13 year old, periods and swimming lessons

[OOAOML]

Daughter is in an improvers swimming class - she was late to learn, and has made some good progress. She grumbles about how she will 'never go swimming' when she's a grown up, but grudgingly accepts that it is a life skill it would be worthwhile acquiring. I feel it would be best for her to achieve the outcomes of the class (there's a portal where the instructors mark up the distance swum, stroke confidence etc).

She started her periods a year ago, and uses pads. This means she misses swimming for her period. She also goes to a club which meets more or less once a month on the same day as swimming, so misses the lesson for that as well.

I don't want to force her to try tampons, but have suggested them a few times and she is totally resistant - she's also quite gleeful when she announced she won't be going swimming. She's generally missing half her lessons now, with the way different timings are working out.

I don't want to force her to use tampons, I don't want to force her to give up the other activity, but I do wonder whether to push the issue a bit more - on the weeks she does go swimming, she does well, but I feel she's getting into a frame of mind where she thinks she's not going to get any more confident at it, and the fact she's regularly not there feeds this. Should I be more pushy? Should I point out that if she goes more regularly she'll hit the targets sooner and then won't need the lessons any more? Should I just let it go?

I had a friend st school whose mother would not allow her to use tampons as it was the same as losing her virginity!!! Encourage and reassure yes, but threaten to withdraw a treat - no! Some people, some teenagers don't like them - it's all about choice and your dd has the right to decide for herself, without feeling pressurised. Know when to stop!

I actually think it's cruel to try forcing her to use tampons.
I'm almost 40 and until a couple of years ago, and only because of the need for them during my job, did I start using them....and they're awful.
My mum used to just write me a note once a month...it was neve a problem...all the girls missed that week of their period.

At only 13, she is still very young to get the concept of putting tampons inside her body....in a place girl's that age don't normally feel comfortable talking about, let alone putting tampons in!

Dd won't even consider it yet, although at 15 and wanting adventures when she is older, she admits she need to try them at some point....but this is only a recent revelation.
I'd explain the pros and cons of tampons, make sure she knows how to use them if she wants, then leave her alone to make the decision if she chooses.

She seems to not to be that keen on swimming either....so could you not book her intense 1:1 lessons to get her up to scratch then let her stop?

Puppy no they don't but I had numerous opportunities in my 20s to do some very similar things - and some of the friends that I travelled with or even just went on short UK holidays (e.g. with Venture Scouts - so that WAS teenage), had to sit out of activities or were annoyed they couldn't go on side trips because they weren't confident swimmers.

Oh and I forgot rafting and canoeing. I see she's a Guide - I'm taking my Guides to a water activity soon and one has declined due to not being a strong swimmer but she has SN and I can see it's not just the swimming but the atmosphere which might be overwhelming. She will be very unusual among Guides and Rangers if she doesn't find water activities fun TBH.

And nobody is going to pay for her to learn to swim when she's in her 20s, are they?

Don't worry people, I'm not going to force her, but I will ask her to try.

She wants to stop going to Guides as well drspouse - which I can understand because a lot of her friends have stopped. I doubt she'll go to Rangers.

I don't think we can get 1:1 lessons without going to the mega-expensive club nearby, and we just don't have the money just now. We also don't have a car so are limited in where we go. My son gets 1:1 but that's because he gets ASN lessons.

DS learnt to swim properly over a long weekend at a hotel with outside pool in Spain...after lots of lessons before that - and not much progress to show for it. Basically he wanted to be in the pool and he wanted to be able to swim....it's amazing how quickly they can progress and how much they push themselves when they actually decide they want to achieve something. Lots of kids I know did this. If its in your budget a holiday to somewhere warm with a pool might give her the push she needs!

Could you maybe change or add to your approach a bit? I think you should take her swimming at leisure swim times, and/or to a pool with a slide, waves etc on a semi regular basis. Bribe her to go if necessary! Show her that being in and around water can be fun, rather than all the emphasis being on strokes and endurance and technique. The more comfortable she is in the water, and the more fun she has, the easier it will be for her to learn.

If she is swimming twice a week (once with her lesson and once for fun) it won't matter as much if she has to miss because of her period.

I was about 13 and was learning to windsurf and my mum just assumed I would use tampons and got quite annoyed with me about being uncomfortable and stressed. The trailer where we left our bags (and therefore tampons) was about 100m down the beach from the toilets. So I would have to sail back to the trailer, get a tampon (how to carry it? My wetsuit didn't have pockets), walk down to the toilets, change it, walk back and resume windsurfing, in the middle of a lesson or a race. I was the only girl. I was mortified but did it when my mum made it abundantly clear she had zero patience for or understanding of my anxieties.

Ben similar ideas!

I also wanted to say, DH is a reluctant water "user" (complete opposite to me) but the DC love the water so he has had to get over himself somewhat.

Leisure pool would be good, we had one here with flumes etc but it closed down. I miss that one, used to take her when she was a toddler. I have taken her swimming, but apparently being seen with me is mortifying (she has a fair point, me in a swimsuit is not that great a sight). I can always offer again.

That wetsuit experience sounds quite traumatic Hearts.

Obviously you can't force her to use tampons but her reluctance might just be an act to get out of an activity she doesn't want to do!

My parents sent me to piano lessons and if I found an easy way to miss two a month then of course I would because I hated it and found it boring!

I think saying she'll have to rearrange or cancel the second activity so she only misses one swimming lesson a month is best. You might find she decided she's more than happy to try tampons then

I am so glad this conversation happened here. I am experiencing the same issue. I am trying to encourage my daughter to use tampons and get on with her life. Hubby is seeing me as a bad mom. :( My daughter is very shy and I am trying my best to take her out for lessons and get her going. Am really struggling to find the line where I should not cross.

Having read through it would seem to me that the tampon situation is actually a symptom of the moaning.
My DD was very moan at 12/13 and I developed anti moaning rules.
Violin if you want to continue lessons I am not interested in moaning about practice.
Swimming if you don't want lessons don't moan about not being able to swim with your friends, equally if you want to swim with your friends don't moan about the lessons.
I was quite strict about this and firm.
Now at 15 we have had no moaning for the last year.

I would just continue as you are, swimming as often as possible. Don't push her to use tampons, it's her body so no one else's choice.

Op What about one of these leak proof swimming costumes? I'm going to order the bikini for my daughter for our summer holiday if she's still not keen on using tampins. I know they're pretty expensive but well worth it imo.