

Just feel sad for her now - don't know what she can expect on Monday.

[CinderellasSecrets]

It is a bit gross and was obviously wrong and impulsive but she is receiving consequences and clearly knows it was bad behaviour. If she is generally well liked and well behaved then I do think that the teachers attitude towards her needs looking into as well, teachers aren't all wonderful and some can genuinley take against students. I was a really well behaved student, who literally never got into trouble (think the type who got picked on by other kids teachers pet/boffin type ) but one year we had a new teacher who I could not stand. He told us if we had a problem with his teaching then we could write a letter of complaint to the head - so I did. Cue a year of being HATED by this teacher, he blamed me for everything. If I had liked chewing gum then I might have done the same thing...thankfully he was sacked a year later .

[totallyradllama]

She needs to make reparation eg pay the dry cleaning bill that's part of taking responsibility and learning from it.

A good thing is that she is learning the costs of impulsive behaviour before it's even more serious so you could look at it that way

[Haworthia]

If it seems out of character I wonder if she was encouraged to do it by “friends”?

Yeah, maybe she’s trying to get in with the popular group? 🤔

[womblewise]

I can only imagine how humiliated this teacher felt walking around with someone else's disgusting chewing gum on her bottom, until someone pointed it out to her. I expect she was mortified for just doing her job. I think this is funny at all. Poor woman.

[MaryHerbert]

I do think that the teachers attitude towards her needs looking into as well

What attitude? Telling her off for talking when she shouldn't be? Ask any of the teachers on here how much time in each lesson is wasted on that kind of thing.

[thenamehaschanged]

She doesn’t teach DD.

[Wolfiefan]

She doesn’t teach her? So how has your DD been acting in such a way as to have this teacher tell her off? When was she talking that she shouldn’t have been?
I wouldn’t budget for dry cleaning but rather for replacing items.

[Ohyesiam]

If this is the worst that she’s done you’re doing something right op.

At my kids school there are drugs, violence, you name it. Dd divides her year group into the druggies and the non druggies.

We learn by making mistakes, and isolation etc is humiliating for a kid who’s used to being good. Humiliating for the teacher too , so she’s paying the price. She’ll not forget.

[womblewise]

How is a drawing pin ok?
FFS and we wonder why teachers are leaving the profession in droves??

This exactly. So many parents complain when their child is being taught by different supply staff every day with no consistency, but people think this is funny. This teacher is a real person.

Your daughter has let herself down, and presumably her fellow students who told on her thought so too.

[Wolfiefan]

@Ohyesiam
Why on earth does the teacher need to be “humiliated”?

[Tellingitlikeitisnt]

I think what would decide my actions or feelings would be her reaction

Is she upset with herself and regretful or is she sulky and defiant still?

If the latter then I’d be concerned this isn’t the end of it.
If the former then I’d be cross but secretly sighing at teenage impulsivity and just moving on.

[Ohyesiam]

@Wolfiefan she doesn’t need to be, but it i imagine she was bit humiliated by having chewing gum stick to her bottom, I think I worked be. Maybe not , she could have just been cross.

[GreenTulips]

It also depends on how you handle it.

Let’s face it, she did it because she thought she wouldn’t get caught.

As long as she knows you are disappointed, she won’t do anything similar again

[thenamehaschanged]

they were sent outside because of a fire alarm - the kids were all chatting, dancing around bored, that kind of thing, DD was talking to a friend separate from this and this teacher made a beeline for her, put her into detention and left me a rambling voicemail message about how serious this was. You don’t talk during fire alarms etc.

She pulled DD into her office from the corridor last week, DD had been laughing in a group of friends, and accused her of swearing - DD ‘swears’ she wasn’t and that it wasn’t a nice experience being falsely accused.

I went to a parents evening after the fire alarm, DD pointed her out and the woman was glaring at her. The head of year asked DD if she was alright after her detention because I think what happened was said teacher used DD to make an example of to everyone else.

So - to DD it’s feeling personal. Maybe she’s a real little shit and I and all her other teachers never knew? Or maybe there’s something else going on.

I don’t know, but anyway - she did a bad thing, she knows it was bad - I had been feeling a bit better about it after this thread as I was so upset and disappointed.

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

God teachers really are saints and never do anything wrong on here.

[Ohyesiam]

• would be

[thenamehaschanged]

She’s definitely not sulky & defiant thankfully - she’s sheepish about it and knows it was bad

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

I've had this with a certain teacher and my ds recently too. Now, I know my ds isn't an angel, but all his other teachers have been very fond of him. He has one at the moment for one day a week, that one day, I have an 11 year old boy, in his bed crying in the morning, because he doesn't want to go into school because of this teacher. Never had a problem before. Sometimes teachers do take a disliking to certain children and they pick on them. I have complained, it has improved, I've also learned recently I'm not the only one to have made a complaint this year.

[CinderellasSecrets]

@MaryHerbert some teachers genuinley do have a bad attitude. My mother is a teacher I know how hard they work and how underappreciated they can be, I also know how much they often have to put up with - however falsely accusing a student of something they haven't done is unfair, and it does seem odd that in all the years OPs DD has been in school, and of all the teachers this is the only one she appears to have a problem with.

[thenamehaschanged]

100%

It is odd - I’m not saying she’s an angel, well I definitely can’t now! But I really have only heard good things in all her years at school so I’m sad she’s let herself down like this and done something horrible - but yes, some teachers really can just take a dislike to you - I’ve said to DD that this is life, some people just won’t like you - please don’t stick chewing gum on them for it.

[thenamehaschanged]

Iminaglasscaseofemotion - I’m sorry your DS has had a hard time - that’s rough

[Juneboon]

I once, at 14 years old, flicked blu tack across the room and it accidentally landed in elderly teachers hair.
Returning to class after lunch he'd had to cut it out and he gave the entire class a dressing down. I never owned up and I still feel awful guilt over it to this day.
It's not a big deal, let her pay the dry cleaning bill and it should be forgotten as a blip on an otherwise good school record.

[ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal]

It's really not that big a deal. She's written an apology letter, she knows it was wrong, and you're going to get a bill which i would make her pay. No need for chocolates and flowers and another apology letter, especially if this teacher is singling out your dd.

[thenamehaschanged]

Lol - thank you June