Oh the shame - 14yo DD's act of rebellion at school

[thenamehaschanged]

Just looking for some friendly words!

DD is really well behaved normally, a good pupil etc, no behaviour points, always positive parent evenings & reports.

She'd been telling me recently that there's a teacher who doesn't like her and has been telling her off for a couple of things, nothing major (talking when not supposed to be) and one thing she was innocent of AND now, she's taken complete leave of her senses and left used chewing gum on this teachers chair on Friday

Three kids told the teacher and they have come down on her like a ton of bricks. I'm going to get a dry cleaning bill.

People in RL i've told have laughed about it, but I feel so upset for her as this means her card will be marked now.

She's promised never to do anything like that again, we've talked about how bad 'taking revenge' is, how this teacher would have felt and I've told her to just keep her head down from now on

We've had a lot going on at home, her father was abusive and we don't see him anymore, but she's always seemed fine and on the whole is a great kid who I'm proud of usually.

Just feel sad for her now - don't know what she can expect on Monday.

[Copperblack]

Please don’t overreact it was a stupid and impulsive thing to do but I’m sure you can all move on.

A few years ago my son climbed into the roof of his school with a fire extinguisher and squirted anyone who tried to intervene. His dad was a teacher at the school. We can even laugh about it now, and our son is a professional, responsible adult!
If she can see she was wrong, is reflective and apologetic it will be fine. Infact going through a few tough things at school can give you more emotional flexibility when it comes to the future.

[Littlemeadow123]

She acted impulsively and did the wrong thing - and therefore the school however is well within their rights with the punishments that have been issued.

However, you have a chance to show her how things should have been handled. Take things further about how this teacher has acted previously with the head of year. Some teachers do just take a dislike to a certain student.

[thenamehaschanged]

oh my god haha!!

Thank you copper

[thenamehaschanged]

No need for chocolates and flowers and another apology letter, especially if this teacher is singling out your dd

Yes, I suggested this to dd tonight and she said no way, this teacher has been very open about the fact she doesn't like her before this incident and now this has happened, she feels that any apology card/gift would probably not be accepted and it would be very awkward.

I am going to ask the head of year about things though when it's all blown over.

Thanks again everyone

[PickwickThePlockingDodo]

A few years ago my son climbed into the roof of his school with a fire extinguisher and squirted anyone who tried to intervene.

Whoa what now?

[Sunshinegirl82]

I think some people must have had very sheltered experiences at school if this is such an awful, hideous thing to be honest. Obviously it's not good and she knows it and there are consequences (rightly) but people did all sorts when I was at school (and I went to a good comprehensive in a naice part of the SE), there was no major trouble with drugs or violence but lots of low level stuff.

I remember on one occasion some of my classmates locked one of our teachers in a cupboard for the best part of a lesson. Another time someone put blue food colouring in the school water tank and we had blue water for days.

It could have been worse! I'm sure she has learned her lesson.

[thenamehaschanged]

The fire alarm they all went outside for was set off by another kid and it's happened twice...fire brigade's time wasted etc - I think I'll take the chewing gum over that one

[GreenTulips]

Any mid treatment of fire alarms create a call out charge to the school. The child’s family must today then fine issued by the fire service. It doesn’t happen often.

[Wolfiefan]

@Ohyesiam but you’re suggesting the teacher deserves to be humiliated and “pay the price”

@Copperblack you laugh about it?? Why on Earth??

[Bluerussian]

I did that once. The next day the teacher came in and gave me a carrier bag with his trousers in, telling me to have them cleaned, which I did. That's all that's needed, your daughter can pay for the cleaning from her allowance. I doubt she'll do it again.

What is truly shocking to me is that the other kids 'told' on her! When I was at school I'd have died or gone to prison rather than grass someone up. Telling tales should be reserved for violent abuse, bullying and robbing banks.

[SnuggyBuggy]

I think paying up and keeping her head down is the best option. Chocolates or flowers to someone you can't stand would be fake and awkward.

I'd also give the grasses a wide berth.

[UnexpectedItemInTheShaggingAre]

@Papiermachecat
Don’t worry too much about it. Unless it's very small secondary or private I wouldn't worry about paying dry cleaning bill. You're making too much of it.
Seriously?!? I have 3 next suits I wear for work I got when my Nan gave me £150 quid when I finished my PGCE, if the chewing gum wrecked one (obviously I’d try freezing and other non dry clean ways to fix first) but I would certainly expect OP to pay, I’m in an average state school. Part time, I claim Universal Credit. I couldn’t afford to fix that mistake.

But FWIW OP, I think it might be good to book in with the teacher and HOY and DD and talk about how she’s feeling. They’ll probably want to help. So don’t panic.
and I say that as someone who was a much bigger arsehole than this when I was at school, I’d get 60 girls to walk round school stopping lessons chanting the UN Convention on the rights of the child, and I orchestrated my first equality protest, for girls wearing trousers at 8

[MincedOath]

I'd be appalled if my son did this. Such a nasty mean thing to do. I guess I'm bringing him up wrong - he probably lacks nerve and spirit.

[PurrBox]

The teacher sound very unpleasant.
The friends should't have told on her.

Your daughter shouldn't have done it, but I understand her desire to do something. I really dislike unfair behaviour from teachers who are trying to assert their authority by making kids feel powerless. It does as much to ruin the atmosphere of a school as students' disruptiveness.

[InfiniteSheldon]

Lots of minimising on your part going on here

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

thenamehaschanged thanks OP. I have never had to complain to the school, and if ds has been in trouble I always back the teachers, however I left it for 5 months to see if things would get any better but when it got to the point that my son was physically hurt in class because of her actions ( she didn't directly hurt him) I mentioned it to his teacher and depute head while in for another meeting about his learning.
Lots of people have extremely stressful jobs.
This teacher has been there since I went to school. Coincidently, she did the same to my little brother when he was 6, and he was a shy little mouse when he was a child. Very sensitive wee boy, and would never have caused trouble.
Like I said, not all teachers are saints. Most are, but no one should be allowed to single out a child and make their life at school difficult. It's hard enough.

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

Lots of minimising on your part going on here

There's really not. There is lots of ignoring of the back story going on though.

[villamariavintrapp]

I'm quite surprised at some of the responses, this isn't funny. Damaging someone else's property because you don't think they like you isn't acceptable. I think that's an important lesson to learn at school really-not everyone likes you, you won't get on with everyone.

[Hamsterriffic]

I’m glad you’re not going to make her write another letter or take in chocolates. Your DD knows she did a silly thing but the teacher sounds awful. I’d follow it up with the Head of Year too

[chocatoo]

Leaving used gum that has been inside her mouth is a vile thing to do. The teacher would have to touch it to remove it which is revolting. Your daughter has some growing up to do. If I was the teacher I would be angry. You need to get to the bottom of why the teacher is not keen on your daughter in the first place. Does your daughter behave badly in class, is she difficult?

[Mombie2016]

@chocatoo Did you bother reading the whole thread? The teacher does not teach OPs child.

[Hillocrew]

Ach your daughter sounds lovely. She knows she shouldn't really have done it buy sure she could be doing worse. I've a wee bit of admiration for her nerve
The school actually sound a bit heavy handed tbh. It was chewing gum not acid ffs

[SoupDragon]

How amusing would people find this if someone did it to their child?

[seven201]

I was a very well behaved kid but randomly one day drew a massive oasis logo on a school desk. No idea why I did it, my Mum was livid.

On my first day teaching at a London secondary a kid covered my chair in a thick layer of pritt-stick. Had to walk round with glue all over my bum for the whole day. Never did find out which kid do it!

[Lightsabre]

I also think you need to explore if she was 'encouraged' to do this by 'friends'. Sounds like she told a few people and I suppose would have had peer attention for this. For some children, this can be the start of a slippery, behavioural slope. I think you're doing the right things but just pay attention to any friendship changes. It's a tricky time.