15 yr old and school refusal

[Melonsonic]

I'm at my wits end.

Over the last couple of years, my ds has refused to go to school at least one day every fortnight.

Lately, it has got much worse and I am lucky if he attends school three days a week.

He is too big for me or dh to drag out of bed.

He has been asked many times if he is being bullied or if something else is worrying him, but we have drawn a blank.

He has been investigated in hospital for health problems and is now on medication for stomach migraine.

However, I strongly suspect that he just wants to sleep at home rather than go to school.

His attendance has dropped to 67% and he has his GCSEs next year.

I am terribly worried.

Does anyone have any experience or wisdom on this issue?

[MistyMeena]

I can also strongly recommend the FB group for this issue. Search for school refusal.

Sympathies to everyone going through this, very few people really understand.

[here4now]

Thank you for pointing in the direction of the FB group. I have requested to join.

You guys are giving me some hope at a very bleak time.

[here4now]

@dkb15164

So pleased to hear you are heading towards the future you deserve. Thank you so much for posting that perspective. Your MrM sounds like a wonderful man. Wish there were more of him around!

[Yorkshiregirl88]

Hi, sadly my experience with CAMHS, hasn’t been great, unless the child is self-harming or suicidal, they don’t seem to be able to help. Lack of resources I assume.
I wish I could understand why my son doesn’t want to go to school. I think it might be a control issue, as he wants to be calling all the shots in our 1 parent family. This isn’t helped by the fact he gets angry and violent if he doesn’t get his way ...

[UndomesticHousewife]

I had this with dd. She never really liked school but it got worse when she was in second year, third year wasn’t much better and fourth and fifth year were really bad. She had/has an anxiety disorder and was depressed for a long while. It took 2 years in camhs before she was prescribed medication after me pushing for it but the change in her after she was in it was huge.

But going to school didn’t get better, by that time she was so triggered by school that she literally didn’t go in for the last 2 years which were the gcse years.

It’s only because she had an anxiety disorder and was seen weekly at camhs that no one threatened me with court or anything like that and the school was quite helpful. We had the attendance officer round once a week though and although she was helpful and understanding it was stressful trying to get her to go in to get her attendance up.

I was worried sick she wouldn’t get any exams but she did all her coursework in the last 2 months and learnt all her subjects in that time too and got all Bs in her exams.

It was hell for a lot of years and looking back I really wish I’d been a bit more relaxed (if that’s the right word) as she was totally incapable of going to school and all the shouting in the world wasn’t going to change it it just made everyone miserable. But the constant pressure of her attendance percentage made me so stressed, and her too. In the end I think I just said to the school she can’t come in but I try my best everyday to get her there but her anxiety disorder is so bad that it’s not always possible, they sort of accepted it and actually they did help as much as they could.

Don’t assume it’s laziness especially as he’s got stomach problems which are a huge sign of some kind of anxiety.

[Neveragain12]

My 14yr old Son (yr10) suffers with Adhd, anxiety and OCD. He has always struggled with school. He is "normal" on the surface though and is in a friendship group of about 5 boys.

Recently, every so often, his friends suddenly decide they don't like him and don't answer their phones and lie about where they are so he can't play out with them. This happened yesterday so he spent all the lovely sunny day in the hoise alone. They then text him some horrible texts which he did make worse by reacting angrily, but because of his ADHD that's how he reacts, especially when he doesn't understand what's happened.

This morning he is refusing to go to school as he's worried they've all turned against him and he'll have no-one at break time to be with.

I'm not a fan of missing school but his anxieties are very real and I don't want him being bullied or left put or worried at school.

I've explained that its better to face things rather than hide and try to make things better but it's hard for a teenager to grasp that.

He's too big to force to go..

Would you let him stay off for the day?

[buttonz]

Another day, another no show...

Sorry to hear that you are all going through this

[Rebecca36]

I went through the same with my son. It's hard! He was determined to take from school what he wanted and do his own thing. In the end I gave up.

All I can say is it does pass - and my son is an extremely successful adult now.

[gracieandharrietxo]

When you can finally get him into
School, ask the school to monitor him closely and maybe stick a hidden camera or mic somewhere just to confirm he isn’t being bullied. And if it isn’t that, he could be behind on schoolwork or underachieving, if so speak to the school about intervention after school or during pastoral times, and get him a tutor sorted out. If not that either ensure he is getting enough sleep because this could be why, if not refer him to a doctor regarding a possible sleep disorder. If all else fails it’s vital that he is getting an education therefore homeschool could be an option to look into, there are some online websites you could check out, if you have a laptop or computer. Hope I helped and good luck

[Dandygal1976]

Hun, my eldest went through this when he was 15. It was horrid and I felt so powerless. He turned it all around himself after a yeah and came out with great grades. He always seemed just overly sleepy etc. I took him to the doctor (who is also a family friend) to see if he was depressed. The doctor refused antidepressants and his bloods were fine. I am glad he did not end on tablets now. It is just a crappy phase and as long as otherwise he has been fairly reasonable then he will likely come around.